


all the lives I've ever lived (they were leading me here)

by TheTruthAboutLove



Category: DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Epic Love, F/F, Multiverse, Pining, Separation Arc
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-25
Updated: 2019-07-18
Packaged: 2019-11-05 17:36:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 63,845
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17923319
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheTruthAboutLove/pseuds/TheTruthAboutLove
Summary: There is a universe – Sara doesn't know for sure, but there has to be, somewhere, somewhen, a world where they're together, safe and sound. Where they wake up everyday wrapped up in each other and they never go to sleep mad. Where life's easy and they're happy. She can feel it sometimes, deep in her chest, in those moments Ava hugs her tight and soft and she can finally breathe, that there's a universe where she never has to hold her breath.This one? This just so happens to be the opposite of it.OR, Sara touches an artifact without knowing what it is and she thinks she screwed up the timeline yet again. As it turns out, she might have stumbled upon a portal that will lead her to a journey through the multiverse.





	1. I had a dream that you were mine (I've had that dream a thousand times)

There is a universe – Sara doesn't know for sure, but there has to be, somewhere, somewhen, a world where they're together, safe and sound. Where they wake up everyday wrapped up in each other and they never go to sleep mad. Where life's easy and they're happy. She can feel it sometimes, deep in her chest, in those moments Ava hugs her tight and soft and she can finally breathe, that there's a universe where she never has to hold her breath.

This one? This just so happens to be the opposite of it.

 

Sara learns a very important lesson on the day they set foot in Puerto Rico, specifically in a small clearing in the woods ten miles outside the city of Isabela.

They pick up a signal that tells them something magic is definitely going on in those woods, but when they get there Gideon comes up short. There is no sightings, no record of anything. This mystical creature they're looking for seems to be living always just outside the corner of someone's eye.

This is, they realize all of two minutes too late, because this source of magic they're looking for, it isn't a magical fugitive at all. It's an artifact. Well, it appears to be inanimate at least, they really can't say for sure the thing is actually just a _thing_ , but it's shaped like a parallelepiped, four inches height, two inches long, a inch width. And it glows, possibly, there is really no way to be sure if it's a glow or if it's the light reflecting off its clear surface, but it looks like there's a billion lights inside that small thing ready to burst out.

What Sara learns, on that day, in Puerto Rico, is that if a bunch of bones tell you something is bursting with magic and it looks like there's something weird with the way it reflect lights, you don't step ahead and _touch it_.

Because you might end up banging your head against a tree and blacking out for a few hours, and one of your friends with an exosuit might have to carry you back onto your ship. At least, that is what Sara _assumes_ has happened. It might not in fact be exactly what happened, because they appear to be inside _something_ and it's definitely flying, but when she calls for Gideon nothing answers and when she looks outside the window she sees blue instead of green: they're not in the timestream, they're flying in the sky with a plane like a bunch of losers.

“Ray? Ray!”

“Captain, you're up!”

The man is smiling and cheery and Sara is pretty sure the back of her head is _still_ bleeding, but he looks as joyful as always.

“What happened?”

“You got close to the artifact, but then a blast of energy pushed you back and you hit your head against one of the trees a few feet behind you. I carried you back here, with Nate's help of course, and now we're flying back to D.C., we left a team behind but recorded everything on sight. They're awaiting orders from the director.”

“The director?” Sara slightly frowns. “Jeez, Ava's fine, what has gotten- wait, why are we flying on a _plane_ , Ray?”

“Pardon me?”

“Why are we on a plane? What happened to the Waverider?”

“I'm not sure I follow, ma'am.”

“Ma'am?” Sara mocks him.

“Captain Lance?” Ray frowns, like he's wondering if that's better, if maybe that's what Sara wants to be called from now on.

“Ray, pretend for a second that hitting my head gave me a concussion and I don't remember anything about why we're here. Explain it to me.”

He frowns, shifts his weight from foot to foot a couple times, but eventually he complies, never the kind of guy to question a superior.

“Well, we're a team working for the Bureau,” he starts, and nods like he's awaiting for Sara to agree with him, “and you're our Captain.” Ray smiles as he says that, proud of her as always. “We picked up some strange frequency from the woods outside Isabela and went to check it out. Director Bennett is going to be pissed about that, by the way, since we didn't have permission.”

“Director Bennett? He's _alive_?”

“Last I checked. Sara, did you really hit your head this hard?” Ray is starting to look concerned and Sara is just starting to realize that whatever that thing in the forest was, she really, really should _not_ have touched it without knowing the first thing about it.

“Okay. Team meeting.”

Ray nods and goes to fetch the rest of the team, warning Sara not to get up from the bed in the med bay since she might be concussed. A minute later, Ray, Nate and Zari are standing in front of her, and they're standing on attention too.

“Where are Mick, Constantine and Charlie?”

The three people in front of her look to each other like Sara just told them she's going to open the portal of the plane and jump right out of it.

“Mick? As in Mick Rory, ma'am? We captured him years ago, he's in jail along with Leonard Snart, ma'am,” Nate says slowly, like he's afraid of saying the wrong thing.

“Charlie is piloting and, quite frankly, I don't have a clue of who the fuck Constantine is,” Zari quickly continues. “Ma'am.”

“Okay, so something obviously happened with the artifact. Tell me exactly what you did after I passed out,” Sara prompts. “And stop it with the ma'am, for God's sake.”

“Nothing, we brought you back and left a team to guard it. The FBI-”

“Woah, what the hell does the FBI have to do with any of this?” Sara raises a hand immediately at the mention of the agency. “We only trust the Time Bureau, and only because Ava has the final call on everything.”

“Okay, first of all, who the hell is Ava?” Zari asks with a deep frown. “Second, did you hit your fucking head a lot harder than what we thought or is this some sort of effect because you got too close to the glow-y thing?”

“We work for the Bureau, Captain. As in, the FBI?” Ray supplies. “And the Time Bureau, that isn't a real thing, is it? What would they even deal with, Time Zones regulation? That's ludicrous.”

Sara is starting to feel a headache coming on and it's going to be her worst one to date if the feeling behind her eyes is any indicator.

She's about to start freaking out at full capacity when they're told through a speaker they're landing and – is that fucking _Gary_ co-piloting them through the air? What idiot gave Gary permission to fly a goddamn plane?

Before she can protest, say she's not feeling well, say there is something wrong, very, very wrong with this timeline, before she can even beg someone to take her back so she can destroy the glowing artifact and make everything go back to normal, the bay opens and a voice she recognizes fills her ears and- okay, maybe she can do this, maybe she can get through this because if there's one person who's going to believe the very long string of crazy things that's about to come out of her mouth, that person is yelling to a cadet five feet away from their plane.

She's out of it before Ray can protest her getting up too suddenly, and she all but flings herself into Ava's arms as soon as she lays eyes on her.

“Thank God you're here, when Ray said the Time Bureau wasn't real I was afraid you wouldn't-” she stops and sighs, “-but thank God you're here because I've been having the craziest, most insane, _shitty_ , awful-”

“Miss Lance, what do you think you're doing?”

The voice is not right. It's icy and distant and not what it sounds like when she hears it first thing in the morning and last thing at night, but it definitely belongs to the same person.

“Aves?” Sara leans back to see Ava's face, but doesn't let go of her.

“Miss Lance, you have three seconds to detach yourself from me before I start maiming random parts of your person. Three-”

Sara steps back, a frown on her forehead, her heart sinking. She could deal with everything else, she could deal with not being able to travel instantly through space and time, not having a Super AI answering all her questions, not having John or Mick on her team, but this? Ava looking at her like _this_? She can't handle this.

“Captain Lance hit her head in Isabela,” Nate says quickly, trying to justify the odd behavior the woman is exhibiting.

“Aves, don't you remember me?” Sara's voice is low and she can feel her chest tighten as she stares her worst fears in the eyes. This is Ava, but it's not her Ava somehow. And not in the it's-another-clone way, but in the the-love-of-her-life-forgot-her kind of way. She feels slightly dizzy and something inside her feels dangerously close to shattering.

“I do, sadly. Insubordinate, disrespectful, a pain in my ass.”

“No, no Aves,” she says forcefully, like she's trying to keep the insinuation away from her with the force behind her words. “Don't you remember the Vikings? Fighting pirates on our first date? Salvation, you asking me to move in with you, our pinky promise? Nothing?”

“Sara, what the hell are you talking about,” Zari whispers hurriedly, trying to pull her back by her elbow. Sara doesn't budge. “This Ava you've been mentioning is _Agent Sharpe_? Sara, please, you have a boyfriend, remember? Micheal?”

“Please, you have to remember, I can't do this without you, please.”

Sara knows she sounds desperate, probably looks it too, but she honestly can't bring herself to care, not when Ava is looking at her like _this_ , barely mildly inconvenienced, almost with disbelief. But there is no recognition, no love, nothing there but confusion and worry.

“Someone call Hunter, tell him to get here as soon as he can,” Ava orders to nobody in particular, but one of the Agents is already on the phone before she can even finish the order.

“Micheal as in Rip Hunter? No. No!” Sara pulls her elbow out of Zari's grip and steps closer to Ava again. “No, I'd never- after what he's done to you, after lying to you and manipulating you... I've never loved him like that before but after knowing what he's done I could barely look at him, Ava, you have to believe me, I-”

The moment her hands is on Ava's arm, there's a blinding light, not in front of her, or around her, but behind her eyes. There's a strong, steady light aiming straight at her and for a moment it cuts her breath off. Then, there's an image alternating with the blinding light. A memory. It's the artifact, pulling her in, then spitting her out. Something happened to her when she touched it.

All she knows is, she doesn't belong here. She doesn't belong anywhere Ava doesn't love her back, but she especially doesn't belong here.

She tries to take a step, but falters, loses her balance. Before she knows it, two arms are keeping her up, not her own. She grips the lapels of the jacket with all the strength she has left and looks up into Ava's eyes. She can feel her consciousness slip with every second.

“You're-” oh, there is _something_ in those eyes now. Now that she's mentioned something Rip has done, something the other Sara could never know but this Ava does, something making Ava curious, making her interested, making her _involved_. “You're as real as I feel about you. We're real. We're-”

She doesn't get to finish. That's okay, she had no idea what she wanted to say anyway. She just hopes, when she opens her eyes, she can be back home again.

 

Her fate doesn't seem to have taken pity on her after everything that has been happening, and she wakes up in a place she doesn't recognize, but knows it isn't the Waverider. There's a monitor beeping steadily by her side, and on the other side there's a woman sitting on a chair and slowly sipping something from a paper cup.

“How long-”

“Twenty minutes.”

“Cool. Could I have-”

There's a cup of water in her hands before she's even sitting up properly. Apparently, Ava is dead set on not letting her finish a sentence.

“What you said before, about Rip, what did you mean by that?”

Sara glances at the door briefly, then back at the water in her hands.

“I've ordered everyone is kept out until you undergo a proper medical check up, nobody can enter but me. I outrank Rip since his last demotion.”

“Sounds like a lot of trouble for someone who's just a pain in your ass.”

“It was no trouble, actually. I rather enjoy ordering people around.”

“I know,” Sara smiles, but it fades quickly. “Where I come from, Rip took you and brought you here against your will, lied to you and everyone else about it.”

“Wait, what do you mean, where you're from?”

“I think it's clear that- this,” Sara gestures around her, “is not my reality, it's not my world. Whatever happened when I touched the artifact, it didn't just change the timeline. I think it swallowed my soul and spit me whole in another universe. Where I'm from, well- there is no way to say this that isn't going to make me sound like a lunatic, but where I'm from you're a clone from the future.”

She looks up and Ava is staring at her, expression still the same, eyes barely shining before dimming down again.

“I am in this world, too. But nobody is supposed to know about it except for Hunter and myself. Not the future part, that'd be crazy, that would require to go back in time and of course time travel isn't real. But some military branch experimented with clones a while back, they decided to make one aware of what she was and long story short here I am.”

“Holy shit, like they did in Orphan Black?” Then, a terrible realization hits her. “Holy shit, you'd be Rachel?!”

“What is an orphan black?” Ava asks, her face blank.

“Oh, my God,” Sara gasps. “You truly live in a darker timeline.”

That's when Ava can't contain her smirk any longer. Sara gapes for a moment, then weakly slaps her arm.

“Jerk.”

“So, as you so elegantly said, the artifact spit you out without chewing? Why? And why here?”

“I don't know, but I know that if there's someone who has the answers to anything history related, that's-”

“Heywood. Yep, I'll ask him to look for something. You get some rest and tomorrow morning we can talk about any findings, if there are. Also, from what your team told me, you got close but didn't actually touch the artifact, so possibly our Sara hasn't taken the place of yet another Sara and so on creating a multi-dimentional mess.”

Sara pales at that suggestion. “Let's hope not, that'd be a disaster.”

Ava nods, then stands and walks to the door, but stops with her hand on the doorknob. She doesn't turn, can't look at Sara.

“In this universe you're from, we're together?”

Sara nods, then, when she realizes Ava can't really see her properly, confirms it with a soft “Yeah” out loud.

“And you're happy?”

“The happiest I've ever been in my life.”

Ava nods, eyes cast down, hand still on the doorknob.

“I'll make sure you get home safe. I owe you, and my other self, this much.”

It's said in a way that makes Sara wonder what has happened to them in this universe, why she and Ava are still at each other's throats and were never quite able to bury the hatchet in this timeline, like they did in Sara's, long before they even started dating. Something went very wrong at some point, but Sara has no idea what and she's afraid she won't even have time to find out.

 

“It's a door!”

Nate looks and sounds so excited that not Sara nor Ava can find it in them to tell him they understood close to nothing of what he's been blabbering about.

“A door?”

“Well, an inter-dimensional multiverse-crossing constant stream of matter would be more appropriate,” Ray chimes in.

“All of those are words, yes,” Ava mutters, still not really following.

“It's a portal,” Nate tries again. “A portal to every other reality. Or universe, or timeline, whatever you wanna call them. Basically it sucked you up and threw you like a dart trying to send you back to your reality,” he once again tried to explain with blabbering excitement.

“Except, imagine the dartboard is three-hundred feet away and has the same size as the artifact,” Ray summed up. “That is to say, there are a lot of these universes apparently and it tried its best but its best was clearly not good enough since you noticed immediately. Basically it tried the closest thing to your own reality but missed. By a lot.”

“Okay, so how do we send Captain Lance back to her reality?” Ava asks, rubbing her forehead and trying to wrap her head around this.

“We let the artifact swallow her again and hope it won't chew this time either. And maybe the aim will be better this time.”

“What if it isn't, Nate? What if I end up in a universe where we're all puppets?”

They all laugh until they see how serious Sara is about the puppets thing. As of right now, Sara has no memories of that universe and, frankly, she'd like to keep it that way.

“Well, there really is no other option, we don't have any known tech that could calibrate that thing, there might be something close in the next three centuries but it's impossible to know for sure,” Ray almost shrugs his assessment.

“Plus, since our Sara didn't touch it, the moment you touch it again she should come back to her own body that you're currently renting, so at least our end of the mess is sorted out,” Nate added, trying to be as casual as possible about it as well.

“God, I hate not having time travel.”

“I'm sorry,” Nate laughs, shaking his head, like he hasn't heard her right. “I'm sorry, _what_?”

“Never mind. Let's go to Puerto Rico, boys, see if making the same mistake twice actually does set things right for once.”

“I'm escorting you,” Ava offers. “Heywood, you and Tomaz are with us, Palmer too. I'll pilot the plane so Charlie and the rest of your team can stay and distract Rip long enough. I'll see you in the hangar in ten minutes, hurry up. Lance, follow me.”

Sara smiles briefly at her team, then trails behind Ava silently, knowing better than to argue with that tone Ava sometimes uses.

 

The pilot cabin is pretty silent, overall, the only noise is the almost constant tapping of Sara's finger against her own leg. A nervous tick that only comes out when she's too stressed to be in full control of her body.

“Captain Lance, I'm three taps away from cutting off your index. Stop that.”

Sara's movements still, her eyes dart over to the woman sitting next to her and piloting the plane, but she doesn't say anything, doesn't really know how to break the silence. It feels so awkward to be sitting next to a person she knows better than herself and yet know nothing about her at all.

“You're staring, Captain Lance.”

She clears her throat, turns her head. “I should've probably mentioned, I have no idea how to pilot a plane.”

“Excuse me?!”

“Yeah, I pilot a timeship. But it's more like, a super AI pilots it and I just look cool holding the steering wheel, you know?”

“Oh _God_. Let's hope nothing happens to me in the next few hours, then.”

Sara snorts, then falls quiet again. She starts the tapping again and Ava sends a look her way that makes Sara stop instantly.

“Can I ask you something?”

“You may, but if I answer or not is up to what kind of question you have in mind.”

“Well, it's just- when I told you I come from another timeline – and thank you for believing me by the way, I knew you were the only person who would. But anyway, I'm getting off track here, when I told you I was from a different world, where we were together-” Sara pauses, like maybe that's the question itself.

“I do recall. It's something quite difficult to forget, Captain Lance, and it happened less than twelve hours ago.”

“The first thing you asked, the very first, was if I was happy. That's weird.”

Ava doesn't take her eyes away from the controls in front of her. She tries to keep her voice calm and even, when she asks: “How so?”

“You could've asked how you're dealing with the clone thing, why you're friends with Mick Rory, how you came to be the director of the Time Bureau-”

“Go back, I'm friends with _whom_ now? And the director of _what_?”

“Okay, so I might be a little concussed still, but the point is that your first question-”

“Well, I have a lot more pressing questions now that I know all of _this_!”

“-your first question was about whether or not I was happy. And I guess, I was just wondering, if I'm only a pain in your ass, why is that?”

Ava stays silent, pondering. Ten seconds go by. Thirty seconds. A minute. Just when Sara is starting to think Ava won't answer her, she starts speaking again.

“You're not her. I guess the reason we immediately believed you is because, on some level, we could all tell just by looking at you that you're not her. There's something in your eyes, a light, that I've never seen in hers. My Sara- no, not _my_ Sara, but _this_ Sara, she's gone through some truly unspeakable stuff. Let's just say something tragic happened to her and for a period after that she couldn't really feel many things aside for what she herself called, I believe the exact term was, a bloodlust.”

“After the Lazarus Pit, yeah. Been there.”

Ava frowns, turns to her almost gaping, like she can't believe it.

“I died and came back and I couldn't really feel things like I did before.”

“Yeah. Well let's just say that when it comes to her – don't get me wrong, she _is_ a pain in my ass – but I guess most would say I let her get away with things I would never let another agent live to tell. I'm prone to... leniency when it comes to her. Because sometimes, when we're in the middle of an argument, sometimes I see her eyes light up the way yours always are. Like maybe someday she can feel love again, she can learn from scratch like I had to. The other clones-”

She stops, because some things she can't say, even if it's another Ava and not her own, Sara knows she can't. So she says it for her.

“I know,” Sara whispers. “AVA's aren't designed to feel. But you do. I guess, like you forced love back into me, maybe I did the same for you.”

Ava nods, still looking ahead, but Sara sees the ghost of a sad smile graze her lips, before she scolds her features back to a neutral expression.

“Well, here, Captain Lance, your eyes are still cold most of the time. And I don't know why you stayed with him this long, but I do know Hunter does not make you happy. It does bring me some comfort to know that you are happy back where you're from.”

“Why?”

The question is out of her lips before Sara can really stop it, and she doesn't exactly regret it, but she knows that it's not her place to ask, nor is it her place to care so much about the answer she's about to get.

“Because, Captain Lance,” Ava says calmly, “you've looked into my eyes. And they might be distant and avoiding, but they aren't cold anymore, are they?”

The question is softly asked, like Ava hopes if the words are quiet enough she won't have to hear Sara's answer.

Something, a piece of her own heart maybe, breaks inside of Sara's chest. Because Ava loves her and, for some reason, for some unfathomable reason, in this reality Sara doesn't love her back. Something went wrong, somewhere, and she keeps carrying the pain, the heaviness, the burdens she used to carry alone before Ava burst her way into her heart, before Sara realized she wasn't death, she wasn't a monster, and she could share her life, her true self, with someone else. Someone as amazing, as brave, as intelligent and cunning, as resourceful and as good as Ava Sharpe.

“Did you ever tell her?” Sara almost bites her tongue, almost chokes on this question she dared to ask, because she knows. She knows Ava like the palm of her own hand. Yet, she asks.

“No, I couldn't possibly. We're not even that close, we're mostly just each other's weekly annoyance. If she ever dumps Hunter, then maybe-”

“Yeah,” Sara nods, but her voice cracks. “Yeah, then maybe.”

Ava nods, then asks her to check on the crew since she technically doesn't even know how to pilot, and Sara takes the exit offer for what it is. She walks into a room where her crew is gathered and sits down with them, noticing how they all go quiet as soon as she's there.

“What is wrong with you guys?”

“What do you mean, ma'am?” Ray asks and shoots a glance at Nate.

“See? Shit like this- what's with the ma'am, Ray, you've known me for half a decade.”

“You've always wanted to keep things rather professional on the plane, almost military dare I say, ever since Professor Stein's death. You've made it clear more distance was needed, and you became colder, harder,” Nate explained.

Sara could figure out the rest. Because she didn't have a way to process his death, she retreated back into herself. Just like Ava said, she closed herself off. Amaya wasn't there, Mick wasn't either, Ava never became her partner, she pushed Ray, Nate and Zari away.

“Am I happy?”

The three of them look at each other, but nobody answers. Sara sighs, takes her head in her hands and tries to find a reason that doesn't appear to exist.

“How can I live an office door away from the love of my life and never notice that I'm missing out on this- this entire life of happiness and laughter and warmth, how is it possible? I could've- I could've missed her too, I could've lost her or never had her. Or I could have loved her without her ever loving me back. I could have missed our whole life, and how I am when I'm with her.”

“But you didn't. And you won't. We'll get you back home, Sara,” Zari says, softly, and for a moment she can let herself believe that everything will work out just fine. For her, at least. But even if she goes back, their Sara will still be missing all of it.

“But she doesn't- your Sara doesn't even know she's missing it.”

Zari squeezes her hand, but they both know there's nothing they can say or do to make this phantom ache go away.

 

They find the artifact easily enough, the few agents they left behind are still guarding it, and Sara says her goodbyes in the form of quick handshakes and a reminder that whatever happens to her their Sara will be back instantly.

When she gets to Zari, she pauses for a moment, gives her a brief hug instead.

“I need a favor, Z.”

“What is it, Cap?”

“When she comes back, please tell her something. Tell her, love is what keeps people like her away from the darkness, and love is always worth the risk. If it doesn't work you have my permission to kick her ass.”

“Understood, Captain.”

“Thank you, Zari.”

She says goodbye to Ava last, looking her in the eyes maybe a moment to long. She can barely stand the sadness into them, but she doesn't really know what to say. Ava, thankfully, beats her to the talking part.

“Best of luck, Captain Lance.”

She offers her hand and Sara shakes it, eyes not leaving Ava's. There is so much she wants to say, how Ava is wonderful and perfect just as she is, how they're perfect for each other, how she wishes she could fix this for them, but she doesn't know how. Doesn't know if it's even possible. So, instead, she smiles and gets on her tiptoes and kisses Ava's cheek softly.

“You, are extraordinary.”

Ava's eyes look full of life and of something too close to love. Sara can't think about it right now, she can't dwell on the best course of action. All she can do is turn around, step ahead, and pray that things will be screwed up for the better.

She walks up to the artifact with a sureness in her step that doesn't match the doubts in her mind, but she strolls ahead and stick her hand out. She touches that thing for a second time, despite promising herself she never would touch it again, and feels the same blast of energy she felt the first time.

Except, this time she's ready. She takes the blow as best as she can and when she hits the ground is in a much more graceful manner, and her head stays intact. She doesn't even pass out, but the breath gets knocked out of her pretty hard by the landing.

She gives herself a couple of seconds, then slowly, slowly scoots up into a sitting position.

That is when she feels it, the sharp and cold blade pressing slightly to her throat. Her hands go up slowly, followed by her eyes.

There, towering over her, is Nate, a smug smile on his face.

“Well, well, well. It looks like we have the upper hand, Captain Lance.”

Sara frowns and is about to scold him for the way he's phrased that, when she sees for the first time at what he's wearing.

Nate is dressed head to toe in what looks like a royal navy officer uniform from the 1700's and is talking and acting like one, too.

“Nate?”

“It's commodore Heywood, to you.”

Sara snorts and the blade presses a little deeper.

“Okay, okay. Commodore Heywood, I need to see something over there, inside that hollow tree, just for a second.”

This is clearly not her reality, and she feels ready to leave whatever this timeline is.

Nate laughs and shakes is head. “The only thing you are going to see, is the inside of a cell, filthy pirate! My admiral will be jolly at the sight of you in chains.”

“If you could just give me a moment-”

He raises his hand and waves two men over, signaling to them to pick Sara up by force, since she's unarmed, and escort her out to whatever they're going.

Sara was always kind of jealous of the adventures her teammates got to have as pirates and she wasn't necessarily opposed to live some herself. She would have just preferred for it to be through time travel and not in a timeline where they were apparently fighting each other.

But alas, the journey she thought was coming to an end, appears to be just starting again.

 


	2. I will give people in exchange for you (nations in exchange for your life)

If she looks at things positively, at least she's not concussed or having weird post inter-dimensional travel flashes.

If she, however, were to look at the empty half of the glass, she's currently being escorted aboard a military looking ship, by armed men, while she's unarmed and without any kind of armor, wearing worn and wet clothes and feeling the wet sand from the beach still pooling in her boots, and she's pretty sure they're going to either plank her or cut her head off.

Also, she is pretty sure she can feel a panic attack starting somewhere deep in her chest and making its way out painfully slowly as they get closer to the ship and the water.

Because of course, of course it had to be a ship. Of the millions of realities and universes, of all the places or jobs or periods she could be, of all of time and space, of course this is when and where she would end up.

But things could still be worse.

Sure, Nate is obviously trying to arrest her, but she's sure Zari or Ray or maybe Mick are currently coming to her rescue. On this royal navy ship. Full of people who would probably arrest them on sight.

Yeah, maybe she's on her own.

But still, things could be much worse.

She is almost glad there are two men dragging her up into the ship, because she isn't certain she would have been able to make the walk herself. Her hands and feet are starting to tingle and her breath is ragged, her pulse racing. Once they're up on deck, from where she can't see the water, and the ship is still steady as if she's on the ground again, she starts to regain some feeling in her limbs. However, it's short lived: as soon as they start sailing, as soon as the ship is moving, her legs go numb and she feels like puking.

The men, led by Nate, drag her into a cabin, or so it seems, and wherever she is being pushed into, she knows for sure this is no cell and there are no bars. And if there is anything she's learned about being abducted, is that things are bad with bars and worse without, because it means someone is about to get their hands on you and Sara is not a fan of torture of any kind.

“Where am I?” Sara asks when they stop in a small, almost empty anteroom that seems to be leading to private quarters. She tries to make her voice sound steady, menacing, but the bile she can taste is enough to remind her she's not in control right now, and for all she tries, she can't sound that convincing acting like she is.

Her head is swirling and being on a goddamn boat isn't helping.

“The admiral's private quarters. He'll be with you shortly. As per his request you are not to leave his sight until we're back on land and there is a rope around your neck,” Nate informs her, then proceeds to quickly check for any weapons that might still be on her persona while they're waiting. He also takes a swift look around, but the small hidden space has barely any adornments and certainly not any weapons in it.

Sara feels sicker and she doesn't think it has to do with the ship picking up speed. And maybe things could be worse, yes, but right about now? They're getting pretty bad.

There is no way Nate doesn't understand why an admiral would force a female prisoner into his quarters instead of a cell, but he doesn't seem to dwell on it.

“I'd rather take the cell if it's all the same to you,” she tries, in a spiteful tone, as harsh as she can muster.

They're starting to really take off now and there are flashbacks ready to be played at the edge of her mind, yet she tries her best to push those away. Despite her best efforts, she knows she's going to be sick soon, possibly even pass out, and she doesn't want to have to fight off an admiral while fighting off PTSD as well.

She feels weak, drained from the inter-dimensional travel, and seasick at the same time. If it was any other place, any other time, she could have taken out three armed men bare handed with little effort, especially men trained by pirates with no fire weapons on sight. If she wasn't seeing flashes of white behind her eyes from touching that damned thing that got her into this mess in the first place, or if she wasn't feeling sick and numb from being on a boat again after managing to avoid one for so long.

Any other time, this wouldn't be even remotely close to the worst situation she's ever been in, not by a long shot.

But as it is, she feels the dread creep up her spine. There is no way out. And it doesn't look like help is coming from anywhere else.

“He shan't hurt you,” Nate says in a whisper, when the two men back off and out of the door they came in. He knocks on the other door, the one in front of him, and then turns back to Sara. “He's an honorable man. And even if it is quite strange, as he's never done this before, I know he-”

“Oh, yes, I bet he's the best, just wants to have a companionable chat with me, right?”

Sudden silence befalls the room when the door slowly opens with an ominous creek, a shadow looming over it.

“Leave us,” the order is clear but curt.

Nate nods and backs away sparing one last look to a very pale Sara, but apparently he truly believes his admiral won't hurt her. Or, possibly, he doesn't care what happens to a pirate. The door closes slowly, with a soft thud, and suddenly there's silence again in the small space.

Sara is trying to find something to anchor her to reality, so she can at least have a fighting chance, maybe not manage to escape the ship, but at least harm the admiral enough that he'll rethink his plan and have her thrown into a cell, or to the sea.

But as she's still thinking about the best course of action, the boat sways and she falters. There's sudden, quick movement as the admiral steps out of the shadows and she can't react fast enough. Strong hands circle her arms and keep her upright.

Sara looks up with a spiteful remark on her lips, but it dies as soon as she looks into the admiral's eyes.

“You never do make it easy on me, do you, my love?”

“Ava?”

“You know it's Alan Sharpe, when I'm in this uniform. Let me lead you to my room, you probably haven't eaten today at all, you can have some supper and get some rest. We can think of a plan for your pretend escape tomorrow, yes?”

Sara feels her shoulders fall a little, because this isn't her Ava, but it's closer, it's so close in the way she's looking at her, the way she's offering to take care of her, and Sara feels closer to home in this goddamn boat in the middle of the ocean being a bloody pirate than she did wearing her own clothes the day before.

She falls into Ava's embrace easily, clings to her like it's been weeks instead of two days since the last time she's seen her own girlfriend.

Ava holds her, hugs her back, and it's all Sara needs to keep her together, at least for now. A gentle hand rubs her back, then Ava kisses her temple. All of Sara's worries from a moment before fall away, even the boat seem steadier and the white flashes lessen.

“Something happened,” she manages to get out after a few silent moments. “In Isabela. I touched an artifact-”

“Oh, Sara, you didn't. You touched the Cursed Talisman?”

“If you mean that white glow-y thing in the hollow tree, than yeah, couple of times.”

Ava frowns, leans back while still holding Sara's arms with her hands to keep her steady, and squints her eyes to better look at her.

“Did you hit your head, my love? These words and how you are saying them-”

“No, I'm not concussed, I'm from the future!”

Ava's eyes go comically bigger, she gapes for a moment, then raises an eyebrow, like she's trying to gauge if Sara is serious or if she's messing with her.

“I beg your pardon?”

“I touched the artifact, and it- well it's a long story, but that thing is basically a door between realities and I've been pulled away from the universe I'm from and thrown into this one. So I guess I'm not from the future, I'm technically from another reality.”

“Ah, yes, much more sensible,” Ava mocks her, but her eyes are clear and the ghost of a smile is on her face, like she loves Sara even when she's not making any sense.

“We need to go back, so I can touch it again and go back to you, Aves. Please, you have to help me get home.”

Ava hums, thinks about it for a moment, her eyes still taking in Sara's features carefully, like she's looking for something familiar there.

“This is not a scheme to steal some gold or a treasure, is it?”

“No!” Sara sounds indignant.

It's not that crazy of a stretch, but there are more pressing matters at the moment and she has no time to worry about treasures.

“You truly need my help going back?”

“Yes, I do. Please.”

Ava thinks about it intently for a long moment, then nods.

“We will hatch a plan in the morning,” she says again. “But for now, please, eat something and get some rest, you look awfully pale.”

“Yeah, fun story. Where I'm from, I hate boats. I get really, really seasick.”

“Oh, Heavens. We are in for quite an adventure yet again, it would appear. Well, not to fear, my love, I shall get you to your destination safely in the morning, but for now I cannot have them turn the ship around without a reason.”

“Okay. Eat, sleep, then think of a plan?” Sara sums up.

“Yes, I reckon this shall be the best order of things.”

“God, that accent is so sexy. And the outfit too, like, it's really doing it for me. But no, nope, we can't sleep together. Can we? No, definitely no, it'd be like cheating, because you're not my Ava and I'm not your Sara. Although, technically, this is her body and not mine, so _would_ it be cheating, really?”

Ava just listens to her rant, half amused half perplexed, trying to follow those scattered thoughts, as she leads her into the next room gently, carefully, where a warm meal is already waiting for them, while Sara keeps pretty much just nervously thinking out loud.

“Yes, yes, it would be cheating even if it's still me and you. So no, we can't sleep together. But I'm getting you a sword first thing when I get home.”

Ava pulls out a chair for her, then walks around the table just looking as Sara eats, pondering the sentences that have been pouring out of Sara's mouth. There is silence while she eats, but she slows down pretty quickly and looks in Ava's direction, noticing how she's still scrutinizing her as if she's trying to figure something out.

“Sorry, I don't talk this much usually, I'm just really weirded out by the inter-dimensional traveling, apparently.”

Ava nods, like she understands, which she doesn't.

“So, in your reality, are we together?”

“We are,” Sara nods. “You're the director of a federal agency and I'm- well, I guess I'm a captain there, too. I work for you, technically, for the government. And you don't have to pretend to be a man, being the future and all.”

That seems to surprise Ava quite a bit.

“So things do get better.”

“Definitely. Not perfect, but decidedly better, yeah.”

“I am glad to hear that. It has not been easy.”

Sara nods, then frowns.

“I can't imagine how hard it is for you, being with me in secret. A pirate, nonetheless.”

“You steal loots from the empire and give them back to the people. I would hardly condemn you for it, and more than once I wished for half the bravery you have. I would leave this life, as secure as it is, for a better cause. Many times you have asked me to join you and Captain Jiwe in your quest, and I am not entirely sure why I was never ready before.”

“But you are now?” Sara asks tentatively, trying to keep up with Ava's story.

“I fail to see how I can let you go and retain my status as admiral. Yet, I do not wish to see a rope around your neck anytime soon, so I believe we shall leave this ship with our lifeboat at first light and go look for the Talisman, so I shall get my Sara back and join her and her crew.”

Sara tries not to look too impressed. Or aroused. Because it's _Ava_ and she believes Sara, looks at her with love in her eyes, and she's dressed like an admiral and talking like _that_ and she has a sword hanging from her waist and-

Sara clears her throat, in hopes it will clear her head, too.

“Sounds like you've already hatched a plan.”

Ava smiles, then ducks her head a little, in the cute way she does when she wants to smile but doesn't want to ruin her badass image.

“I am a quick thinker. I believe it is why you fancied me to start with.”

Sara smirks at that. “Was it now?”

Ava looks away again, trying to chase away a smirk of her own.

“I believed, once you found out I was a woman, you would lose interest or perhaps even expose me. When you told me you were the feared Captain Lance I admittedly took it poorly, but got over it once I realized all the good you were doing. So I told you who I was, and you did not care. You fancied me perhaps more because I was truly myself before you. That was almost one year ago and there has not been a day we have not loved each other.”

“Do you see her often?”

“Not as often as I would like, but we do see each other on furlough once every four or six weeks. And I trust that her heart is mine even when she cannot see me. She often reminds me that, even when I'm not in front of her eyes, I'm always at the forefront of her mind.”

“I don't doubt that for a moment. You also seem very taken with her.”

A flash of sadness crosses Ava's features and she looks down for a moment, then straighten her shoulders more.

“I would have asked her hand long ago, if I could have.”

Sara understands suddenly, why Ava seems so reluctant to look her in the eyes, why she's elusive and hidden away. It's not shame, but maybe sorrow, because Sara told her they can be together openly where she's from, and Ava can't give Sara that in this timeline.

“You're Admiral Alan Sharpe. Can't you marry her as him?”

Ava walks slowly to the small window by the desk, stares at the sea below them, gets lost in her own thoughts for a long moment.

“What kind of life would that be? She loves me, now, but if I marry her, she shall be with me til death takes one of us. She could never have a family. A normal life.”

“You _are_ her family, Ava, don't you know? Look, I don't really know her, but I know how I feel about you – I mean, about my Ava – and I couldn't imagine any other life for myself but sharing whichever one I have with her.”

Ava turns to her, almost incredulous at the admission coming from Sara. Maybe this is why it's so hard for her to look into her eyes then: maybe in this time they talk about their feelings even less, maybe it's simply how things are done.

“My advice is, go with her, live as a pirate for a while if you wanna try that out. When you're both tired of it and ready to retire, ask for her hand and marry her as Alan if you can. Just tell her your entire plan, make sure she wants the same, and you're good to go.”

Ava frowns, but nods.

“I shall. Thank you.”

Sara smiles, because this? Ava's insecurities and her own inability to talk about feelings? This is definitely something she can help with.

  
  


Ava gently shakes her awake, it's still pitch dark to her, but the woman ordering her around seems confident it's going to be first light soon, so Sara trusts her and gets up, starting to get dressed like she's told.

The admiral pointedly stares at the floorboards between her feet, back turned on Sara for good measure, while the blonde slips into the clothes she had discarded the night before. Like Ava has never seen her in her underdress before, which Sara is sure she has.

They sneak out like this isn't Ava's ship and make their way to the life boat as silently as they can, with Ava leading her into the dark, with only a small torch lit with fire to lead the way and Ava gesturing around every cracking board so Sara knows not to step on those. She briefly wonders for how long Ava has been on this ship to know it this well, how many years working as the ship's boy and then as a mere crew member she had to endure just to become Commodore, let alone Admiral, and how little she had to think about saving Sara at the cost of her own career. In fact, the moment Sara was captured, Ava asked she be brought to her cabin with the sole intent of freeing her as soon as possible. Ava gave her entire life up in favor of a criminal path, just so Sara could be free. And she did so lightly, and with no hesitation. There is no doubt in Sara's mind of the love this woman has for her counterpart, and there is no doubt her counterpart loves this Ava just as much.

When they actually make it to the lifeboat without anyone jumping their bones, Sara feels suspicious, almost. Things never go quite this flawlessly for them, usually.

Ava helps her into the boat, then passes the torch over.

“Do not take another step.”

Sara knows this voice, she recognizes it even from overboard, where she can't see the man on the deck. She knows the voice and she hopes, foolishly, impossibly, that somehow, for some reason she can't quite think of, he'll let them go.

“Commodore.”

“Admiral?”

Ava's voice is deeper when she fakes being Alan, and her eyes seem harder from where Sara's standing, looking up. She doesn't turn to Nate, instead she subtly gestures for Sara to go, to start sailing, to save herself.

Sara shakes her head and Ava clenches her jaw, but turns.

“What are you doing out here?”

“Checking the deck, as one does.”

“That is not your job, sir. I thought you meant to keep an eye on our prisoner at all times.”

Sara can see it, now. The subtle shifting to a lighter sky that is about to show the first morning light in a few minutes. They need to leave as soon as possible, they should have left already, and Nate stalling them is a problem, despite Ava seemingly being still calm.

“I have always had a soft spot for you, commodore,” the words are followed by the noise of a sword unsheathing. “Do not make me harm you.”

“Sir?”

“I know you know, Nathaniel. You have known since Blackbeard stabbed my side and you had to keep me from bleeding out,” her voice is less deep now, like she's hinting at the meaning behind her words without admitting out loud she's a woman.

Sara closes her eyes and hopes she knows Nate well enough to gauge what is going to happen next, but she's not sure how much this Nate resembles hers.

“And you knew,” Ava goes on, “that she was the woman we met in Port Royal, the woman you know I carry in my heart, when you captured her last night and saw her face. But you did not turn on me then, and I believe you might want to let us go now.”

There's a moment when everything is still. The air is heavy and Sara opens her eyes again, trying to gauge how long it'll be before sunrise now.

“I did know. I never cared you were a woman. And I knew she had the same name, your love, as the dreaded Captain Lance. And last night, when I saw her, I hoped to God I was mistaken when she did not want to see you or be alone with you. But I was right, was I not?”

“In a way. She touched the Cursed Talisman, Nathaniel. Traveled through realms, she says. She is not my love, but rather a different version of her. She is from a world of wonders, if what she says is true, and I must get her back home. You said it, she's my love.”

“I see. And the Royal Navy?”

“This was never my place. Say she took me as her prisoner. Alan shall be gone forever in a few days and maybe you'll cross paths with me again someday, but I will be under a black sail and shall have my hair out of its cage.”

“So this is why? Freedom?”

“Why else? Nothing is ever worth as much. Or rather,” she corrects, “only her life is.”

She hears the sound of a sword being sheathed.

“Go, then. Sail fast and do not look back. I will not give the alarm, but you know I will have to chase you after someone else does, if nothing else to keep up the pretense you've been taken against your will.”

“You have been the truest of friends. Someday, I will repay you this debt.”

“You already have, admiral.”

Sara can't see them, but she hears the sword Ava is holding slide back inside its holder, a moment later Ava is sitting next to her, and they're taking off as quickly as the waves will carry them, right as the first light of the new day shines on them.

  
  


It is easy to immediately tell that Ava is quite the expert sailer, she manages to get them yards ahead before the dawn is over, and even after the sun gets a little higher in the sky Sara can't really see any ship on their trail.

“We got quite the head start.”

“I shall hope so, I gave up my sleep in favor of sabotaging them. There's a hole the size of a head in the cargo bay.”

Sara bites her cheek as not to smirk.

“You're sneaky. No wonder I tried to seduce you and asked you to join my crew.”

Ava smiles a little, ducking her head.

“I'm a taken woman, Captain Lance.”

“I really hope so,” Sara's smirk only grows. “But I do love making you smile.”

Ava smiles again, briefly, then scolds her features into a more appropriate expression as she sails ahead.

She takes off her hat only to let her hair fall down and puts it back on, then turns the jacket of her uniform inside out and wears it that way. It's not a perfect fit, but at least it's a different color and it's not going to draw unwanted attention their way if they bump into some strangers while on the island.

Right then, with the morning light shining down on her, hair free to dance in the wind, eyes trailing ahead on the water, Ava looks stunning. For a moment, Sara finds it hard to breathe. The usual fondness is clouded by longing, because looking at this woman who is giving up everything she knows in life to save her, Sara can't help but miss her own version of her. She can't help but wish she was back home again, in Ava's arms, with her gentle lips on her own temple and her laugh soft in her ears. For the first time, a dangerous, dark thought fills her mind. What if she never gets to go back? What then?

She shakes that fear off as best as she can: she has to go back. She needs to tell Ava that, having been in multiple universes, she now has _proof_ their love beats worlds. Sara needs to tell her she's never been this happy, or this in love before. She needs to say so many things, once she goes back, and she can't wait.

But, for now, all she can do is keep going, survive, fight. And, for Ava, she'll never stop trying to go home.

  
  


When they reach the shore, there are ships on the horizon. They know the time they have is short, but the advantage they have is that they're traveling lighter, so they need to move as fast as possible through the woods.

Sara gets a little bit lost in the forest she doesn't really recognize, but Ava guides her with little doubt through the right path.

“How did you-”

“I told you, I know of the Talisman.”

“Yeah, okay, but _how_? Did you touch it too?”

“No, I'm not quite as foolish as you, my love.”

Sara scoffs at the jab and keeps looking at her pointedly.

Ava seems to hesitate, but, as Sara keeps staring at her, she shrugs and realizes she has nothing to lose by telling this story to a woman who is about to get thrown out of this reality for good in just a few minutes.

“You say you come from another land, Captain Lance. I come from another time. It is quite hard to explain and I do not recall much of what life was there, but I know there were hundreds of me and I got displaced here.”

So this Ava is an anachronistic clone, too. Sara bites down that cold analysis and just keeps listening instead.

“It had to mean something. I believe, if you allow me to say, it was so I could meet you in this life. I am quite certain you are my soulmate, Sara.”

That sentence catches her off guard and straight up throws her for a loop.

“It is a little weird that in the one timeline I was a pirate you happened to be an anachronism at the same period of time.”

“A _what_?”

“Never mind. Thank you, Ava. For all your help.”

“Thank _you_ , Captain Lance, for giving me the push I needed towards bravery.”

They shake hands, but Sara pulls her in and hugs her briefly. Yep, the outfit is really doing it for her, she needs to get Ava a sword and a hat as soon as she gets back.

She hurries to the Talisman and turns one last time.

Ava tips her hat and smiles.

She looks freer, wilder than the night before. It's amazing to her how just a few short conversations have given her the courage to be more herself. It's amazing how happier Ava looks now that she's free from what she was supposed to do and doing what she wants. She hopes, so much, that things will work out for the two lovebird pirates she's leaving behind.

“Be brave, my love,” Ava tells her with a smile.

And Sara tries to be. She nods, turns, and touches the Talisman in the hollow tree, bracing herself for impact.

  
  


 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know your thughts!


	3. love shouldn't have to be a war (but if I had to I'd fight them all)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Next reality, same old problems: someone wants Sara dead, someone wants Sara safe.

She comes back to her senses because her head keeps hitting the ground. And it makes no sense, at least not in her hazy state, how her head can keep hitting the ground, since she's already lying down and not moving.

Except, she is moving.

Her head is lulled by the motion of the wooden cart she's in, and it's bouncing against it every few seconds; it's not a pleasant feeling to wake to.

At the realization that she's in the back of a cart, her eyes fly open and she sits up with a jolt, trying to make sense of her surroundings. And, as predicted, she sure is laying on the back of a cart, there is a man sitting in the front and manning the horses pulling it, wearing strange clothes. She doesn't need him to turn: the hair is enough to recognize him.

“Where are we going? We need to go back,” it's the first thing she says, because, to be fair, she doesn't want to be here, if here is when and where she thinks she is.

“Oh, you have awoken! Do not worry, the next village is but a few miles ahead of us, a healer will take care of you in no time.”

“What happened?” Sara frowns and tries to remember that if she tells the truth Ray might think she's crazy and have her burned at the stake or hanged or something.

“I found you in the woods, passed out. I carried you on my cart and set off to the village I was headed to. I really think you have to be from there, there's nothing else for miles and miles,” he frowns and shrugs a little.

“And are you from there?”

“No, no,” he shakes his head with a gentle smile. “I got on this island by boat, to offer a friend a safe passage home.”

“A friend?”

“Sir Nathaniel of the Hey Woods. He has been traveling with two women and a man, I believe, but they lost their means of transportation and a large part of their belongings, so here I am, ready to help them get home safely.”

Sara frowns. Okay, so she probably was here with Nate. But if she had traveling companions where were they, then? Well, it didn't really matter anyway, because she wasn't staying.

“I need to go back. To the clearing you found me in.”

“Oh, that is not a wise idea. We shall have you fixed before, then I can take you back there, if you wish.”

“Fixed?” Sara frowns.

“The wound on your head is still bleeding, and you look in dire need of a meal and a bath, if I may be so bold.”

Sara is hugely temped to retort by repeating the words Ray just threw her way in a mocking tone and then knock him out cold to take control of the horses, but she stops when she sees the village is just a few minutes ahead: she can already see the first few houses in the distance.

It can't hurt to let Ray bring her there, maybe eat something, then perhaps finally take a shower. Or, rather, maybe a bath. Whatever it is, Ray isn't wrong in saying she needs to get cleaned up. It's not even really her own body, but she's been traveling through realities for days now, and she feels like a break from the madness for some relaxing times might be just what she needs to get through this without going crazy.

“My name is Raymond,” he adds after a few moments of silence, like he's just now realized he hasn't introduced himself, yet.

Sara nods, but doesn't offer her own name in return. For all she knows, she could be a criminal here, too. Or worse, she could be someone Ray is looking for. Then she'd have to stay with him a lot longer than intended, when all she wants to do is eat something, scrub away some dirt, and run back to the Crystal, or Talisman, or Artifact, or whatever its actual name is, so she can finally go back to her own home.

“And yours is?” Ray prompts her. Of course.

She's about to offer a fake name, when something drops in front of their cart and makes Ray come to an abrupt stop. Or rather, _someone_. Apparently that someone had been hiding in the trees and decides that is the best moment to jump down.

Sara is confused for a long moment, but it quickly fades. The man standing in front of them is dressed in a peculiar green hoodie that she could recognize everywhere, the hood is covering his eyes and upper face, but his stance and the way his bow is aimed at them leave little to no doubt in Sara's mind about who's standing in front of them, even before he speaks.

“Let her go and you shan't be harmed.”

“I was merely escorting the lady to the next village over. She seem to have hit her head fairly hard and I was going to provide her with a meal and a bath, she is in no danger,” Ray says in a calm tone, but his hands raise up at the threat.

“I will escort her from here. Get off the cart,” the hooded man's voice is steady and he's using a deep tone, but Sara knows who he is. There is only one person who dresses like that this far away from Halloween.

“Relax, Ray's a good guy, plus the village is right there, we might as well take the ride. I keep seeing these, like... white lights behind my eyes, I think I'm gonna be sick,” Sara tries to shake the aftermath of the inter-dimensional jump like she's done before, but it seems like the over jumping with no rest is finally catching up on her, since she can barely still feel her legs. “I should probably mention, I have some memory loss. I have no idea what I'm doing here or whom I'm traveling with, so you better get on the cart and start explaining.”

“Why is she speaking in such manner? What have you done to her?” The archer demands are accompanied by the string of his bow tensing even more.

“I did nothing! She hit her head really hard, I promise I am only trying to help,” Ray says again, then turns to Sara with a frown. “Do you know this hooded wanderer?”

“We were stranded here together, weeks ago. We have been trying to evade the imperial guards ever since,” the man supplies.

“Hence the hood on his face,” Sara murmurs. “Wait, so I didn't come here with Nate, it's just a coincidence he's here, too?”

“I beg your pardon?” Ray is starting to look really worried about her now, and Sara isn't sure what she should do.

“Fate really has mysterious ways,” she mutters to herself, before trying to stand up.

Once she's sure her feet aren't going to give out, she jumps off the cart and walks over to the hooded man, patting him on the arm as she passes him and keeps walking towards the village.

“Come on, Oliver, you don't want to be slower than an injured woman, do you?”

“I thought we agreed not to use our names,” he whispers harshly, falling into step with her as Ray starts the cart again to follow them.

“Why? And why are we avoiding the guards if we were just stranded here?”

“You really lost your mind in the few hours we were parted,” he sighs. “We were coming to Isabela to investigate upon the mysterious disappearance of your betrothed when our boat was attacked by one of the imperial navy ships. It seems to me someone does not want us to find out what happened to your beloved.”

Sara feels her heart sink at that word.

So Nyssa is there, too. Nate and Ray, she likes to think they were meant to be in her life somehow, so that things could get to the point they were. She thinks the same about Amaya, Zari, Mick and of course about Ava. She believes Oliver was meant to be in her life as well, but, like Nyssa, he was meant to be the past that once taught her a lesson rather than her future.

But, apparently, in this reality, her present looks like this: she and Oliver are marooned again and something nefarious is happening to her betrothed.

“How long have we been here, exactly?” Sara wonders out loud. “And what did we find?”

“A fortnight since we left the camp we set on the coast. I was injured and could not walk on my own. As strong as you are, you could not carry me. We had to wait for five days before I was strong enough to move.”

“So we've been here almost three weeks. What did we find? Any clues about what happened to-” she glances back at Ray, and doesn't want to take any chances by using names or pronouns she shouldn't. “My betrothed?” Sara forces out the word, as strange as is tastes on her own tongue, and looks back at Oliver expectantly.

“She was seen with some of the survivors of her crew heading for Isabela. That is where we were going before we got separated. When I found you again, you were with him,” Oliver shoots a look to Ray, who smiles, undeterred.

“Sir Ray of the Palms,” he introduces himself again. “And pardon me my bluntness, but I couldn't help but notice the crest on your vests. You come from Starling as well? I am from the South Kingdom myself, but I am a part of the North Kingdom knights nowadays.”

“Wait a second, stop, stop,” there's something pulling at the edge of her mind, bothering her about this whole ordeal.

Ray and Oliver, thankfully, listen to her and come to a halt, the former still sitting on his cart, the latter standing next to Sara and looking at her with poorly hidden concern in his eyes.

“Ray-” Sara turns. “Raymond. You said your friend asked for help, right?”

“Oh, yes! He sent a letter so I would know he and my other friends were held here with no means to leave the island. They appear to also be in some trouble with the imperial guards, since they could not seek safe passage home from them, but rather asked for me to come here with my own ship and crew.”

Sara squinted. Something wasn't right.

“If they have no means to leave the island,” Sara asks, “then how did they send out a letter to you? The letter clearly left the island, Ray.”

“Well, you see,” he starts, but then he comes up short, stopping mid sentence and frowning, trying to think of an appropriate response. “Oh. I had not ventured that far in my reasoning, a friend needed me so I came at once.”

“And that is why you're the best of friends, but right now, that also means that someone is luring you into Isabela for a trap,” Sara tries to explain. “If your friends are wanted by the imperial guards, what better way to lure them out of hiding than capture one of their closest friends?”

“That sounds like an awfully elaborate plan for-”

Oliver never gets to finish that sentence, because before he can say another word, someone is yelling Ray's name along with an order not to move, and ten men riding horses and pointing arrows are throttling towards the three of them.

Before there is time to react, they're surrounded and at the mercy of ten men that look like fancy imperial guards. Sara now knows this was a really, really bad reality to stumble into. But she would be lying if she didn't think the thrill was kinda worth it.

“Well, well, well,” one of the men drawls, getting off his horse. “We came to catch a bait for a fish and end up catching ourselves the white whale.”

“Merlyn,” Oliver snarls. “I should have figured you were the one carrying out the king's rotten will,” he raises his bow and aims at Malcolm's throat.

The only effect is that he laughs. “You might shoot me, Queen, but after you kill me my men will slaughter the three of you. Lower your bow, and your friends will live.”

“You won't kill Sara, the king-”

“Oh, believe me, _my_ king will make me the head of his army if I walk inside his castle with her corpse in my arms. He never approved. It would be foolish to think he could have ever approved of his own daughter, the hair to his throne, marrying someone like _her_.”

The words is said with so much spite it almost makes Sara recoil, but she controls her reaction and scolds her features into a neutral expression.

“A foreigner. An outlaw,” Merlyn scoffs and shakes his head. “A murderer.”

“Watch your words,” the warning, surprisingly, doesn't come from Oliver. It comes from Ray, who steps down from his cart and unsheathes his sword. For the first time, Sara looks at him, really looks at him, and can see he's wearing an armor with a different crest than theirs, but it looks like a knight's armor or something close enough. “Sir Raymond of the Palms, under the branch of the army guided by Sir Darhk. I am not inclined to believe he would grant you mercy if you were to harm one of his best knights.”

“Oh, please,” Merlyn smirks. “He was the one who made sure that letter got to you. I promised him I would use you as bait and return his daughter to him unharmed once she's back in our care. I did not, however, made the same promise about your wellbeing.”

Ray frowns, like he's having trouble believing Darhk would sell him out. Sara doesn't doubt it for a second.

“I knew you would come looking for her as soon as I wrote that letter signing Nathaniel's name. Suffice to say, Damien is not happy about his daughter choices in courtship. Your head is worth with him almost as much as Sara's is worth with the king. Daughters,” Merlyn mutters, drawing his own sword. “Hearing of their troubles with the heart, makes me glad I only had a son.”

“So you lured Ray here to use him as bait for Nate and Nora, at the same time if you end up killing him and us, all the better for your climb of the army ranks. In all of this, you're also looking for the king's daughter, that you believe is with Nate – and Nora, I guess? – and wanted to use Ray as bait to lure her out. Man, you have one twisted mind, either that, or this goddamn reality is just bonkers,” Sara says with a long sigh, trying to decide what her next move is going to be.

“What hails her?” Merlyn grimaces.

“She hit her head,” Oliver and Ray say at the same time.

“That's the least of my problems, right now,” Sara corrects. “I touched a glow-y thing that brought me here from another reality, there are a bunch of people I know on this island that all want to either kill each other or lure each other into traps or even use each other as bait for said traps. I have no idea what half the things you're talking about mean and I'm going to have to fight you all while my eyes are flashing white, so yeah, hitting my head is pretty low on the things I wish I could change right now.”

There is a long moment when everybody is just looking at her in complete and utter confusion, and that is exactly the advantage she needs to disarm the man closest to her and steal his bow, so she can struck down two other men standing further away on their horses. Oliver starts shooting arrows too as soon as the fight breaks, and Ray fights off the men that have dismounted their horses with the sword he's carrying.

In a few minutes, the only one who is still standing is Malcolm himself.

He hasn't even bothered to join in the fight, which tells Sara a lot about how little he's worried about the outcome. He's just standing there, smiling.

“That was endearing. How long can you keep going? Because the rest of my army has surrounded you by now.”

Sure enough, when they look around, there are dozens of men standing around them, and no way out of there in sight that doesn't involve a lot of pain and eventual death.

Sara doesn't say a word, but her hands drop the weapons she's picked up during the fight and she raises them in surrender. She gives Merlyn a smile of her own, throwing him off his game for only a moment, before he has them all arrested and dragged to the city a few yards ahead.

  
  


They're thrown in a cell dark and humid, with a smell that reminds Sara of the Amazo: desperation and pain.

She hates cells. She hates not being able to rely on her team, she hates this inter-dimensional travel crap.

But there's a part of her, a deep, dark, side of her, that is whispering that maybe this is for the better anyway. What would she have done if she hadn't been captured? If she had been reunited with her betrothed while she was still the wrong Sara? She would have had to look into Nyssa's eyes and pretend to love her, and that wouldn't have been fair and probably would not have been convincing anyway.

She doesn't know exactly how, but it's apparent her only two choices right now are lies or death, and she isn't keen on the latter.

“What you said, about being from another reality,” Oliver is the first to speak, after what seem to be like hours of silence in their holding cell. “Is it the truth?”

Sara looks at them and sighs. She walks slowly to one of the walls and sits down on the ground, then looks up and meets their eyes. Ray has the same kindness he always had, and Oliver has the same loneliness and torment. They're so different, but it's so easy to see they're just the same people she trusts with her own life.

“Yeah. I touched a portal. I've been traveling from realm to realm trying to go home. I need to touch the portal again so I can get out of this reality before I-” she squeezes her eyes. “There is someone back home that my heart belongs to. I cannot betray that, I won't.”

For the first time since she's been in this mess, tears gather behind her eyelids. She's so far from home, so far from Ava. She feels a hole in her chest at the thought that, despite every person she has ever known being on this godforsaken island right now, the only one who's nowhere to be found is the one she wishes she could see more than anything else.

“That is why you keep calling me Ray. We know each other?”

Sara nods, a small smile on her lips. “We do. I know Nate, too. And Nora, though not really that well. You two, you're working things out in my reality, too.”

Ray smiles, happy at the thought. Oliver still looks a little incredulous, but knows better than to ask twice.

He's about to say something, when they hear footsteps nearing. They tense immediately and step away from the bars, when a guard with a helmet stops right in front of them.

“It looks like the rescuers have become the ones in dire need of rescue,” the guard says out loud. “Oh, right,” he murmurs, then slides his helmet off.

“Nathaniel! Oh, I am so happy to see you!”

“Raymond. Worry not, I stole the keys,” he smiles at them slyly, then opens the cell door and ushers them out.

“There are guards at every exit,” Oliver whispers as they're making their way through the prison as quietly as possible.

“Not the one I came from, took them out and stole their clothes.”

“Do not move!” Someone yells from behind them. “There they are, capture them!”

“Run,” Nate says hurriedly, then sprints off in the direction of a small corridor. They follow him through it and lose most of the guards, then find themselves in front of a side exit door guarded by two armed men. The other guards catch up to them and for a split second Sara thinks this is when and where she's going to die, and Ava will have to spend the rest of her days with someone inside Sara's body who's still in love with Nyssa.

It is such a cruel fate.

She cannot think of a sadder ending for herself and Ava.

That is when the two guards at the exit charge against the other guards that were following them, using the element of surprise to take them out as quickly as possible, helped by Nate, the only other one of them armed.

They run out and Nate guides them into the back of a carriage.

“Go, Gary, go!”

Someone on the front handles the horses and a moment later they're speeding off.

One of the two guards takes off her helmet – the other one is standing on the edge with Oliver, the two of them using bows to fend off the few soldiers still chasing after them. Sara is standing a few feet away, but even in the darkness, once the helmet comes off, she can see the long cascade of raven hair falling out of it. And she thinks this must be it, this is the moment she has to calmly explain that this romance they're taking on the world for, isn't meant to be. She isn't sure she can, maybe she just has to lie her way out of it, but it feels so impossible, it feels like her longing for Ava is written all over her face.

Then, the raven haired woman turns around.

“Nora?”

“Nora!” Ray hugs her quickly, before he can think better of it, and gives her a blinding smile. “I am so happy to see you.”

“I am too, Raymond,” she smiles at him fondly, pulled in by his enthusiasm. “Help me out of this armor, it is heavy, uncomfortable and far too warm.”

Sara's eyes move to the person helping Oliver. They must be losing the soldiers, because Oliver nods to signal he can hand the rest alone, and the person turns. Piercing blue eyes stare at her from behind the helmet and Sara's heart is hammering in her chest.

She drops the bow, then lifts her helmet.

Sara smiles. It's the only thing she can do right now, at the sight that greets her. She steps forward, ready to hug Ava, but is frozen in place when she remembers what happened when she jumped into Ava's arms at the FBI headquarters on her first journey across realities.

Ava is the one to walk the three steps to her. She smiles gently and takes Sara's hand in her to offer reassurance.

“It has been almost a month, my love. I am truly sorry it took me this long to find my way back to you.”

Sara sighs, her shoulders relax, and she melts into Ava's arms.

Ava stiffens for a moment, but then a hand, still clad in a gauntlet, gently presses against Sara's back to hold her close. Almost feeling Sara's doubts, Ava clears her voice and leans back.

“I do apologize. Sometimes my upbringing still gets the best of me. Embraces and other displays of courtship are not really forthcoming of a princess.”

Ava's cheeks are a little more colorful than usual, maybe because of the armor, but maybe because of the soft admission, and Sara doesn't think she's ever seen anything cuter than this. It must show in her expression, because Ray is clearing his voice a second later.

“What happened to not betraying the one your heart belongs to?”

Sara smiles. “It's Ava. Ava's the one my heart belongs to,” she says without taking her eyes off of the other woman's face.

“Well, I would hope so, we are to be married in a month!”

“No, Sara is not our Sara,” Oliver tries to explain. “She was brought here by a portal, she belongs in another reality. She says she needs to touch the portal again to go back.”

“Oh. And in this other reality-”

“My heart belongs to you. I've missed you,” Sara whispers, before hugging Ava again on instinct, but being less than happy with the coldness of the armor she leans back again quickly, and starts helping Ava out of it like Ray did for Nora.

“Did you hit your head, perhaps?” Ava tries to ask, in a delicate and careful tone, noticing the dried blood in Sara's hair.

“I did, but it was _after_ I got knocked into this reality by a portal inside a hollow tree. Listen, I know it sounds crazy, and I know you have no reason to believe me because I have no proof. But I also know that, when you look into my eyes, you always see my soul, Aves. I'm not lying to you, I wouldn't, and I have no reason to. I just want to go home to you, but I need your help to do it.”

Ava keeps staring into her eyes for a long moment, looking for something; she seems to find it a moment later, because she smiles again and ducks her head for a split second before looking up again.

“Aves?”

Sara smiles back. “Aves. I call you that, sometimes.”

“I like it. It is indeed very endearing. So, my love, where is this portal we must bring you to?”

Sara beams, and hugs Ava again. Ava hugs her back.

  
  


They need to hide until the soldiers and guards looking for them around the woods lessen a little, maybe start walking again with the favor of the night darkness, but for the moment they ditch the carriage and find a hidden spot, a small cave, they can hide in for a few hours.

“This land you come from,” Nate inquires after a few silent minutes, “are we friends there?”

“Yeah. We have a ship and travel together, we have other friends too. Like Zari, do you know someone by that name?”

Sara sees how Ava tenses at the mention of her.

“What happened?” She asks before she can stop herself.

Ava can't quite meet her eyes.

“She stayed behind. Someone had to deceive the king so we could make our escape. He was planning on making me a prisoner, force me to marry a royal he chose to strengthen the kingdom's alliances. She knew you'd come to look for me, and she was the one who told you and Oliver where to find us.”

“The plan was simple enough,” Oliver sighed. “We got here, you two eloped. The North and South would be made one upon your return, no more wars, no more deaths.”

“How would my marriage join our kingdoms?” Sara frowned.

“Because my father is the King of the North,” Ava explained. “And Oliver is the King of the South. After Queen Laurel passed, and since there are no heirs to the Queen's name, you're the next in line after Oliver for the crown of the South.”

“Wait a moment. You're saying we're both princesses? And we want to get married to end a war?” Sara asks, deadpanning.

“No,” Ava shakes her head. “We want to get married because we're in love. But yes, once our bond is made official, according to the rules of our kingdom, my will shall overrule my father's. Oliver and I are already on agreement, he will abdicate in your favor, I will order Merlyn to stand down immediately and have Darhk retreat as soon as possible from the neutral East lands. Peace will finally be.”

“But you have to be wed, first,” Oliver reminds them. “And we're trapped, in a cave, with Merlyn's men all around us. He bested us.”

“On the contrary. I think his own plan will end up being his downfall,” Ray says in a cheery voice that Sara has learned to love.

“What do you mean?” Ava frowns.

“Well, he thought he could use me as bait and lured me here. He did not take into account that when I still lived in the South Kingdom, I used to be enrolled in the High Church. The tunic might come off, but the powers do not. I can still wed you.”

Oliver turns to him suddenly, then to Sara.

She knows what he's about to ask, what he wants to say, but he must see something in her eyes akin to panic, because he does not dare to say a word. Ava stands up, offers Sara her hand, then turns back to the others.

“Then the plan is simple. Raymond, you'll come with us to the hollow tree Sara has told us about. As soon as my Sara is back, you marry us. We are out of the two Kingdom's land, you're a High Church priest from the South and a Knight in the North, you can marry us here on neutral ground and it will be lawful in every land, so as soon as the marriage is done Merlyn will answer to me.”

“We shall stall them for as long as we can if they find your trail,” Nate nods.

Ava gestures for them to gather around the entrance of the cave, then turns to them and looks at each of them fondly.

“Do not die. Today will not be a day of grief. I can marry Sara in the middle of a clearing, in a far away land while my own father plots against me. But I will not bury a friend on the happiest day of my life. So fight, but know there is no loss in surrendering today. I will have you freed as soon as we come back.”

Speeches like this one, Sara thinks, is why Ava would be an amazing queen. She almost wishes she could be there to see it, for a moment. It is, indeed, a very good look on her.

  
  


Ava and Ray are quick on their feet and as silent and skilled as two people who trained to protect a kingdom should be. Sara is an assassin, so she has no problem following their quick, quiet movements.

They get to the clearing quickly, even without Ray's cart.

There are no soldiers to be seen and they walk to the hollow tree quickly, before someone or something can stop Sara from touching it. Right before she reaches the tree, a hand on her elbow stops her.

“Give us just one moment, please,” Ava asks Ray gently.

He nods, and takes a few steps back.

“The look I saw in your eyes, when Oliver suggested this plan-” she glances at Ray to make sure he isn't listening. “I saw fear in your eyes.”

“It's not what you think.”

“You did not want me to marry the wrong you, and you did not want to marry me because your heart belongs to another me.”

Sara lets out the breath she was holding. “Okay, maybe it _is_ what you think.”

“It is a precious gift you've given me, not only the knowledge you and I have found each other more than once, but the reassurance that, even in another reality, you always carry your love for me in your heart and have only my name on your lips.”

Sara nods, a knot in her throat holds captive the words she wants to say but can't. Ava is the love of her life. She just wants to go back home and tell her that. She hopes she can, soon.

“Do not be afraid, my love. We have found each other before,” Ava's voice is soft and light, like feathers, like flying, “we shall find each other again.”

Sara smiles, nods, then kisses Ava's cheek before turning around and taking the two steps separating her from the hollow tree.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you thought and if you're enjoying this story. I've been busy lately with graduation and such, but from now on I hope I'll have time to update regularly each week!


	4. dark night of the soul (fevered with love's anxiety)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Slightly shorter chapter but I wanted to post something because it's been longer than I wanted to

When Sara comes to her senses it is immediately apparent to all of them that something is not right with her. Ava has opened a portal to them the instant Ray called once he had taken Sara back to the Waverider using his exosuit. She's been sitting in the med bay holding Sara's hand for barely a few moments when Gideon announces she's waking up.

Ray is still in his suit and Nate is in civilian clothes, as are Zari and Charlie. John, thankfully, is nowhere to be seen.

Sara mumbles something unintelligible and presses her free hand against her forehead, immediately trying to sit up.

“What the hell happened?”

“Easy, babe, you hit your head pretty hard I'm told, but Gideon took care of it,” Ava says softly and helps her up into a sitting position.

It only takes a moment for Sara to realize who's helping her and when she does, she immediately pulls her hand away harshly.

“What the f- were you holding my fucking hand like a weirdo while I was out? Micheal's gonna have you fired for that if he finds out, demotion or not.”

Ava's face falls immediately.

“Sara?”

“Who the bloody hell is Micheal?” Charlie asks. “You people have too many mates, I can't keep track.”

“Sara, you okay? You hit your head but, not this hard,” Zari takes a step closer to Gideon's monitor and presses a few buttons.

“First of all, this is your second strike, Tomaz. It's Captain Lance and you need to address me as ma'am, like I've said a million times. And what the fuck are you wearing, Palmer? Is well past Halloween,” she snorts, then turn to Ava. “And how did you even fly here so quickly, you took a damn turbojet or some secret government shit?”

“I believe Captain Lance has been in contact with what Doctor Heywood has discovered is an ancient Crystal used in mystical rituals,” Gideon supplies.

“Where the fuck is that voice coming from?!”

“And I believe our Captain Lance has been currently dispatched to another universe; as believed by local legends, the Crystal appears to be a door through the multiverse, allowing whomever touches it to travel through different realities.”

This is the exact moment Nate steps into the room, book still in hand and a grimace on his face, hinting there is no good news ahead.

“Wait, go back a second. Nate, can you explain what you found in a simpler way, please?” Zari asks, frowning.

“Okay, I found this after we came back, so don't get mad at me for letting her touch it because I didn't know-”

“I didn't! I didn't touch the damn artifact, that's Federal Bureau Protocol 101!” Sara protests.

“Not you, our Sara touched it,” Ray explains.

“Yeah, and she got thrown into your universe, so you bounced here. You should be able to go back to your own body as soon as she touches the Crystal again, so you need to stay put and let her figure it out on her own, there is nothing we can do on our end,” Nate picks up the explanation. “Because if you do, then you might get thrown into yet another universe and once Sara got back here you'd be somewhere else entirely. So it wouldn't change things for us, really, but you'd be in quite the mess. Hence, stay put.”

Sara sighs, shakes her head and doesn't quite believe them. They have to explain it a few more times and go into some more details, unknowingly reaching the same conclusions as their counterparts who worked with their own Sara in another universe.

“Let me just call Micheal, then. He gets whiny for days if I don't keep him in the loop,” she seems like she's about to roll her eyes, but refrains from it at the last moment.

“Micheal?” Zari asks, raising an eyebrow.

“Yeah. Micheal. Hunter? My boyfriend.”

“Oh, ew!” Nate covers his eyes, like he's trying to unsee something that isn't even in front of him in the first place.

“No, no. No. No, no, no, nope,” is all Zari has to say about it.

“Who the hell is Micheal Hunter?” Charlie grimaces. “I thought you and Ava had been together for, what, a decade or something?”

“Ava? Wh- Agent Sharpe?!” Sara almost laughs. “We hate each other's guts. Not even, we're more like each other's pain in the ass.”

Sara turns to her, but Ava can't look away fast enough. She knows that look in Ava's eyes, and recognizes it for what it is. She sees someone facing their worst fear, someone paralyzed by the thought of being forgotten just like that.

She expects sorrow, maybe, but that is not what she gets.

“Hunter passed away. He sacrificed himself to save us from a time demon,” Ava informs her like she's telling her about the weather. “He died a hero. Lived a coward, but you know,” she shrugs and bites the inside of her cheek, “nobody's perfect.”

“He's dead?” Sara frowns, looks down for a moment, then back up. Her eyes are just as empty as a moment before, even though her expression seems to be one of grief. “Wait. Did you just say _time demon_?”

They explain about time travel, it goes as poorly as expected. They also explain about how most of Sara's stuff is at Ava's place, but Gideon can fabricate some clothes if she wants to change. Sara declines and lies back down. She's not allowed out of the med bay. They tell her it's because of her own good and, partially, it is. But it is also because she's a stranger and it wouldn't do them any good to have her walk around the ship.

This Sara is abrasive, bossy, closed off, angry. They draw straws to decide who's going to have to bring her dinner and Ava just scoffs at them and volunteers, since she seems to be yet again the only adult on board of the ship.

When she enters, Sara is asleep. She sits down and waits patiently, tray on her lap.

She wonders if Sara is telling the truth. If they really do hate each other in that other reality. She doesn't struggle to believe it, after she saw Sara's first reaction to her holding her hand. It's still painful to process. Sara's the love of her life. It's heartbreaking to think there's a world where they hate each other.

She tries to imagine which extenuating circumstances might have enforced this wedge between them, in such a deep and forceful way that Sara's first reaction upon seeing compassion in her eyes was to reject it so completely. To reject _her_ so completely.

Ava also wonders how did Sara come to fall in love with Rip Hunter, of all people, a man who manipulated her from the start and, years after, did the same to Ava with no signs of regrets or self improvement. Ava had cared for him deeply, once, but even then, she had always seen the flaws in his ways. So why didn't Sara? How could she love him after what he had done to her, to both of them? It is hard to imagine, but she tries. She tries to make her peace with the existence of a reality where Rip is a good, honest, brave, truthful man and Sara chose him, chose to be with him, over her. A reality where they don't care about each other, where they are less than acquaintances, where they are hostile towards one another.

It is a hard world to picture.

But, if there are infinite universes, Ava knows that there had to be some where they don't love each other, don't even like each other, or perhaps never knew each other.

It makes her feel, ironically, both incredibly sad and terribly lucky. Lucky to be the one who loves Sara and is loved back, but sad, because there are versions of them that would never know that kind of joy.

“Is that food for me?”

Ava almost startles. She nods curtly, passes the tray to Sara as she sits up straighter.

“Whatever it is you came here to ask me, just go ahead and do it.”

Ava tries to swallow the lump in her throat. She shouldn't, she knows she shouldn't, but she needs to ask nonetheless.

“Are you happy, back where you're from?”

Sara slows down, then shrugs and starts eating again.

“That's a weird concept for me. Something happened to me, you wouldn't believe me if I told you what exactly, but let's just say I wasn't myself for a while.”

Ava nods, humming her understanding.

“Are we talking Lian Yu or the Lazarus Pit or...?”

Sara seems surprised, but if it is about Ava knowing this information or about the same thing happening to their Sara, Ava doesn't know. She wipes away the look quickly, her eyes going back to the food in front of her.

“Latter. The bloodlust specifically. I never quite got back the ability to feel things like before, I guess. Micheal doesn't resent me the fact that I can't love him back.”

“You went through that here, too. The bloodlust, not Micheal. Kendra helped with the easy murder mode you were on, Snart helped too. Laurel's death set you back for a while. And when Stein died, it was hard on you, we were just starting to get closer and you told me you were afraid his death was going to set you back. But instead of retreating you took a few chances and discovered that you could. You _can_. Feel things like you used to before. Ray, Mick, Zari, Nate, they're all a testament to that.”

Sara frowns, but stays silent for a long moment, lost in her own thought process. She chews her food slower now, still lost in her head.

“How did we start to get close?”

“A mission. You needed my help, I came to you disobeying orders.”

“Ava Sharpe, disobeying orders? Now that doesn't sound true at all,” Sara cracks a smile. “Was it worth it?”

“Yeah,” Ava doesn't hesitate. “I saved you. So yeah, I'd give up my job as director in a heartbeat if it meant-”

“Director?”

“Yes.”

“What happened to Bennet?”

“Died. Hunter deserted. I was highest in rank.”

Sara nods, then starts eating again.

She seems to think about something because she makes that little pout with her lips that she does when a thought comes to her suddenly or when she figures something out, and Ava can't help but smile lovingly, because her Sara's still in there, somewhere.

Sara finishes her food, then sighs.

“Don't look at me like that.”

“Like what?”

Ava already knows the answer. How could she not? There is only one way she's been looking at Sara for a while now.

“Like you're in love with me.”

She takes a deep breath, her shoulders going up a little, in a half shrug.

“I don't know how else to look at you, because I am. I'll always be. I probably am in your reality, too. I can't imagine a me that doesn't fall in love with you eventually.”

There's a moment of silence and Ava hears the monitor pick up as Sara's heart rate does as well, and she feels like intruding just for hearing that, so with the excuse of picking up the empty tray, she gets up and walks to the door.

“You can be happy again, Sara. But you have to allow yourself to be. She would have wanted you to.”

_Laurel_. It's unsaid but it lingers like an echo. They both know why Sara is so closed off and unwilling to let herself get better, there is no need to say it out loud. Why should she be happy when Laurel can't? Death seems to be following her everywhere. But Ava's words resonate deep inside her chest, echoing in the hollow of her heart: it is what Laurel would have wanted for her.

Without waiting for an answer that isn't coming, she walks out of the med bay and tries not to look back.

  
  


Ava is woken up sharply by the screaming and swearing.

By the time she's dressed and makes it to the med bay, Sara looks a little calmer, but she's circling the room like she's ready to jump to Nate's throat as soon as she's given the chance. Ava realizes, not all the screams were coming from Sara.

The moment she sees Ava, she throws herself into her arms and clings to her. For a short, blissful moment, Ava believes she got her Sara back. But then, Sara pulls away sharply.

“Have I died? Has the commodore killed me in that forest, and are these my last moments on this Earth, delirious and hallucinating?”

“The commodore?” Ava frowns.

Nope, not her Sara, definitely not.

“The commodore!” Sara gestures to Nate. “And, pardon me the bluntness, my love, but I do believe in these clothes he will know your secret,” she whispers.

“My secret?”

Ava has never felt this confused in her life. Nate and Ray seem even more confused and put on edge by Sara trying to fight them as soon as she woke up.

“Sara, like we said, you're in another reality, the Crystal-”

“The Cursed Talisman, I believe it is called where this Captain Lance is from.”

Sara recoils and stares at the ceiling, covering her head with her arms like something is about to fall from it every second now.

“What was that? And where did the voice come from, the Heavens? I truly am dead, aren't I?”

“No, Sara, you're in another reality. You were swapped with our Sara and pulled from your universe, and ended into ours,” Ray tries to explain again, trying to make it as simple as possible.

“Is it true, my love?” Sara asks to Ava.

“Yes,” she nods. “And Nate- the commodore, he won't hurt you. He's on your side. And so are the rest of the people on this ship.”

“Ava's right, we're all friends here,” Ray smiles happily.

“Should he know your true name? Are you not the Admiral of this ship?” Sara frowns, her voice still whispered to Ava, but the rest of them can still hear her quite fine.

“I'm- oh I have no idea how to explain what a director is, but technically I'm the boss of the captain, so. Yes, sure, I'm their admiral,” she shrugs helplessly and looks to Ray and Nate, who both nod thoughtfully.

“As a woman?! Truly remarkable. In my world you took the identity of Alan Sharpe to be in the Royal Navy. Commodore Heywood is your second in command. But one day, Sharpe, you'll become a pirate like you promised me long ago, and we'll travel the seven seas under the flag of the dreaded Waverider and its two captains.”

Ava frowns, still not really understanding what Sara is trying to get at.

“Sure. Yeah, we'll- we can do that. Someday. For now, if you could just lie back for a moment, these instruments will check you for injuries.”

“As you wish, my love. And might I say, these garments quite suit you,” she smiles secretly, like she's just told Ava something very forward.

Ava nods and smiles until Sara's laying down, then turns up the sedative until the Captain is dozing off.

“Yeah, we're keeping this one asleep. Sara's a handful without also being a wanted pirate, so we're just gonna- we'll check on her in a few hours, yes?”

Nate and Ray both nod profusely.

Ava sighs. She hopes Sara finds her way back home really soon.

  
  


When Sara starts to wake again, Ava is right there by her side. She's holding her hand, hoping the reaction won't be similar to the first one. Ray is sitting in the spare chair, Nate is pacing the room slowly.

“Oliver?” Sara chokes out.

Ava is so done with this whole thing.

“Sara, can you hear me?” she asks gently, trying to use a soothing voice, despite feeling jealousy already burning in the pit of her stomach.

“Ava,” Sara's eyes open slowly. “I knew I would find you again, eventually. They told me you vanished but I knew it could not be true.”

She looks and sounds a little doozy and Ava likes this better than the shouting versions.

“Princess Sara seems to have a mild concussion, she hit her head pretty hard on the fall she sustained in her realm. She should be back to full capacity in a few minutes.”

“I'm sorry,” Ava looks up like Gideon is actually standing in front of the med bay screen. “I'm sorry, did you say Princess Sara?”

“According to her memories, yes.”

“Not for long,” Sara murmurs sleepily. “I shall be queen as soon as we are wed, my love. We can be together and no one can ever come between us ever again, not even our kings.”

“She's really out of it, isn't she?” Nate asks rhetorically.

“Gideon, can you give her a mild sedative again? And please do something to make sure there are no bad consequences to her concussion. If she hasn't jumped again by the time you've healed her, we'll wake her again and ask a few questions to make sure Sara isn't in danger.”

“Of course, Director Sharpe.”

Ava sighs. She is starting to get really tired of watching Sara sleep, unable to do anything else to help.

  
  


//

  
  


The impact is bad, but not awful. She blinks up at the sky and listens to the voices around her for a moment, waiting for the dizziness to fade.

“Oh my God, did you see that? What was that?”

Nate's voice. So he's there, then.

“Looked like an energy blast knocked her out before she could reach the tree,” another voice comes through.

Sara wants to thank every deity she knows as soon as she hears that voice. But, at the same time, it is clear that, if they saw her _not_ touch the Crystal, then she isn't back home quite yet.

“Hey! Hey, are you alright?”

She brings a hand to her head and groans. When she tries to sit up slowly, the woman is suddenly kneeling beside her, trying to help her.

“Don't move, you could be concussed, lay back down.”

“Jeez, Aves, I'm fine,” Sara tries to protest.

The shift in demeanor is immediate. The woman recoils immediately and lets go of her as if her skin burned her.

“What did you just call me?”

“Ava?” Sara frowns. “Wait, we weren't here together? Wait,” she looks down and takes a proper look at Ava's attire, worn out jeans and a dusty shirt. “Okay, so, this is going to sound unbelievable, but-”

“You touched Isabela's Artifact?”

“Oh God, does it have a different name in every reality?” Sara sighs.

“But we saw you approach, you were blasted away by a force field, you never came close to it,” the man is now close enough to hear them speak.

“Yes, Nate, that is what you saw happen to _this_ Sara, but I'm not from here,” she tries to explain immediately. “Wait, you believe me?”

“Well, you were standing close to it and an energy field pushed you away, something definitely happened. Plus, you know our names, but we've never met before,” Ava gauges.

“Then what the fuck am I doing here?”

“Well,” Ava points to her clothes. “I think you were on a cruise that stopped in Isabela and decided to come here for a hike? That shirt is from a cruise company.”

“Oh, _Lord_ , am I a cruise animator? Ugh, this reality already sucks, I have the shittiest job in the world and you and I haven't met yet, yikes,” she sums up while getting back on her feet and dusting off her pants angrily.

“I take it we're supposed to?” Ava raises an eyebrow.

“Well, I haven't been to a reality where we weren't in each other's lives somehow, yet, but I guess if there are infinite universes there is bound to be a place where I don't know you,” she pauses at the thought and frowns deeply.

A world without Ava, where she doesn't know a love like theirs can exists.

“You know what,” she shakes her head, “no offense but I don't want to think about this. I need to go back home, because honestly, you haven't seen me in at the very least than three days and your stress levels are probably about to give you an aneurism, so I just gotta touch the thing-y again and this Sara will be back. Easy peasy.”

“So I take it we're close?”

Sara just smirks at her and throws her a wink. She starts to make her way to the tree only to stop and turn back towards them.

“Wait, what are you two doing here?”

“We're archeologist. We wanted to study the Isabela's Artifact, see if the legends were true,” Nate explains with a shrug. “It's kind of what we do best.”

Sara nods and sighs. Of course, the one reality where Ava is Indiana Jones, Sara doesn't get to be her girlfriend. This multiverse is starting to sound more and more unfair to her.

“Well, make sure that nobody else ever touches that thing, because I've been bouncing through universes for days at this point, and I don't think I'm getting closer to my own reality if I'm being honest.”

“Okay, wait a second. Just imagine the Artifact is like an inter-dimensional gun, right?” Nate gestures to her like she's supposed to follow his bizarre reasoning. “But the gun is learning, adjusting itself with every missed shot. Eventually, it'll get you back home.”

“...but?” Sara prompts when he doesn't say anything else.

Nate grimaces and looks to Ava. She takes a slow breath, then sighs.

“But, if it's true the multiverses are infinite, it might take a while to get the aim perfectly right. There is no telling how many tries it'll take for you to be back in your exact reality, but it should get closer, maybe not in ways you'll notice or not necessarily for what concerns your own life, but you'll be thrown up in worlds resembling more and more your own. At least, this is how the legends say it works,” Ava explains.

“Okay,” Sara nods. “Great. So this far I've met FBI us, pirates us, princesses us and now archeologist you and... whatever I'm doing with my life in this awful polo shirt.”

Ava smiles at that, eyes shining with curiosity.

“Hey, can you do me a favor? Bring me with you, yeah? Don't let me go back to that horrible life, I promise I can be useful. Well, I really can't say I know anything about this me, but give her a chance, please?”

Ava and Nate look at each other, then nod.

“But fair warning, you're wearing jeans, so it's more likely you were vacationing on the cruise and your shirt got ruined and you borrowed this from someone who had a spare on the shore?” Nate offers, shrugging.

“Ugh, I willingly went on a boat trip, that's even worse.”

“We'll try to poach her, don't worry,” Ava reassures her, mildly amused. “And just let me ask, from the bottom of an archeologist's heart, never, ever fricking touch an artifact you know nothing about, _ever_ again.”

“Trust me. I won't.”

“Thank you.”

Sara shakes her head, but smiles, because of course that's what Ava is concerned about: preserving the artifact despite the fact that it's been messing with her for days.

She takes a breath and braces for the impact she knows will come, then reaches forward.

  
  


 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you feel so inclined let me know what you thought! :)


	5. the photograph that's on your shelf (is of a younger, dumber version of myself)

She hates the noise her alarm clock makes, she has hated it since she was six and started school and that devilish device was placed beside her bed, making that same obnoxious noise every morning of her life.

She grumbles and reaches over to shut it down, then rolls over to press her face into her pillow for a moment, a blissful moment, where she's trapped between a dream and consciousness. Then, it fades. And she remembers.

Her eyes shoot open and she sits up, dreading what she is going to see once she gets up, because if what she is thinking turns out to be true, this is going to be much worse than being a pirate, a princess on the run or even a version of herself still trapped in her post-bloodlust self hate.

She walks over to her mirror slowly, dread in the pit of her stomach since she recognized the room she woke up in as her childhood bedroom.

Looking at her reflection, she gasps. Her fears were correct.

“Oh, no. I'm a teenager.”

Okay. First things first, she needs to get dressed and don't make her parents angry, because she is going to have to explain to them, once they're home from work, that she is from another reality and needs a one way ticket to Puerto Rico. Well, a two way ticket, really. And they will surely believe her and let her go, because she never lied as a teenager... yeah, she's screwed.

Sighing, she dressed quickly and grabs her backpack from the desk chair, glad, for once, that Laurel passed onto her the quirk of making it the night before.

The new plan was getting to school and find someone who would believe her, someone she wouldn't lie to. From the look of her bangs she was either sixteen or just turned seventeen, so the people closest to her were probably neither Laurel nor Oliver. Thea was too young to help and she was never that close to Tommy. Who was she even friends with at sixteen?

She descends the stairs quickly, finding her father in the kitchen putting cereals on the table for them to eat. She hugs him on instinct so tightly that for a moment she wonders if she hurt him, happy to see him – well, a version of him at least – again after he passed in her own reality. After he hugs her back for a moment, Sara steps back to avoid making him suspicious and pours some cereal into her bowl and starts eating quickly, when she notices him staring at her.

“What?”

“You're up early. And not in zombie mode. And not complaining about school. Are you feeling alright honey?”

“Yeah dad, I'm okay. Just a headache.”

It's technically not a lie. She's having the same flashes of white behind her eyelids due to the inter-dimensional jump and her head has definitely had better days.

“Hey dad,” she asks after she is finished with the cereals, “who would you say is my closest friend?”

Quentin frowns a little at the question and stares at her for a long moment, trying to figure if she's serious or if she's messing with him. Then he shrugs.

“Well, it depends. If you need help with homework is Ray, if you need to do something you shouldn't be doing probably Zari, if you need life advice I'd say Amaya.”

“Oh, hell yes!”

Right. For a moment she almost forgot that she isn't in the past, but in a different reality.

  
  


“I mean... great,” she smiles at him, trying to dampen Quentin's suspicious look. “I'll go, don't wanna be late.”

“Since when?” He looks more and more confused with each sentence she utters.

Sara just shrugs and opts to get out the door before he can question her again, but then remembers she has no clue how she usually gets to school. Luckily, she doesn't have to guess because Laurel walks out right after her.

“Oh, wow, you're not half an hour late. Want a ride since you're ready? I'm headed that way on my way to Oliver's.”

Sara turns around and sees her, standing there, smiling like her jab at Sara is such a clever one, and for a moment she feels like she can't breathe. Not a day goes by she doesn't miss her sister, Sara always thought she'd be the one to go first, she was never prepared to miss her like she does and her first reaction is to hug Laurel, like she did with her dad, knowing perfectly it's not the same Laurel but also knowing it might be the only chance she has to hold her close to her one more time. Laurel seems utterly confused, but lightly hugs back. Sara lets go after a moment and tries to not seem as emotional as she feels.

“Well,” Sara draws a breath. On one hand, she knows that riding with Laurel might give her sister the chance to ask a million questions she doesn't know how to answer, but on the other hand she has no idea if her school is the same as her own reality and how she gets there, so she really has no choice here. “Sure.”

She gets in the car and resolves to stay as quiet as possible until she can get out of it, but Laurel keeps glancing in her direction.

“You okay?”

Sara shrugs. Yeah, she wasn't really a quiet teen, was she?

“So, what classes do you have?”

Sara shrugs again, because she has no idea. She really needs to find one of her friends before things get worse than this.

“Okay, is this about Oliver again? I told you I didn't know you liked him and I'm not going to leave him now that we're together.”

Sara grimaces at that. Why was this their curse in every reality? Of all people.

“No, I'm over that. It's just-”

She remembers where they are now. How Laurel knew she liked him, how she just took him because she could and ended up falling in love with him as a collateral damage. Why would Laurel, this Laurel, ever believe her?

“Forget it, I'm just tired.”

“Yeah, maybe if you didn't sneak out to see that boy you have you wouldn't be tired,” Laurel glances at her with a raised eyebrow.

“That boy?” Sara frowns.

“Oh, don't even. I know you're not sneaking out to play chess with Ray so just spare me, Sara. Just be careful, don't do anything stupid you'll end up regretting.”

“Do mom and dad-”

“They don't know. They'd kill you. And him. And then ground you, then kill me for not telling them you were sneaking out.”

“Do you know who he is?” Sara asks, a little anxious. Will she have to kiss him, hold his hand? No, she really can't do that, she just can't. But what excuse is she going to use if they're together at school?

“No, but I'm all ears if you wanna tell me.”

Sara honestly _would_ , if she fucking knew.

“All I know is he's not from school, because you sneak out to see him at night. Unless he's got- oh, Sara, you're not this boy's second pick are you?”

Sara feels dread, cold and utter dread creep up her spine.

_Oliver_.

No, it can't be. It's so soon and he's probably almost twenty now, she's underage and stupid and so desperate to be loved. It's not fair, it isn't.

“I'll tell you when I'm ready,” she forces the words out, but doesn't believe them. Thankfully, she's better at lying than a sixteen year old should be, so Laurel sighs, but nods.

  
  


The school is pretty much like Sara remembers it to be. She walks in and immediately realizes, she has no clue where her locker is or which class she has first period. She's on the verge of punching something, when she sees her.

The cutest, nerdiest, most heart-warming version of Ava Sharpe she has ever laid eyes on.

Why the hell didn't her father just lead with her?

She walks over and lets out a long breath on the way. She can always breathe better when Ava's around, it's really becoming evident.

“Aves, I'm having the weirdest-”

Ava turns slightly towards her, frowning, as soon as she sees her approaching out of the corner of her eye. It's enough to give Sara pause.

“What are you doing?”

Sara freezes. “Uhm, it's called talking? You see when you open your mouth and push air out of it you can make these sounds-”

“Lance,” Ava interrupts her again, looking at her like she's lost her mind, then looking quickly around them to see if somebody is close enough to hear them.

That's when it hits her. Her heart sinks a little, but really, she should have seen this coming, shouldn't she?

“We don't talk to each other, do we?”

Ava gapes at her when she asks that.

She doesn't know why it makes her so incredibly sad. There are no time demons, here, no pirates and no kings who want to keep them apart, there is no bloodlust, no death. They're two teenagers in the same school. And still, everything's still too complicated.

“Sara, did you hit your head?”

Ava looks concerned now, but she's still clutching her books and refusing to step closer. Sara suddenly feels incredibly tired and desperate at the same time, because there is no way out of this. She can't fly to Puerto Rico at sixteen, she can't fix this. But since she can't be here two years she has to do something, she was just hoping she would have some help. Looks like this isn't her lucky day. Or week, really.

“Yeah. I mean, no. Sorry, I-” she shakes her head and steps back. “Sorry,” she says again, before walking out of there as fast as her feet will carry her.

  
  


There's a spot on the opposite side of the main entrance, under a fire escape, where nobody ever goes. Some older guys used to smoke there but since they got caught by one of the teachers seeing the smoke out of the first floor window they don't go there anymore – at least this is what happened in her own reality, but still, the spot is empty and she needs to be alone for a moment. She never told a soul about this, about how she sits below the stairs and can just shut the rest of the world out for a few moments.

So it almost makes her startle when someone leans on the wall next to her and then slowly slides to the floor.

“What has gotten into you?” Ava asks softly. She sighs, but her voice is sweeter than it was in the hallway, calmer.

Sara swallows the knot in her throat and tries to push back her fears. She really doesn't like being a teenager again, there are so many emotions involved.

“I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable or-”

“Hey, stop, you know that's not it,” Ava says, voice still soft, and then her hand reaches for Sara's. She intertwines their fingers and squeezes in a comforting gesture. “You were the one who didn't want to be seen talking to me at school, remember? I'm just trying to honor your wishes, until I'm sure you're ready, and especially if you seem completely not yourself. Like ten minutes ago, for example.”

“I didn't want to talk to you at school? Well, that's shitty. Why?”

Ava is looking at her with concern in her eyes, like she's trying to determine if Sara is messing with her or if she has some kind of amnesia.

“Because I'm out. And you're not. And if people see us talking rumors are gonna start going around and you don't want people to know before you're ready, your words exactly and I agree that you should wait until you were totally, completely sure. You _did_ hit your head, didn't you?” Ava squints her eyes and looks at her carefully.

“If I told you, you wouldn't believe me,” Sara laughs bitterly and shakes her head.

After a moment, her brain catches up with Ava's words. And it clicks.

“Wait. We're together? Is it you I'm sneaking out to see at night? Oh, thank God, I was so worried it would be- but it's you, of course it's you.”

“Sara, you're scaring me a little,” Ava leans in and checks Sara's pulse, her breathing, then her pupils. “What is going on with you?”

Sara opens her mouth to say the same thing again: that it's too weird to be plausible and that someone as rational as Ava wouldn't believe this. But Ava doesn't let her.

“I'll believe you, Sara. Whatever you say, I'll believe it, okay? It's you and me every step of the way, that's what we promised. Right?”

Ava raises her pinky at her and Sara feels her heart genuinely melt. She smiles softly and takes the pinky with her own, because what else can she do but that.

“There is really no way to say this that doesn't make me sound like a lunatic, but,” she sighs. “Okay basically there's this ancient artifact in Puerto Rico, that is actually an inter-dimensional portal or something like that. Anyway, I touched it and it threw me out in another reality that was supposed to be as close as possible to mine. Spoiler alert, its aim fucking sucks. I was in the FBI, then I was a pirate, then I was a princess. And I thought, oh, it can't get worse than princess whose betrothed's father wants to kill, but next thing I know I'm a _teenager_ again. Ugh.”

“Wait. So you're not- you?”

“No. I'm past thirty and I'm the Captain of a time ship.”

Ava laughs at that. “Okay, I almost fell for that up until the time ship thing, that's just too far,” she shakes her head, but then sees Sara's dead serious expression and her desperate eyes. “Oh, you're serious.”

“It's called the Waverider,” she says absentmindedly. “How am I gonna get back home? I'm supposed to keep trying, to touch the damn portal until I'm back in my own body, but how the hell am I going to get to Puerto Rico, I'm sixteen!”

“You're seventeen, baby.”

“See? I don't even know what age I am and I'm so far away from it! At least the other times I was still near Isabela, and the one time I can't travel, of course I'm back in the USA,” she scoffs at her own unlucky fate, then dares a glance at Ava.

“We'll figure out a way. Hey, if the worst comes to be, there's always Mr Heywood's private jet we can try to steal,” Ava smiles, trying to cheer her up, bumping her shoulder to Sara's.

“We're friends with Nate? I thought he was homeschooled.”

“You know Nate?” Ava frowns. “I mean, I'm friends with him because our parents are casual friends, and I guess we get along well, but I didn't know you knew him.”

“Well, I know him where I'm from. Like I know Ray, Zari, Amaya. You.”

Ava is looking at her with a spark of curiosity in her eyes and Sara knows what the next question is going to be before she has to ask.

“Are we-”

“Yeah. For a while, now. We're gonna move in together soon.”

“That's good to know. I sometimes wonder if you- if I'm just a phase for you.”

Sara frowns. “Ava, bisexuality-”

“No, not like that, of _course_ not like that. I mean like, you're cool and gorgeous and you could have everyone you wanted. Sometimes I wonder if I'm just someone you'll get over once you'll be in college and have more choices for girls to date.”

“First of all, you're so smart it's ridiculous, you're funny and nerdy and, where I'm from, I didn't realize I was into girls until a while later in life, so if you shook me so much I just looked at you and started questioning my sexuality, that should say something about how much I like you. I can't speak for your Sara, of course, but I'm sure that if you talk to her about how you're feeling she'll say some version of the same thing.”

Ava keeps looking at her like her heart is melting and she smiles so sweetly and cutely, Sara can't help but smile back.

“Okay then, Sara Lance,” Ava gets up and tugs Sara along by the hands that are still intertwined before letting go. “Let's get you home.”

Sara sighs, happy she can at least count on Ava to help her make a plan.

“But first, school.”

“What?” Sara goes pale.

“Yeah, we're going to be late if you don't hurry up. Your first class is Bio, do you know how to get there?”

Sara grimaces. “If I say no can I stay here?”

Ava rolls her eyes. “Go to class and take notes, I can't believe I'm having the same discussion with thirty years old you and seventeen years old you.”

“Ugh. Fine. What do I have after Bio?”

Ava starts listing as they walk and Sara tries not to think too much about how she's apparently doing good in a lot of her classes and might even be in a lot of AP classes the following year, no doubt thanks to Ava encouraging her. She wonders, not for the first time, were would she be in life if she met Ava when they were kids, or rather where will this version of herself end up since she has Ava by her side.

She decides not to dwell on it too much, and settles for hoping that these two kids will be lucky and will never know heartbreak or loss, that they'll make it through together, every step of the way, like they promised each other so many times.

  
  


She sticks by Zari's side the whole day and, despite pointing out a few times how forgetful Sara is or how weird she is acting, Zari seems to be buying her act. At least, up until the end of the school day.

They have just put all their stuff into their lockers – thank God Zari knows her combination as well, because Sara has no idea what it used to be, honestly – when Sara sighs and says she is going to go back home to do some homework. Zari scoffs a little at that.

“Aren't you meeting with-” she glances around. “You know?”

Sara frowns. “What?”

She feels the panic rise. If she says something about Ava and Zari doesn't know, she'll end up outing the younger version of herself. On the other hand, if Zari doesn't know about Ava, since according to Ava nobody knows, than that means Zari is talking about someone else, a boy. But that would mean, she's seeing someone behind Ava's back.

“I thought we were past this. I mean you gave me that whole big speech, what, two days ago, and now you wanna lie to my face again?”

“Zari, I really don't know what you're talkin-”

“Hey, did you tell her already?” Ava joins them and whispers hurriedly and it's just then Sara notice they're the only ones still left in the hallway.

“Sharpe, how's it going. She told me, like, two days ago, I think congrats are in order,” Zari smiles at her and then offers her fist to bump.

Ava does, but then shrugs the momentary distraction off.

“No, I know she told you about that, I meant the fact that Sara Freaky-Friday'ed herself into another dimension.”

“She _what_?”

“Thank _God_ ,” Sara sighs. “You people are giving me heart attacks left and right. First Laurel saying I was seeing a boy, then Ava not talking to me in the hallway, then Zari acting like I was sneaking around with someone else. How comes this is the most complicated reality I've been in? I was a _pirate_ for two days and I almost got planked and it was still _easier_.”

“What the _heck_.”

They all turn and, sure enough, Ray and Amaya are staring at them with disbelief written all over their faces.

“Well,” Ava says, trying to stay positive, “at least we'll have some help.”

  
  


Sara explains to them the same thing she told Ava and just has to hope they believe her. When they don't seem really convinced she mentions personal staff she knows about them and hopes that it is true in this universe as well, like the twin brother Ray never, ever mentions, the stuffed animal Zari sleeps with because Behrad made it for her, the way Amaya sometimes gets overwhelmed by the simplest things and has to meditate to calm her anxiety.

It's things seventeen year olds don't share with their friends, and Sara respects that, but right now she needs them to believe her.

On take two, she tries harder, goes into more detail, answers all their questions, until eventually they seem at least convinced enough to humor her.

They come up with a plan, simple but effective: Zari, hacker extraordinaire, will make them some fake ID's. To minimize the risk of getting caught, Sara and Ava will go alone, as soon as possible since, thankfully, it's Friday – Ava has made three other jokes about the movie already and Zari keeps laughing at them way too much since the situation they're in is pretty serious – and they'll be back on Sunday as not to miss school. If, or rather when, they get caught, their excuse is simple: they didn't think their parents would accept their relationship so they fled. It's believable, admittedly not the best excuse, and it will out Sara to at least her family, but it's a chance they have to take if they hope to get through with this.

By some miracle, they make it past the security check and into the plane without a problem, they make it as far as Isabela, before Ava's parents call, demanding an explanation for the money missing from her emergencies-only credit card.

Her father calls just moments after, asking why she's not at Zari's like she told him she was. Sara says she's sorry, that Ava's with her but it's all her fault. She says she'll be on the first fly back, then of course, doesn't follow through. They make it to the forest and the tree and she knows that, if Ava didn't believe her before, she's going to believe her once she touches the damn thing and there's a blast of energy and her Sara is back.

But before she goes, there's something she absolutely needs to say.

“Hey, Ava, listen,” they're a few feet from the crystal now, it's almost time. She slows down and stops right in front of it. “When I was seventeen... well, let's just say I screwed up a few times, majorly. And I wasn't good in school, I dropped out of college, my life was a mess for the longest time. But with you, well, I like this version of me better, she's decent in school and she's not making some of the dumbest mistakes of my life. You make me, and her, want to be so much better, so much braver. I'm sorry you have to wait for her, but don't give up on this, okay?”

“I'm not waiting for anything,” Ava says, and smiles. “I'm happy to give Sara time to come out, we're seventeen, we don't have to make out in the hallways to be together, we don't have to yell it from the rooftops to be in love. I have her, I don't care who knows and who doesn't, she'll come to terms with everything else on her own time, I'm always there for her, every step of the way, as long as she wants me to be.”

Sara smiles. This version of her? Yeah, she's gonna be alright, with all the right people by her side right away.

“I don't think you have to worry about her wanting you to be around for just a short time, to be honest. Look,” she takes her phone out. “I figured I couldn't use this because I don't have the password, but I realized when my dad called before, it's unlocked by my fingerprint. Look at the lock-screen.”

Ava frowns, but looks down. It's a selfie of them smiling.

“Oh.”

“First thing she looks at every morning and last thing she sees at night, if I had to guess. You kids, you're gonna be alright.”

“You're going to be alright too, Sara. Just hang in there, you'll get back to your life before you know it.”

Sara smiles, nods. She can't wait to have Ava back in her arms, honestly.

With a deep breath, she steps forward, and touch the portal.

  
  


//

  
  


Gideon warns them Sara is about to wake up any minute now, and Ava can't help but feel a little anxious at the thought of another version of Sara. This has been a little turbulent, but it's only been a day and a half, at least for them, so she'll have to just hang on and wait it out. As horrible as it makes her feel, she knows there's nothing she can do.

“Sara,” she calls once Ray nods to her that she should be waking up. “Sara, can you hear me?”

She grumbles, then mumbles something that closely resemble “five more minutes” and tries to turn over in the med bay chair. Ava stops her just before she falls over.

“Sara?”

She slowly opens her eyes and is obviously about to protest, when she realizes Ava is the person trying to wake her, looming over her. She sits up so suddenly Ava has to lean back and let go of her shoulders.

Sara squints her eyes, looking at her closely. “Ava?” She does the same with Ray. “You guys look old, have I been in a coma for fifteen years or something?”

“Hey, I don't look fifty,” Ray protests immediately.

“No, you look well past thirty and last time I checked you were seventeen. Like me. Like Ava, who-” she stops, looks over and does a double take. Ava is wearing her time bureau pantsuit, hair down and over one shoulder. “Wow. I- uhm. Yeah.”

Her cheeks tint red, then she looks around the room just to have somewhere else to look at that isn't the woman next to her.

“Where am I?”

“Sara, I need you to stay calm, okay? It's good that you recognize us, to be honest,” Ava starts slowly, then explains everything that happened with almost practiced ease at this point. Sara seems confused at first, then scared.

She holds her when Sara tears up and asks Ray to bring her some water from the fabricator and maybe a snack. Sara opens up to her a little about how things are back home, and Ava tries her best to sooth her, reassuring her that if her own Ava is anything like herself, she isn't going anywhere.

Sara holds her hand a lot, she almost never lets go, it seems to bring her comfort and calm her down at the same time. Ava can't really deny her that. She seems moody and restless, and everything else that almost makes her glad she never had to be a teenager.

“Hey, listen to me. Everything's going to be okay. I promise.”

Sara looks up at her with her clear blue eyes and Ava smiles despite feeling a little restless herself and consumed with worry for her own Sara.

“Pinky swear?”

Ava's heart melts on the spot when Sara offers up her pinky and silently asks for her to promise as much. Ava doesn't hesitate.

“Pinky swear.”

She just has to hope fate won't make a liar out of her.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you feel so inclined please leave a comment letting me know what you thought. This AU was suggested to me on tumblr, feel free to send me suggestions here or there and I'll see if they fit the story. Thank you for reading!


	6. let us never lose the lessons we have learned (no one else could warm my heart as much as you)

Sara wakes, not for the first time, to Ava looking down at her. If she wasn't so out of it, maybe she would've noticed the concerned look in her eyes, but as things are, the white flashes are still too strong behind her eyelids and the only thing she sees are those eyes she adores.

“Hi, baby.”

Sara definitely sees the confusion on her face now, but she's still so out of it that her first reaction is to smile and think how cute Ava is to be surprised Sara calls her baby after all the time they've been together.

“I think you might be concussed.”

There's a hand on her face and she leans into it, effectively stopping Ava from trying to determine if she hit her head when she fell. Ava is a little startled by Sara's behavior, enough that she stops checking for a bump and looks into her eyes again.

Sara chuckles when Ava's hands frame her face. Of course, Ava is opening her eyelids to check her pupils, but Sara just feels the familiar gesture of Ava cradling her face and looking into her eyes and there's something so familiar about it for a moment she thinks this might be the right reality.

“I've missed you so much, Aves. Never leave me again.”

It's mumbled and low, but somehow Ava still catches it. It's just a moment later, when the dull ache in her head subsides, and she finally open her eyes to take a look around, that she realizes she isn't in Puerto Rico and finally back home, but she's on the floor of what appears to be either a diner or a café and there are three people staring at her over Ava's shoulder.

Ava has let go of her face and leaned back at this point, and they all look really confused about what Sara is going on about.

“What did you just call me?”

“Ava?” Sara frowns and tries to sit up now that she has the room to do so.

“I'm so sorry, it's probably the head blow, she's not usually this rude to customers,” Zari gives her a look and then helps her up so that Sara is standing.

Now that she isn't only seeing flashes of white anymore, she notices how she and Zari are wearing the same uniform, and so is Amaya, standing a few feet behind Ava, who is decidedly not wearing her uniform. Neither is Nate. He's wearing, well, the same thing Ava's wearing, something that only government operatives would think about wearing.

“Customers?”

“Sara, you just dropped down while walking to the bar with their order, are you feeling okay?” Amaya interjects and, okay, so that's at least for sure Amaya and not Charlie, Sara thinks. It's hard to say, since Charlie looked a lot like Amaya in the first reality she was thrown in, but the caring way she's talking in makes Sara thinks this ought to be Amaya.

“Yeah. Yeah, I think I just hit my head.”

“How do you know my name?” Ava asks, stunning everyone into silence.

Sara's eyebrow raise up and she clicks her tongue, trying to think of something, anything, that could provide an explanation to that fact.

“You wouldn't believe me if I told you,” Sara says.

At the exact same time, Zari tells them, “She takes your order every morning, it's on your cup.”

“What do you mean I wouldn't believe you-”

“Just a joke,” Sara dismisses with a small chuckle, as fake as it sounds she thinks Ava is going to see right through it, but if she does, she doesn't say anything.

“Maybe I should take you to see a doctor,” Ava says, eyes still full of concern.

Sara wonders if she was always like this, if Ava has always been the kind of person who drives a waitress to the hospital if she sees them faint in front of her, if she's always been this kind to strangers and Sara was just too caught up in her own drama and in antagonizing Ava when they first met to see that Ava has always been this amazing, caring person she now knows her to be.

There is something soft about re-learning this woman from scratch, about finding out ways Ava is willing to put everything on the line when it comes to helping her. Sara feels drawn to her in a way she can't really explain and is sure she could never feel for anyone else. She keeps finding Ava, or bumping into her, or falling in love with her. Every universe she's been in, no matter how crazy or different or adventurous, she finds Ava to be an almost constant presence.

That is why she finds herself wondering if she should ask for her help now, if she should trust Ava in this reality too, if Ava will believe her if she just tells the truth now. Actually, Sara knows she wouldn't, because who would? But she wants to press her luck anyway, she wants to take Ava's hand and tell her “we're meant to be, we just don't know it yet”.

She can't do that, of course, because it'll ruin any chance this reality's Sara has to actually get Ava to like her someday, but for a second, she lets herself imagine just taking Ava's hand and ask her to please take her to a doctor and then take her all the way to Puerto Rico so she can explain why and how she knows they belong together.

When did she become so romantic and sappy, she doesn't know, but what she does know is that she's been looking at Ava with loving eyes for a lot longer than socially acceptable when Zari finally clears her throat.

“I'm fine, really,” Sara tries to even out her voice. “I'm sorry about that, I think my blood sugar is just really low and I got confused for a moment. I apologize, and your order is on me,” she smiles her best retail smile and hopes to God it's enough to get through the incident because apparently jumping through dimensions is really getting to her.

“No problem at all, and that won't be necessary, I just wanted to make sure you're okay,” Ava says, voice polite but eyes soft.

“I- uhm, I'll get right on it,” she says, picking up the small block tucked into her apron, but immediately noticing it's blank. “I didn't write it down, this is awkward,” she looks at Zari, remembering she said Sara just took her order.

“Oh. It was just the usual,” Nate steps in, as puzzled as Amaya and Zari by the two women just staring at each other weirdly and spoking softly.

“Right. The... usual.” Sara isn't even sure she can pretend she knows where everything is, so Zari and Amaya will definitely know something is up soon, but making up an order from scratch because they asked for the usual? Yeah, that's not gonna go well. “Foam latte, no sugar, cocoa on top?” Sara guesses. It's what she makes Ava when she wakes up before her, she even bought a frother to keep in Ava's apartment so she can always make it even if she isn't on the ship with Sara or ordering it out in a coffee shop. And she keeps cocoa powder there, too, just so she can make it exactly like Ava loves it when she makes her breakfast in bed.

But, for some reason, Ava just gapes at her for a moment and shakes her head, her cheeks tinting a little, then she shakes her head with that adorable I-don't-know-what-you're-talking-about pout that completely gives away she knows exactly what Sara's talking about.

Nate snorts. “Yeah, no, big bad FBI boss here wouldn't be caught dead asking for that, can you imagine the baby agents who have to bring her coffee during the day knowing she drinks _that_ ,” it's an innocent joke, but there's something deeper there.

For a moment, Sara wonders if Ava just had to change her order as not to appear too demanding or too picky, if she's tried to make herself smaller, like she used to do back home before she found out about being a clone, about her programming, about what made her act that way. Before she learned it was okay to take up space in a room, before she conquered her insecurities and demanded respect for the person she was and not the person others thought she should be.

“Sorry, go back. You guys are FBI?” Zari asks, intrigued. “Wait, boss?”

“Ava's the Deputy Director in charge of the Star City facility,” Nate answers. He turns to Ava for confirmation, but she is still looking at Sara, trying to understand something. Nate nudges her.

“Yeah, yep. It's a little weird, we came here every morning for three months and we never really introduced ourselves,” she forces a polite smile.

“I'm Nate, she's Ava, we're FBI agents, and we're really glad you're not concussed,” Nate offers with a playful smile.

“Do you often speak on her behalf?” Amaya asks, her tone polite but her eyes fiery. God, Sara misses her so much.

“As Ava's spokesperson, I'd say so, yes,” he smiles at her, raising an eyebrow and it's apparent he's being playful, plus Ava chuckles at the joke so Amaya knows he doesn't mean any harm and was just genuinely goofing around.

“Well, I'm Sara and I have no idea what your usual is, so maybe I actually am concussed after all,” she grimaces a little, but shrugs.

“Two black coffees, one with sugar,” Nate supplies.

Sara nods. “Coming right up.”

Zari walks with her to the back of the counter, while Ava and Nate sit back down. They start talking about something but she can see Ava glancing in her direction ever so ofter.

“Z, uhm, how do I-”

“Here,” she shows Sara how to make coffee quickly, then lets her make the second one. “You really hit your head this hard? Maybe you _should_ see a doctor.”

“No, no, it's fine.”

“Plus, Ava's here, and you know Sara wouldn't miss it,” Amaya whispers conspiratorially to Zari. “How long before you tell her you've been trading shifts for weeks now so you're always here in the morning when she comes by?”

“I do that?” Sara chuckles. “Yeah, sounds like me. Why haven't I asked for her number?”

“Well, hello,” Zari nods to the table Ava and Nate are sitting.

They're on opposite sides of the table, but Ava says something that makes Nate shake his head and she gestures for a moment, until he catches her hand with his to stop the frantic movement and brings them down on the table, holding her hand lightly and spoking to her in soft whispers.

It makes no sense, but she has to prove a point. To whom she doesn't know, but it feels like it doesn't matter, so she grasps the milk close by and starts to make foam.

“First of all, ew. Ava's a lesbian. Second of all, Nate's into Amaya. I'm ready to bet every penny of this month's salary on this.”

“Sure, live in denial however long you want, it's so cozy there,” Zari mocks her.

“Plus, you're the one who is so sure there is something between them even though you're getting a vibe that you haven't made a move in three months. Your words,” Amaya points out like Sara has gone crazy, which, probably she has.

The second black coffee is now a foam latte, she just needs some cocoa powder. Zari and Amaya are still looking over at the table, trying to gauge more information, so they don't see Sara changing the order right away. She covers the takeaway cup quickly.

“Hey, speaking of schedules, when do I have some time off? I need two days off, there's something I need to take care of,” Sara asks seriously.

“Maybe this weekend, if you trade some shifts. But tomorrow and Friday you're absolutely on. And, you're the manager so why the hell are you asking us,” Zari sighs of her nonsense.

“Right. I'm the manager, right.”

“Sara, are you sure you're alright?” Amaya asks with concern.

“Yeah, I'm okay. Just, hit my head pretty hard.”

“That's the thing though, it didn't look like you hit your head when you fell, Ava was making sure you were okay just because she saw you fall. And next thing we know,” Zari snorts, “you're calling her baby. You know, like a creep.”

Sara rolls her eyes, picks up the coffees and makes her way over to Ava and Nate's table, putting down the cups in front of them and smiling politely. She thinks this will be the end of her time with Ava in this reality, because they pick their cups, leave money on the tip jar despite Sara having said the coffees are on the house, and head for the door. But then, right outside, Ava takes a sip of the coffee and stops dead in her tracks. She hears her saying how she thinks she left her scarf and tells Nate to go ahead and round up the people for a meeting and she'll be right behind him, as soon as he nods and starts walking Ava walks back to the counter, where Sara is wiping away some spills.

“Little warm for a scarf,” Sara says casually, because they both know Ava didn't come in with one. “Plus, you hate wearing them,” she adds without thinking.

“How could you possibly know that?” Ava asks, half puzzled, half endeared.

Sara shrugs. Ava came back to ask her something, she just has to wait it out and not get herself into more trouble.

“That coffee order. Foam latte with no added sugar, cocoa powder on top,” she clarifies, but there's no need. “Where'd you get that?”

“I- well,” Sara takes a breath and shrugs again. “I just guessed. Hit my head falling down, remember? But it was my bad, your order will never be wrong again.”

Ava just looks at her a moment longer, then nods, but it's unconvinced and her expression is pensive. She's looking at her like Sara's a puzzle.

“Something isn't quite the same with you today. What happened?”

“If I told you,” Sara leans over the counter, whispering to Ava, “you wouldn't believe me.”

“Try me. I've heard weird things, I've seen weirder things. I might be in a believing mood,” she offers, almost casually, like she isn't dying to know, like she isn't hanging by Sara's every word, but Sara knows better. She knows Ava likes answers and puzzles and most of all having answers to her puzzles.

“I touched a magic portal that transported me here from another reality.”

Ava rolls her eyes. “Fine, don't tell me then.”

That makes Sara chuckle.

“It's the truth, I told you, you wouldn't believe me. I know a lot about you, Ava Sharpe, but this version of me doesn't know anything at all about you, except what you've decided to show her. And it's all so far from you.”

“What do you mean, so far from me?” Ava frowns, trying to follow her reasoning.

“You try to be invisible. You drink coffee you don't enjoy to make your order simpler, you wear your hair up to make you look harder and you let Nate hold your hand and speak for you because you think he won't love you like he does if he doesn't get to take care of you, but he _would_ , he _will_ , Ava. You try to make yourself smaller, simpler, average. It won't work,” Sara half smiles and shrugs, like she's almost sorry to be the one who has to give Ava this news, “it can't. You're extraordinary. You can't be anything less.”

“How would you presume to know so much about me only seeing me ten minutes a day, five days a week, for three months?” Her tone is cold, but her eyes, oh her eyes that Sara loves just so, are holding a storm.

“'Cause we've done this all before, in another universe. I've learned to understand you, to know what you're thinking before you do, because you and I-” maybe it's the jumps, and if someone ever asks her, she'll say it was the jumps that made her act so boldly, so dumbly, but in her heart she knows, it has nothing to do with her messed up head and everything to do with the fear that grows with each jump, rooted deep inside her chest, that maybe she won't get to say this to her own Ava, so she has to say it to as many other Ava's as possible, to make sure the universe itself knows that there's a patter, there's a reason, a string that connects it all. “In every universe, in every reality, you and I are meant to be.”

For a long moment, the world fades.

It's just the two of them, in a small coffee shop in Star City, and nothing else that ever was or ever will be matters but them.

Ava's eyes are still stormy, but now they're also stunned.

“I can't tell if you're joking, crazy or just concussed. Maybe all three. Probably all three.”

Sara chuckles, then straightens her back and leans away from the counter, giving Ava a smile and shaking her head a little.

“It's okay that you don't believe me. Please, don't hold it against this Sara, okay? She really likes you, apparently she's been working extra shifts just to see you in the morning. She thinks you're dating Nate, which-”

“Preposterous.”

“-yeah, I was gonna say yikes, but your word sounds better,” Sara chuckles, then decides to go all in in this gamble she's making. “Have a nice day, Ava. Say hi to Gary and Nora for me.”

“How did you even know-”

“I just do. Like I know you have a passion for serial killers, or that you're a cat person, the list goes on and on.”

“I still do not believe you.”

“It's okay. You don't have to. I can bring her back on my own, I just wanted you to know.”

Ava sighs, frowns, then walks away, pausing twice but eventually deciding not to say or ask anything else. Maybe it's for the better, Sara feels like she's messed this reality up enough.

  
  


Surprisingly, or maybe not at all surprisingly, Zari eavesdrops her conversation with Ava and immediately believes her. Her reasoning is simple: Sara knows things about Ava she shouldn't and Zari, her closest friend possibly second to only Amaya, knows she's not a stalker or a creep and is sure Sara didn't go around looking Ava up since she thought she was with Nate; then, this morning, she suddenly knew everything about the woman and was super sure she wasn't in fact with Nate; last, but not least, the coffee shop manager, a woman who worked in the same shop for three years at this point, suddenly has no idea how to make black coffee and almost burns herself trying to make foam latte which, surely enough, they did notice her doing. Plus the next few orders go way more disastrously. Hence, it is easy for her, who's seen Sara work for years, believe that she is not the same woman who opened the shop that morning.

Zari tells all of this to her and Sara doesn't know if she's impressed or concerned that she is so obvious and her friends are so trusting. But Zari simply tells her “I want to know that if one day I come to you and say I've been body swapped you'll believe me, so let me change up some of our turns and get you the afternoon and tomorrow free, so you can go do the thing and we can get our Sara back.”

And it would be unbelievably dumb of Sara not to thank her profusely and hug her, so she accepts the help and remembers to absolutely believe Zari the next time she says Gideon put her in a time loop. Weirder things have happened, after all.

  
  


Amaya helps with most of the orders, and when Zari tells her Sara has the afternoon off she lets a small “oh thank God” slip past her lips, then apologizes, but there is no denying she's been doing the work for both of them while at the same time trying to teach Sara some of the stuff. She's supposed to leave at two, but it's just a few minutes past one when the door opens and Ava walks back in. Sara is practicing her coffee making skills and immediately knows what she's going to do next.

“I kept thinking about you all morning,” she says in a grim tone, like she's tried her best not to, like that's the last thing that should have been on her mind.

“Oh, yeah?” Sara smirks and her eyes sparkle. She's finishing the latte that she places in front of Ava a moment later.

“Not- I didn't mean- I meant to say I thought about what you said all morning,” Ava clarifies, but it's nice to know Sara can make her stutter and nervous and cute in this reality as well. “Everything you said could be found with a little stalking, but a few things I just can't figure out how you could possibly know. Like, a coffee order I haven't placed in years,” she points out the moment Sara places a cup in front of her and she doesn't have to ask what's inside to be sure.

“Lucky guess,” Sara offers, still smiling. “Or, I've made you this before countless times in a different reality.”

“Or how would you know I'm a cat person? I've never had a pet so you couldn't have find out a preference while stalking me, and yet you were sure,” Ava continues. “Or that I don't like wearing scarves.”

“Or that you have a pet peeve for white chocolate.”

“It's not chocolate, it's just butter and sugar!” Ava can't refrain herself from defending herself, but it just gives Sara the confirmation she's right again. “Okay, I'll play this game. You said you have to bring her back, did you mean the Sara from this reality?”

“Yes. I have to go back to Isabela, Puerto Rico, and touch the portal again. I'm leaving as soon as my shift is over, in-” she looks up at the clock on the wall, “thirty minutes.”

“I'm coming with you. If what you say it's true someone has to seal this portal off and make sure nobody touches it again, so let me just take tomorrow off and get some FBI tech, I'll take care of the plane tickets, I'll be back here to pick you up in an hour, have your passport with you. And if you've been screwing with me this whole time-”

“We'll be alone in Puerto Rico with swim suits and a lot of time to kill?” Sara smirks.

“Your abrasive personality isn't nearly as cute as you think it is, miss Lance.”

“Oh, who's the stalker now, Director Sharpe?” Sara says, noticing Ava using a surname she didn't give her.

Ava made that adorable pout she had whenever she wanted to strangle Sara, but it was just such a throwback that she couldn't help but keep the small smile she had on her lips in place. She knew Ava wasn't even really mad, just frustrated, but something about railing her up was immensely satisfying to her at this moment.

“You'll be surprised to discover, miss Lance, that blurting out a bunch of personal details about a facility director of the FBI will get you under investigation pretty quickly.”

“Maybe that was my goal all along. Maybe I like being on your mind so much.”

Ava clicks her tongue, then realizes she can't win this match while she's arguing and Sara is just flirting, so she just sighs and tries to hide the flush in her cheeks.

“One hour. Do not be late.”

She takes her foam latte with cocoa on top and doesn't pause when she leaves.

  
  


Zari helps her into her apartment and looks for her passport with Sara, but she's never been an overly tidy person, so it still takes her a while. She throws some clothes into a bag and calls it packing. She writes a note to the other Sara, writing down Ava's favorite coffee order and to ask her directly all the things Sara knew already so she could discover them with Ava's consent, then adds a post scriptum telling herself to be brave.

She's really becoming her own best matchmaker.

The drive to the airport is short and mostly silent, and Sara immediately falls asleep on the plane, the utter madness of the past few days finally catching up with her. She wakes up to Ava gently calling her name, and realizes she fell asleep on Ava's shoulder. She's sure she feels Ava moving her hair aside, but when she opens her eyes she's nothing but professional again.

Sara kinda forgot how good they were at denying themselves what they desired.

It's not even dawn when they arrive in Isabela, but Ava insists they just get it over with, and then go back immediately. She's still claiming to not believe Sara and to just want proof this has all been a sham. Sara is happy to indulge her.

The sun starts rising by the time they're near the clearing that is starting to be familiar to Sara, and she feels something weird in her chest. Maybe dread for what's ahead, maybe a tiny slim hope that she's closer than ever, because this Ava is so much alike her own.

“Hey, Aves, can I ask a favor?”

Ava hums, but doesn't say anything. They're walking to the hollow tree and she can see the glowing artifact now, she looks like she's finally ready to admit she believes Sara.

“This Sara, she's different from me, she's shyer for some reason and kinder. She's going to fit with you in all the right ways, because you're more closed off and maybe a little sadder than you were when I first met you in my reality. I don't know what you've been through and I don't think it's my place to know. But in all the universes I've been, we were always slightly different so that it was a perfect fit every time. She'll get you in ways I couldn't. What I'm trying to say is, just give this a chance,” Ava is looking at her like she's about to say something, but instead she just nods.

Sara walks to the tree and sighs.

“Here we go again. Please, please take me home,” she whispers despite knowing the artifact can't really understand her.

The light is blinding and the force still knocks the wind out of her. And she wonders, not for the first time, how much longer she'll have to do this.

  
  


//

  
  


Ava isn't there when Sara wakes up, she's back at the Time Bureau where she delegates everything she can and takes care of the thing she has to do herself. Nate is helping and Gary has stepped up too, but it's still hard. Still, she has time to work for a few hours and everything seems to still be in order.

She even has time to go back to her apartment and shower, before her phone rings and Gideon warns her Sara is about to regain consciousness and Zari is with her. She steps into the Waverider asking if it's their own Sara who's back, Gideon apologizes and it's enough to make Ava understand. She walks over to the med bay with a heavy heart.

“I don't understand, Z. We work at a coffee shop, I'm just a manager, I'm not- I'm not this person you're describing.”

When Zari looks at her Sara turns around and immediately gets up from her seat.

“Ava.”

“Hi,” she smiles. “You know who I am,” she points out.

“Well, I see you every morning, don't I,” Sara says, but then frowns. “Oh, wait. I guess if I'm not the manager of a coffee shop I don't actually see you every morning.”

Zari snorts and makes her turn again. Ava gives her a look that makes Zari hold her hands up.

“What, you thought about the same thing didn't you? She does see you every morning, just not in a coffee shop,” she smirks just so, making the meaning of her words unmistakable.

“Zari,” Ava says warningly.

Sara frowns, looks back at Ava. “But I thought you were dating the man who comes with you every morning and seems to follow you everywhere and has all your schedules and meeting stuff and everything.”

Ava gapes at her for a moment. “You thought I was dating Gary?” It's almost a gasp, but in her defense, how is this happening?

“I thought his name was Nate. Tall, well built, handsome.”

“You thought I was dating _Nate_?!”

“Well, now I'm not sure anymore,” Sara offers an apologetic smile. “All I know about you is your name, that you have a government job if I had to guess by the way you dress, and the way you take your coffee in the morning.”

“We met in your shop?” Ava asks.

“Yeah, you started coming in about three months ago. I started trading shifts so I could be there every morning, but you were always with that Nate guy so I never made a move. Why am I telling you all this?” Sara frowns at her own forwardness.

“After the first few times Sara shifted reality Gideon started to mix a mild sedative with something called sodium thiopental. This works easier if you're forthcoming with the truth and if you're inclined to believe us,” Ava explains. “Princess you was hard to handle, let's just say we needed some extra measures in place.”

“Sodium thiopental, isn't that- wait a moment, you gave me the truth serum? Wait, shifted realities? Wait. Princess me?!”

“We can't keep you asleep, we don't know how long you'll stay in each reality, and while Gideon can monitor your brain activity to determine whether or not you're our Sara, asking is a lot easier and faster,” Zari explains. “Plus, this never ceases to be entertaining.”

“What Zari means is, if you go back without knowing what happened and find yourself in Puerto Rico in front of an artifact we don't know what you'll do and we want to avoid you fricking out or touching it again, so we've been explaining to you what is happening and what to avoid, in an attempt to keep you safe.”

Sara nods, trying to keep up with all the information.

“So, I'll go back soon?”

“As soon as our Sara finds her way back to the portal that sent you here in the first place,” Ava confirms. “We don't know if she's doing this all on her own or if she's relaying on us, since most of the versions of you we've met seem to know us. What we do know is she's usually fast, and we apologize in advance for any hustle she may cause on your end.”

Sara nods again. “Okay. This is a lot to take in.”

“Why don't we eat something and then you can perhaps go back to sleep?” Ava offers.

“Yeah. Yeah, that sounds like a good idea.”

Ava smiles kindly, and finds herself longing for Sara to be back and look at her the way she does, love her the way she does. She wonders how much longer Sara can weather through realities unscathed and knowing Ray and Nate are working non stop to help her find her way back is bringing her only mild comfort. But still, she has to keep hoping, because if she starts thinking about not seeing her Sara ever again the panic starts to set in. And, right now, she has to be there for these versions of Sara who need her.

So she stays strong, knowing the only way out is through.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a softer, dorkier chapter! Lemme know what you thought if you'd like to (and prepare for the angst that is next chapter in advance)!


	7. the only way out is through (so let it all in and then let it all go)

She wakes up to a phone ringing and her head pounding so much it feels like it's going to explode the moment she opens her eyes. It doesn't, but barely.

“Yeah?” she knows her voice is raspy and she sounds like she's half dead, but it's honestly all she can do to make a sound.

“Sara, are you alright?”

“Daddy?”

“You didn't show up for work, Thea got worried. Are you alright? You sound-” he cuts himself off and Sara blinks a few times, looking for an answer that won't come to her.

“I'm fine, dad. I'm just- I think I'm coming down with the flu or something.”

“The flu,” he repeats, and it's obvious he's not buying it for a moment.

There's a sound of someone turning the key in the front door lock and suddenly Sara is aware she's lying on the couch in her pj's at five in the afternoon in what looks like Laurel's apartment and she probably shouldn't be.

“Dad, someone's at the door, I gotta go.”

Before she can even finish the sentence, Laurel is standing beside her. Sara's heart leaps once again at the sight of her sister alive and well, but then the look on her face dampens Sara's mood considerably.

“Thea called,” she explains, waving the phone in her hand. “This is the third time this week you've been late for work, Sara. You start at four in the afternoon, can't you ever be on time?”

Sara presses a hand to her forehead, trying to will the headache and nausea away, but it doesn't exactly work. She tries to stand up, but the moment she does her legs give out and Laurel barely manages to catch her before she can crash into the coffee table. She helps her back on the couch and her look of disappointment leaves way to utter concern.

“Why do you keep doing this to yourself?” Laurel's voice is low and quiet, her eyes are full of sorrow and hopelessness.

“I'm just sick, Laurel, I have a headache and-”

“And you feel like puking and your eyes are hurting and you're up an hour later than the time you're supposed to already be at work. Yeah, I can see you're hangover for myself,” she scoffs. “What is it this time, pills, booze, something else? You've been doing so well until this week, what happened to you?”

Sara frowns and looks at her like she's crazy. “What are you talking about?”

Laurel rolls her eyes and gets up from the couch, shaking her head.

“I don't know what to do anymore, Sara. We tried though love, we tried coddling you, spurring you. Nothing is working. This addiction thing, you know it runs in the family. Dad lost himself to alcohol and I lost myself to pills. You've dabbled a little too much in the past and when you quit everything a few weeks ago, we thought maybe you weren't-” she sighs again. “You didn't need help to quit, you weren't addicted, you were just coping. But now, Sara, this has all the signs of a relapse. Maybe you do need help, professional help.”

Sara touches her forehead again.

“I'm not hangover, Laurel. Look for empty alcohol bottles if you don't believe me,” she gestures around. She doesn't feel hangover, at least.

She feels sick. Sweaty. In pain. Then, it hits her. She's not hangover, no. She's in withdrawal. The thought makes her sicker.

“Laurel,” her voice trembles, she looks up and her vision blurs a little, but she tries to stand up again anyway. “Something isn't right, something's not-”

Laurel is quick to catch her again, but this time, when she deposits her back onto the couch, Sara is out cold.

  
  


When she's on the edge of consciousness again, what pulls her in are the voices coming from a few feet behind the couch.

“-Vertigo, I think it's called, I saw her with some. Sin said she found Sara on the clock tower last Sunday, she seemed high out of her mind, she told her this crazy story,” the voice, Sara has no doubt, belongs to Thea.

“I thought she was getting better, I really did,” Laurel is still there, then.

“This has nothing to do with what happened to her. She says Vertigo makes her see something,” a voice Sara hasn't heard in a while but could recognize anywhere, Sin's.

She sits up, eyes slowly opening. If there is one thing she immediately knows for sure is that if she's really an addict her bank account will be empty and she needs a fast way to Puerto Rico. But she also knows there is no way in hell anyone's gonna believe an addict.

She's feeling more like herself, her mind probably mixing with the body she's occupying is lessening the ache and pain, the withdrawal seems to subside the more time she spends in this body, and she doesn't want to imagine what her counterpart is going through right now. She walks over to the women standing a few feet from her and they all turn to look at her.

“I'm going to list a few names, I need you to tell me if I know any of them,” she says.

“Sara, please sit down,” Laurel steps towards her, but Sara shakes her head.

“I know you won't believe what is happening to me, but I need someone who will, so tell me if you recognize any of these as people I know, please,” she says, clear and focused, completely unlike the first time she woke up. “Amaya Jiwe.”

“Sara, please, we're-”

“Zari Tomaz, Nate Heywood, Ray Palmer, Mick Rory.”

“Stop, please. We're your closest friends, these people you're mentioning, are they made up or is this some trick, or,” Laurel shakes her head almost desperately, not understanding.

There's no spark of recognition in their eyes. Not until Sara says “Ava Sharpe” and she see Sin looking away, recoiling slightly.

They turn to her and she sighs, shaking her head.

“Not this again Sara, please. She's not real. She's not. This woman from another time you see when you're high isn't real. You do need help,” Sin tells her. “You need to get clean.”

Sara closes her eyes. She sees a woman from another time when she's high, called Ava, because that is surely going to convince them she's telling the truth if she says Ava's real and she's from another reality.

“When did I start using?”

“Sara-”

“When?”

“Like you don't know!” Laurel raises her voice suddenly, finally recognizing Sara won't let them help or be kind to her. “Like you don't know that you started spiraling the day you came back. And it wasn't because you couldn't go back to the league, but because of the things you did when you were there! Because of the lives you've taken in the league, because you feel like you don't deserve happiness or redemption or peace, but you do.”

“Stop,” Sara holds her breath. “That's it. The league released me? I didn't go back with Nyssa, so I didn't die. Malcolm killed a league member tracking him, but it wasn't me. So you didn't become the Black Canary and Rip didn't recruit me as the White Canary. I was never with the Legends so time was never broken, but that means- I never met her, because Ava never existed. This whole reality... is an anachronism.”

Sara frowns, shakes her head.

“But how did I become an addict, why? Ava didn't save me. She taught me how to be alive again, but Laurel, you were the one who saved me, who told me I could be a hero in the light. So why is everything so wrong?”

“Stop! Stop, just- are you still high?” Thea asks. “Laurel _is_ the Black Canary, you _did_ die, everything you said _has_ happened. But you never went back to being a vigilante or, what did you say you were? The white canary?”

“No, this doesn't make sense. Because if everything happened, then why didn't Rip recruit me?” Sara asks to nobody in particular.

“Who the hell is Rip?” Laurel demands, exasperated.

Sara is still just thinking out loud at this point.

“Well, if this isn't an anachronism and the Time Bureau does exist, I just have to create a big one myself and they'll come. A huge one, really fucking massive one.”

She steps out of the room to grab clothes different than pj's and enters again changed just two minutes later, heading for the front door.

“Where are you going?” Laurel asks, sounding tired.

“I'm going to kill Damien Darhk.”

Like she figured, they immediately run after her.

  
  


They keep telling her how crazy she is, or how little sense she's making, or that she's probably high and they won't let her do it. They follow her all the way to the new secret lair. Oliver is there, talking to Felicity.

She starts gearing up and Laurel tells her she's going to inject her with sedative to keep her there, if she has to, but Sara doesn't seem fazed, saying she'll have to put her in a coma permanently because as soon as she gets the chance to, she'll try again.

“Sara, you'll get yourself killed,” Oliver tells her bluntly.

“I know,” it's all she has to say. “It's simple really, either I'll kill him or die trying, either way, if I mess up the timeline enough they'll have to show up and take me down.”

“What are you talking about?” Felicity is baffled. “Is this the bloodlust again?”

“No, this is Vertigo,” Thea says. “She's high.”

“Sara, whatever is happening with you, I know you're in pain but we can help you,” Oliver tries to stop her again.

“You can't,” she pauses for a moment, picking up a gun. “They think I'm an addict and you think I'm a monster, Ollie. There's only one person who can help me and I'm not even sure she exists in this reality. Maybe this is the only way I have out of this,” she realizes.

It's then. It's the moment she makes peace with the fact she'll have to die, the moment she makes the decision she would rather be dead than trapped, that's when the portal opens.

They all turn towards the noise and, sure enough, a woman steps into the room and they can see two men standing on the other side of it.

Sara immediately puts the gun down, slowly, then walks over, eyes desperate and filled with tears, face tired, and looks at Ava just for a second before she melts in her arms.

Ava stiffs up, but then relaxes against her, holds her tight to her.

“Aves. I knew you'd come.”

“How do you- you're not supposed to know me, yet. We haven't met, you disappeared from my present while we were having breakfast and we tracked an anachronism right here, Gideon said you were killed by Darhk a few hours from now.”

“I'm sorry. I needed you. I didn't know how else to get in touch with you.”

Ava leans back and takes her face into her hands, looking into her eyes.

“Holy shit, she's real,” Sin whispers, but it's loud enough they all hear her. “The woman she says she's seeing, the woman from another time. Ava.”

“Oh,” Ava frowns. “But I thought the visions Vertigo gave you of me were blurred and about the two times you already saw me in the past, when I wiped your memories after correcting those anachronisms, how did you know this would work?”

Sara shakes her head. “I don't know what you're talking about. I never took Vertigo, I never had visions of you, and I'm not an anachronism.”

Ava frowns, but keeps listening.

“I touched an artifact in Puerto Rico, Nate usually finds something about it when researching it so you can ask him if you don't believe me, at least he did in a few of the realities I've been in. It's a portal through the multiverse, whenever I touch it I get thrown into another reality, and they're supposed to be closer and closer to mine each time, but I can't seem to make it back home. I woke up here, in withdrawal, nobody believed me, and it was too confusing. Everything seems so similar, but Rip didn't recruit me in January 2016.”

Ava looks back through the portal. Nate nods and walks away quickly.

“He didn't,” Ava confirmes. “He recruited you a year later, a few months from this point in time. You had a hard time after coming back to life,” Ava tries to explain, but Sara can sense the meaning behind her words. She is in no condition to fight. “You have to get through the bloodlust first. And through,” she pauses, “through this.”

“You mean Vertigo.”

“If I could change it-”

“Rip won't let you.”

Ava's eyes are clouded, full of pain and resentment.

“I turned to Vertigo because I couldn't feed the bloodlust. You wiped memories from my past while correcting anachronisms and those lost memories are what the Vertigo is bringing back up. Close enough?”

“Pretty on point, yes,” Ava confirms. “I'm sorry. You were a loose cannon, or so he thought.”

“Can you help me get back home, please? I need to get to the portal. I'm sure if I'm an addict my bank account is empty and they surely don't believe me,” she looks back at her friends staring at them. “I just want to get home to you, I miss you so much, Aves. I keep seeing you, keep seeing versions of us in love across reality, and it's great to see how, no matter how different we are, we're always both different enough to fit together perfectly. But I just want _my_ you back, the you that fits with _me_ perfectly.”

Ava cradles her face in her hands again.

“Of course I'll help you, my love.”

“She's telling the truth about the artifact,” Nate says, coming into vision again from the other side of the portal. “At least according to some legends.”

Ava nods and opens another portal with the coordinates Sara gives her, right in front of the hollow tree. That's pretty convenient, if she's honest. She can touch it without even leaving the room, for once.

“Sara, you're the strongest person I've ever known. If there's someone who can make it through this, is you,” Ava tells her. “I don't know how many realities you've been through or how many you still have to go through, but I know you can endure this. You can make it back home. Just don't give up, because if there is one thing I know for sure about your version of me is, she's never going to give up on you.”

Sara lets out a long breath, her shoulders relax. She really, really needed to hear that. She steps to her and throws her arms around Ava's shoulders, hugging her one last time.

“I hope I'll see you soon,” she whispers.

Then, she steps back, turns around, and touches the damn portal once again.

  
  


//

  
  


When it happens, this time, Ava is walking back to the med bay side by side a very smiling Sara. She's made a joke and Sara has laughed in such a familiar way that for a moment trying to forget it's almost easy.

A moment later, a hand reaches out just in time to alert Ava something is wrong and as coffee shop Sara faints she sweeps her up bridal style just in time. Zari goes serious immediately and leads the way back to the med bay, hurrying her step and opening the doors for Ava.

They barely have the time to deposit her onto the med bay chair when she starts to stir. For a moment, she still looks peaceful. There is nothing that points to what's about to happen.

“Hey, it's okay, you're okay, Sara.”

Ava tries to sooth her when she goes rigid, but something is obviously not right. Her muscles are tight and she starts sweating and her skin is too warm.

Zari is connecting Gideon to Sara, when her eyes open slightly.

“Shit, that stuff's strong,” she murmurs, then she brings a hand to her mouth.

Ava immediately gets a bucket to her and Sara throws up into it.

“Director, if I may, I would not advise to sedate this version of Captain Lance,” Gideon's voice comes through the speakers just as Sara pushes the bucket away and wipes her mouth.

“What do you mean, Gideon, she's sick, she needs something,” Zari interjects.

“A high dosage of a drug called Vertigo was in her system when she portaled,” Gideon explains. “It would appear that because Captain Lance's consciousness was swapped at the peak of the effect, this body is reacting like it's being injected with a high dosage of the drug on the first use, and I believe the body our Captain is currently in, is experiencing a violent withdrawal. While the withdrawal will be intense and brief because she has never actually used the drug, the mind of the Sara Lance currently in our care is at the peak of the high. Adding any chemical compounds to this equation might result in catastrophic effects. I believe the only possible course of action is waiting for the effects to subside before administrating a mild sedative.”

They're trying to wrap their minds around everything Gideon has told them.

“She was injected with a high dosage of Vertigo,” Ava repeats. “By whom? Who would do this to her?”

Sara looks pale and her eyes are unfocused and clouded. Ava moves her hair aside, then feels her forehead. She's burning up now, and her concern increases tenfold. Sara's lying down again, on her side, and Ava waves a hand through her hair gently. Sara chuckles, a broken, out of sorts laugh that sends a cold shiver up her spine.

“According to her memories,” Gideon informs them, “she took the drug willingly. She has repeatedly used this substance in the past two weeks, it would appear.”

Ava raises her eyes, meeting Zari's gaze over Sara's body.

They don't have to say it out loud, it's apparent to them Sara is somewhat addicted to one of the most dangerous, horrific drugs known to them. What they can't understand is why or how this happened.

Sara's gaze seem to regain some of its focus and settles on Ava.

“You look different,” Sara says. She waves a hand through Ava's hair roughly, pulling her in slightly. “Your bun is gone and where's your suit?”

“Sara?” Ava frowns.

“Oh, that's the first time I've herd you say my name. Always Miss Lance this and that.”

Sara lets her go and turns on her back, staring at the ceiling.

“You feel so real sometimes.”

When she takes Ava's hand from her hair and shifts it against her own neck, Ava lets her, mainly because she's too baffled to stop her. She feels her own heart pound in her chest almost as much as Sara's pounding beneath her fingertips.

“Am I not real?”

“You're from another time. I know you stole my memories of things that should have never happened, and when I'm like this I can remember. I can see you again. But this is not like the other times, this is new.”

Sara is starting to slip into unconsciousness, but Ava isn't sure that's a great idea. She tightens her grips and Sara's eyes snap open.

“Does this feel fake to you?” she asks, letting her nails dig a little deeper into Sara's skin. “Stay awake, Sara.”

Her voice is clear and the order is almost harsh. She doesn't know why seeing her like this is upsetting her so much, she knows it's not her Sara who did this, and knowing her makes her think this Sara probably had her reasons to, not that she can condone it.

“Bossy. I like that.”

“O-okay, this is getting a little uncomfortable,” Zari grimaces a little at the scene unfolding in front of her.

“She's delirious, and we can't let her fall asleep,” Ava explains.

“Yeah, still maybe don't indulge her,” she points to Ava's hand on Sara's neck, that Sara put there and is still holding there tightly.

She slips it away quickly, or at least tries, but Sara catches her wrist mid air.

“Can you bring her water? Lots of it, please,” she asks Zari, who nods quickly and leaves the room without questioning the request.

Sara moves her eyes from the ceiling to look over at her again, she opens and closes her lips a few times, a question on the tip of her tongue that it's yearning to get out.

“When will you come for me?”

Ava frowns, not really understanding what that means.

“You said you'll come for me soon. I don't know why or how, but I do know that either means you'll save me or kill me. And I'm ready, Aves. I'm ready for this to end, one way or the other, I'm ready for you to come for me now.”

“Don't say that, please,” she begs with a gasp. She lowers her head until her forehead touches Sara's temple, nose digging into her cheek. “You have to get through this, my love. You have to be strong.”

“I'm so tired, Ava. This is the only thing that makes the bloodlust stop. I don't want to feel like that anymore, I don't want to feel the need to hurt Thea.”

“I know, I know. But you _will_ get through it. I promise you will.”

Ava grasps Sara's hand in hers and leans back to look in her eyes, placing a hand on her cheek to make Sara look at her.

“One day, this ache inside of you will fade. You'll be free. But there is no shortcut, baby. Vertigo won't help, nothing will help but time.”

She kisses the hand she's holding, and tries to put every ounce of her love into the gesture, then holds the hand to her chest. Sara looks at her with pain filled eyes.

“It's not Vertigo that helps. It's that memory of you saving my life in Starling when I was eighteen. I know you had to take it from me, I know. But I want to remember. That time in D.C. we met at a bar and I spent two hours hitting on you only for a guy to attack us, you were there to protect me, you had to take that away, too. But I don't want to forget you, your smile, your eyes. I'm drawn to you, you're the thing that helps. Vertigo is just- it's just a mean.”

Her heart jumps into her throat.

“What Vertigo shows you, it's not me. It's a faded, distorted memory. If what you say is true and if your reality is like mine, we'll meet somewhere in your future. But not like this, not through you destroying yourself for a placebo.”

“Don't listen to her, and do not feel responsible,” Zari says, coming back into the room in time to hear the flimsy excuse. “Despite what she says, it _is_ the drug. If it wasn't you, the drug would have shown her something else that would have made her want more, it's how new Vertigo works, at least where I'm from. Some douchbag figured the best way to get people addicted to a drug was to show them having the thing they crave most. Sara craves peace. And I think, somehow, the idea of missing memories resonated with her need to believe things could've gone differently. She'll love you, Ava, she will. But she doesn't yet, she hasn't even _met_ you yet. It's not you saving her life but taking her memories that made her addicted. Her connection to you is what makes her see you, but not what made her start using, so don't even go there.”

Ava nods, thankful.

Zari scoots Sara up and helps her drink a decent amount of water, before setting her back down into the med bay chair.

“The Vertigo levels are low enough now that a sedative should help Captain Lance sleep off the rest of the drug,” Gideon informs them.

“Go ahead, then,” Zari says.

Sara opens her eyes again, eyelids heavy.

“Ava?”

“I'm right here.”

“Don't leave me.”

It's chocked and weak and Sara sounds so fucking broken that she can barely keep her tears in check.

“I'm always by your side, my love.”

“I'll see you soon,” Sara murmurs.

That's the sentence that breaks down Ava. Tears held in for days finally slip out, as she lets herself cry while still holding Sara's hand, Zari's own hand on her shoulder in a comforting but not crowding gesture.

She hopes, she really hopes Sara is right, and that she can see her again soon.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this is so late, I kept forgetting I had to update. I know this is heavy angst, the really heavy kind, next chapters is a mixture and fluff and good angst so stay tuned! If you want to, let me know what you thought <3


	8. how unfair it's just our luck (found something real that's out of touch)

There is no pain. No headache, no blinding light. There are no crippling sadness or anxiety, no desperation or sorrow.

She wakes up slowly, warm all over from the sun peaking through the window and into her bedroom, and everything is still. She feels peace.

When she's finally awake she sits up, stirring and stretching her arms, a slow yawn draws away the last bits of her sleep and fully brings her into the morning.

Then, she remembers. She sighs, getting up and looking for some clothes. She wants to get this over with quickly, because by this point she's convinced it's a process of elimination: the quicker she goes through all the wrong universes, the sooner she'll be back home into the right one.

She opens the door of her room and peeks into the living room. It's Laurel's apartment and by the looks of it the two of them are sharing it in this world. Except, what she sees is a woman, standing in the apartment, cooking. A brunette with long hair. She turns to grab something from a shelf and that's when Sara sees who it is.

“Fuck,” she swears lightly, because Nyssa is in her apartment and she will _not_ cheat on Ava, even if it's to keep up appearances, she can't go out there and act like she's in love with her. She closes her the door again as silently as she can and closes her eyes, leaning against it. There's a prayer on her lips, sent out to an entity she doesn't believe is listening: “Please, do _not_ do this to me.”

Except, for the first time since she picked up this bad habit of talking to herself out loud, the higher power actually responds.

“Do not do what to y- woah,” there's a pause, a moment passes. “Well, you're not Sara.”

She opens her eyes to confirm her suspicion, even though the voice was enough. Ava is standing in front of her dressed in her suit, in the middle of the room. But a moment before it was absolutely empty. How did she even do that, and what does she mean she's not Sara?

“Ava?”

“Yes,” she frowns, looking her up and down. “You're not my Sara.”

“How did you get in here? Were you hiding under my bed or something? I'm-” she squints her eyes and shakes her head.

“What do you mean how did I get in here. You called, I answered.”

“I didn't _call_ , I don't even have a phone.”

Ava gapes at her, chin raising a little as she studies Sara. “Are you making fun of me?”

She takes a breath, pinching the bridge of her nose.

“Okay, pretend for a second that I'm from another reality and ended up into this Sara's body and you have to explain to me exactly what is happening.”

Ava gasps. “You're from another reality?! How exciting, I've never met anyone from a different universe, how did you get here? Is this universe similar to your own? Oh, since you know my name I must exist there as well! I have so many questions.”

Sara raises her hands to stop the ranting. “Why do you believe me? Doesn't this sound a little crazy to you?”

“Well, you can't lie to me, so yes I do believe you. And no, I do not believe inter-dimensional travel to be particularly unbelievable, not compared to some of the things we come across on a daily basis,” Ava says, genuinely thinking about it.

Sara can't help but stare at her with a frown on her face.

Either something is very, very wrong with Ava or she actually is still passed out. This would explain why the jump didn't hurt.

“Okay, let's start over,” she says slowly. “How did you get into a room that was empty, since I was standing at the door?”

“Oh, right. This must be pretty confusing for you. I teleported here.”

Her eyebrows shoot up. “You t-” she can't even say it. “You mean you opened a portal here with your time courier, right?” Sara nods, encouragingly, hoping Ava will clarify that surely she didn't mean she magically transported herself into her room.

As Sara nods, Ava shakes her head no.

“No, that would be crazy. I appeared in your room when you summoned me with your mind,” she explains, like it somehow makes more sense.

“Well, I didn't summon you, first of all,” Sara is starting to feel a tiny bit of panic by this point, “and second of all what do you mean you teleported yourself here because I _summoned_ you?! Are you some kind of demon or magical creature or?”

“No, of course I'm not a demon,” Ava snorts, like the very idea is ridiculous, and Sara lets out a long breath. “I'm your guardian angel.”

Sara stares at her, without saying anything, without reacting at all, for what feels like an eternity, because she can't possibly have heard right. There is no way, no way in hell she heard that statement correctly.

“I'm s- I'm sorry, you're my _what_ now?”

“Your guardian angel. Do you not have a guardian angel where you're from?”

“Not to the best of my knowledge, no,” Sara answers calmly, like this whole conversation isn't completely crazy.

“That's inconvenient.”

“Sure is. So, what can a guardian angel do? Do you grant wishes?”

“That's a genie.”

“Okay, do you slaughter my enemies for me?”

“That is called a killer for hire and it is a concept that's generally frowned upon.”

“So how did I get a guardian angel and why?” Sara decides to change tactics, since Ava seems to be focusing on all the wrong details.

“Well, since you almost died when you shouldn't have I got assigned to you, to heal you. And then since you're so hellbent on fighting crime in one of the most dangerous cities in the country I just kind of got partnered up with you and stuck around, with instructions to intervene and heal you when required without interfering in other ways.”

“Oh, wow, that actually sounds kinda cool. So you're a healer, but you can't, like, resuscitate people right? And you help fix my problems?”

“Sometimes,” Ava nods.

“Good! Current problem: my ex is in the other room and I do not intend to cheat on my girlfriend even if this is another universe, not even to keep up appearances, so if you could help me sneak out of here, that would be great.”

Ava is looking at her with an amused expression, she's trying her best to conceal it but she's failing miserably.

“You have no idea what is happening in this universe do you? The woman in the other room, Nyssa Al Ghul, is indeed your ex girlfriend. She is not here to see you, however, she is here as your sister's new girlfriend, Sara.”

“Nyssa and Laurel are together?!”

“I would advise to keep your voice down, they can't hear me but they might be able to hear you,” Ava points out, and Sara is ready to swear for a moment she saw an amused smirk on her face, but it's gone before she can comment on it.

“Okay, so Nyssa isn't here to see me. You're in my life, so, obviously,” Sara chuckles and doesn't pay any attention to the frown that grazes Ava's features quickly and just as quickly disappears again before she can say anything about it. “Do I have any close friends?”

“The people you dabble in vigilantism with,” Ava answers curtly. “Not the most qualified team, but you do seem to fit in better with them than you ever did with Mr Queen's team.”

“Great, so the Legends I assume. Well, they might believe me, but that's a big risk,” she reasons out loud.

“They did not believe you about having a guardian angel, until you were fatally wounded and I had to heal you in front of Zari and Ray. I also healed Amaya once, gaining your team's trust, if I'm not mistaken.”

“Aw, are you trying to say you like my friends, Aves?” Sara smiles a little at the ever present cuteness that Ava has.

“Some of them,” Ava quips. “They would give their life for you, but as long as I'm with you I'll make sure they don't have to. They have seen some pretty strange things, so who knows, they might believe you this time. Do you need assistance from some of them?”

“I have to get to Puerto Rico as soon as possible. One of them must know my credit card details, where my passport is, stuff like that.”

“One of them does,” Ava nods. “You're staring at her.”

The proud smile on her lips satisfies Sara in a weird way. This version of Ava is a little more aloof and naive, but she still seems brave and a little reckless – Sara is almost sure she wasn't actually allowed to heal anyone else but her, yet she just admitted to healing Amaya when Sara asked, disobeying orders for her. It's still the Ava she knows.

“Let's get into it, then,” Sara says, stepping closer and taking her hand, or at least, trying to.

She reaches out but her hand goes through Ava's without grasping anything. It comes away a little colder, but still empty, and Sara stares at it for a long moment, blinking slowly, trying to make sense of it. She stares at her own fingertips like the answer to all the questions she has might be written on them.

Slowly, her eyes travel up.

Ava isn't looking at her, and Sara swears there's infinite sorrow in the eyes she loves so much, but then she blinks, and when she shifts to look at Sara a moment later, the look is gone.

“I'm an extracorporeal entity, Sara,” she explains with a smile. But her eyes are shining with hidden tears.

“Right. Sorry,” she swallows the knot in her throat and clears it for good measure, then walks over to her laptop and opens it.

Ava knows the password, of course, knows the credit card details, knows where Sara's passport is kept, knows where she can find some cash. Once everything is set and ready, Sara throws a few clothes into a bag and heads for the door again.

Laurel is sitting on the couch with Nyssa by her side. They're watching some reality show about cooking and her sister turns when she comes out of her room.

“Hey. Heading out?”

“Yeah, I'm leaving town for a day or two, I'll be back before you know it,” Sara says quickly, knowing that if she stays too long her sister will know something is wrong with her.

Laurel frowns. “You're leaving today? That's quick. Did something happen?”

“No, everything's okay, I just need a break.”

“From what?” Laurel doesn't seem to buy it for a second.

“Oh, you know,” Sara sighs and shrugs. “Life.”

“Just tell her you got intel on some criminal smuggling out of the country,” Ava suggests casually, like she's used to brainstorming ideas with Sara.

“Right,” Sara turns to Ava, nodding. “What she said,” she points at Ava with her thumb, turning to her sister again.

Laurel gives her a look. “Sara, are you having those hallucinations again?”

“They can't see me, remember?” Ava reminds her.

Sara closes her eyes for a moment. “No, no, I'm not hallucinating or anything. Sorry, I just have, uhm-”

“You have an earpiece Zari is talking to you through,” Ava prompts.

“-I have my earpiece on, Zari was talking to me through it and since I haven't slept, like, at all last night, I just got confused for a moment. So, I have intel on a criminal smuggling out of the country. I'll be back tomorrow. I love you, sis. Bye Nyssa.”

She sighs, shaking her head, as she turns and walks out of the apartment as quickly as her feet will carry her. That was not convincing at all.

They walk to Sara's car and Ava sits in the passenger's seat and asks Sara to change the radio station every other song, but Sara complies with no complaints. It's nice to have her here, it's nice to be believed immediately and thoroughly. She remembers feeling the utter desperation when she woke up the previous time, alone and in withdrawal, then again knowing nobody would believe her or help her.

It's different now; with Ava sitting next to her and singing along a Britney Spears song, Sara knows she will forever cherish the day she learned angels can sing out of tune.

“We've been friends for a long time,” Sara points out casually.

“We weren't always,” Ava admits softly. “We didn't get along very well in the beginning. Being under constant surveillance is a high price to pay for instant healing.”

“What do you mean?” Sara asks, curiosity immediately getting the best of her.

“I'm always with you, even when I'm away I'm always listening in on your thoughts. And our bond goes both ways. I'm afraid I might have kept you from enjoying... certain aspects of life since you've met me.”

Sara raises an eyebrow at that and gives Ava a look that makes it clear she wants her to elaborate on that statement.

“You once tried to kiss a man after our bond settled and you almost threw up on him,” she sounds apologetic, but the smile she's barely containing betrays that she does not feel sorry at all for getting in the way of Sara kissing that man.

It makes Sara smirk.

“So I can't kiss men because you don't like them. Can I kiss girls?”

“You've tried. It made you feel uneasy,” Ava admits reluctantly, turning to cast her eyes out of the window. “It made you feel something you didn't want to feel and it was probably my fault. I think maybe it made you feel jealous.”

“Angels get jealous?” Sara's voice isn't accusatory or harsh, but plainly curious.

“We shouldn't. And it does not make sense. Yet, you don't seem to seek romantic companionship anymore, I can only assume it's because you didn't want to feel like I felt.”

“We never talked about it?”

“Of course not. What is there to talk about? I'm defective. But you've kept me anyway, and there is nothing I could say that would be a good enough thank you.”

“Don't ever say that again, don't even think it, Ava. You're not defective for feeling things, you're just... you're more human than the other angels, maybe. You're extraordinary, you're special. But you are _not_ a defect. You're a miracle.”

Sara is sure, in a way she cannot explain, Ava wasn't jealous Sara could be with a girl and Ava couldn't. She's fond of her in a way she shouldn't, she cares for Sara in a way that is perhaps not allowed and maybe even dangerous.

But just with the same certainty, she knows deep down that the reason Sara isn't seeking romantic partners isn't what she feels through her bond with Ava, because she feels the bond a little even now, being the wrong Sara, and she can't imagine this being a deafening feeling. Maybe it's different for the other her, maybe it's louder. But it still wouldn't be as loud as a million other things that still never stopped her before.

There is something different, keeping her from being with someone else.

Namely, the “else” part of it.

Something is stopping her from being with someone now that her life is so deeply intertwined with Ava's and Sara has no doubt what it is, because she feels it too, even now, even a multitude of universes away, she still feels this exact same way. The lack of desire to be with anyone else now that she has Ava.

It gives her no pause or doubt, the fact that she can't even touch Ava in this reality. It's barely a factor in this bond that ties them, she's sure. If she had to guess, she'd say her counterpart is in love with her guardian angel and would never admit it out loud because, if she knows herself, she's convinced an angel would never love her back.

Sara had fun playing matchmaker across the multiverse, being her own wingman and everything, but this isn't a situation she can be the seesaw, she has to nudge it slightly, barely graze it even, she has to be the scalpel.

“Maybe,” she says, “maybe she isn't looking for something else because she already has exactly what she wants.”

Ava doesn't answer, but Sara thinks that maybe that's for the best.

  
  


The first hour of the flight is silent. While she's waiting for the plane to take off, she cuts herself fidgeting with the ticket and barely has the time to look down and see blood, feel the sting of pain starting, that it's gone. The sit beside her is occupied and Ava has disappeared into thin air once more, but Sara can almost feel her linger. It's hard for her to explain, but she knows she's not alone.

When the guy sitting next to her goes to the bathroom, Ava reappears in his seat.

“I was thinking,” she starts, knowing she doesn't have much time. “You mentioned you had a girlfriend in your reality. Is she someone you know in this universe as well?”

Sara pushes her lips together. “I don't know every person the other me knows in this universe,” she settles on an answer that doesn't really answer anything at all.

“I already told you, Sara. You can't lie to me,” Ava reminds her.

Sara turns to look out the window for a moment, then closes her eyes. She turns back to Ava with an answer on the tip of her tongue, just in time to see the man who was there before reclaiming his own seat and Ava is nowhere to be seen.

This world has been cruel to them, but at least they've met and they're on good terms, they share a mystical bond and everything, so that is more that she can say about some of the universes she's been in. She still thinks about FBI Ava and often wonders if her Sara ever left Rip, ever got over the bloodlust, ever found happiness. She knows some things will never have an answer, but still, she can't help but wonder.

So yes, this world has been cruel, putting them so close and yet just out of reach, but it has also been kind to them. It has spared them a lot of pain and anger and sorrow. Sara hasn't died because Ava saved her life. She's never known bloodlust or death.

But as kind as it has been, she's sure there are forces in place that would come between them in a heartbeat if they ever got too close. But then again, aren't they already?

Sara misses Ava so much, it's a dull ache in her chest. She now understands why she woke up in this universe feeling content and warm. The void is filled, Ava is there, this bond they share lets Sara carry her around wherever she goes. There is no loneliness, no ache. As long as she's in this universe, she can't miss Ava as much as she usually does, because Ava is always with her.

Suddenly, she dreads the moment she'll have to leave.

She dreads the ache and loneliness. She dreads the desperation and the feeling of hopelessness she was starting to feel. She dreads for this bond to be broken.

A soothing warmness spreads in her chest as soon as Ava realizes she's starting to panic, a reassuring calmness that makes her feel exactly how she feels when Ava puts her hands on Sara's chest to calm her down from nightmares. In this universe, Ava does it without touching her, but it's the same feeling, the same calmness.

Ava is there, even when Sara can't see her.

She closes her eyes and basks in the feeling as a peaceful sleep descends upon her.

  
  


It's too dark when they get to the island, so Sara books a room in a cheap hotel in Isabela and decides to catch all the sleep she can in this world where sleep actually comes easy to her, with no devastating worries or sorrows.

When she lies down on her bed, her eyes immediately drift to Ava, standing close to the window, gazing down at the street below them.

“You knew my name.”

Despite the sentence not being a question, a part of her wants to offer an answer that she doesn't really have, because, as Ava has reminded her, she can't lie without being discovered, and she's not sure she wants to anyway.

“The first time I saw you, bleeding and wounded, you almost died in Laurel's arms,” Ava tells her without turning back to her. “All I had to do was cushion the fall. She did the rest, brought you to that lair, they removed the arrows, sewed you back up, and I didn't care. I saved your life, that was my job. You didn't die, the pain you were in you could handle.”

“A lifetime away, from you healing paper cuts,” Sara knows that's where she's getting at. “From you not wanting me to feel any pain at all, not even the headaches I've been getting through inter-dimensional travel, because I woke up this morning feeling perfect.”

Ava let out a shaky breath and walks over to the bed, sitting down on the edge of it. She still isn't looking at Sara, but her hand hovers above her own until Sara turns it around and looks down at it, no trace of the cut she got earlier from the ticket to be seen.

“You knew my name,” she says again, “yet, you did not believe guardian angels could be real.”

There is still no question there, but an answer is aching to be let out. Sara sits up and finds Ava closer than she thought she would be, they're sitting almost shoulder to shoulder, their hands still close. For the first time since she set foot in this universe, she feels the longing she was so happily lacking until now, rooted deep inside her chest. Ava is closer than she's been all day, yet she isn't close enough.

“This... yearning you feel,” Ava whispers, “you never have it when we're distant, because I'm always with you, even then, and it appears to be enough. But when we're this close, sometimes, I can feel you aching for the simplest things. Like right now, your desire to hold my hand is spreading like wild fire in your soul. Our bond is dampened but you're so much worse than her at concealing how you feel from yourself, probably because you never had to.”

Ava's eyes finally move away from their hands and settle into Sara's.

“I bring you with me wherever I go, across universes and realities, Aves. And it's not supernatural, nothing like this bond we have here. The desires you feel inside me, they're always there. But because I can't touch you, hold you, they consume me. Your Sara might be trying her best to conceal how she's feeling from you, but I have no doubt you know.”

Ava closes her eyes, taking a deep breath.

“Tell me about how we met,” she asks, mostly just to get away from the topic.

Sara indulges her, laying back down and starting to tell her how they met, how they learned to work together, how they fell in love. She doesn't remember falling asleep, but she wakes up with a smile still on her lips and Ava laying down next to her.

  
  


“Is that the talisman?”

Sara nods.

“You just have to touch it, then, and just like that everything's going to be back to normal?”

“For you, yes. I'll be thrown into another universe.”

Sara dreads it. Dreads the thought of going back to the gaping hole in her chest.

“Are you okay?”

“Just one more minute,” Sara whispers. “One minute of this, of having you so close to me. One minute and I'll go.”

“Take all the time you need.”

For the first time, leaving a reality that isn't her own, comes difficult to Sara and sparks doubt and concern that she isn't sure how to quieten just yet.

  
  


//

  
  


Ava dries her tears, checks in with the Time Bureau, puts Nate in charge of the most pressing matters and then goes back to sit next to Sara in the med bay.

It's Ray's turn to be there with her, not that they told her they're taking turns, but it's easy to notice Zari, Ray, Nate and Mick won't leave her alone with her darkest thoughts. Hell, even Charlie has spent her share of time there, mostly making conversation and getting to know her properly, since she had no idea what to really talk about.

Mick is mostly silent when he's there, but he brings her beers and burgers, makes sure she eats when she's on the ship, so maybe that's why they always send him in when the rest of them are having their meals in the kitchen. Zari is the most emotionally mature one, despite not liking feelings she's quite good with others when they do, asking Ava how she's doing and always knowing the right thing to say if they've dealt with a version of Sara that wasn't easy on them. Like, for example, the last one. Ava won't forget her for a long time.

Nate talks to her about work, keeps her in the loop, lets her work from the Waverider med bay because he knows she'll go stir crazy if she doesn't put in at least five hours of work per day.

And Ray, well, Ray talks science, mostly. He talks about how interesting it is that the intervals got longer and how he suspects that while at first the artifact was sending Sara into realities based on her proximity to the artifact itself – hence the few short initial trips – now it's probably picking universes more generally similar to their own. He suspects it will eventually cross reference all this data it's gathering to pinpoint the exact reality Sara came from and send her back. Of course, as he points out, it's impossible, not knowing how many universes there are, or in how many of them Sara was in Isabela, to establish how many jumps or how much time the process is going to take.

Ava knows it's not good news per se, but it's news nonetheless and it's something they can finally understand about this whole thing, that there's a process, that Sara's getting closer and closer to being back home. So she listens to Ray talk closely, asks questions when there's something she doesn't understand, lets him talk to her because she can see how worried he is. Sara's been one of his best friends for half a decade, Mick doesn't show it as plainly but is the same.

Zari seems so damn sure Sara will be fine, but Ava suspects that it's because if she lets herself dwell on other possibilities for too long she won't be able to function at all. Pretty much, like Ava isn't. She's holding up thanks to the legends, being there, bringing her food, bringing her work, making sure she's okay.

It's been six days on their side of things and Ava hasn't left the ship for the last three. They imagine it's been longer for Sara, but they have no idea how much longer.

Ava is pacing across the room and nodding along to something Ray is blabbering about, something that has to do with Nora she's almost sure, when Gideon alerts them Sara is waking up.

They see her frown immediately, bringing a hand up to her chest, clutching it tightly. She murmurs Ava's name and only then she opens her eyes.

“Easy, easy,” Ray is closer and grasps her shoulders gently to help her sit up, because Sara all but bolted upwards.

“Ray, I can't feel her. Something's wrong, I can't-” her eyes are frantic for a moment, before settling on Ava. “You're here. But then why can't I...” she trails off and looks down at the hand still clutching her chest, confusion and panic evident on her features.

“Try to stay calm, Sara, we'll explain everything in a moment,” Ava tries to reassure her, walking to the other side of the chair, opposite to Ray's.

“Ava says you need to explain something to me,” she tells Ray.

They pause, and look at each other like they don't understand why Sara is repeating the same thing Ava just said. Sara gasps when Ray looks right at Ava.

“You can see her?”

Ray almost chuckle. “My vision's 20/20 and I'm standing three feet from her, yes I can see her.”

Sara pushes Ray away gently, turning to Ava and standing up. She brings a hand up and Ava watches as her fingertips brush Ava's cheek. She gasps and presses a little firmer against the skin, cradling Ava's face with one hand, then both.

The amazement on her features and wonder in her eyes are priceless.

She traces her thumbs on her cheekbones softly, then steps closer to her, presses her face to Ava's neck like she's never been this close to her before, inhales her smell deeply and shifts her arms around Ava's shoulder so she can press even closer, hugging her until there isn't a single inch of space between them.

Ava is confused beyond belief, but eventually hugs Sara back, still confused and looking at Ray who looks just as baffled.

“How is this possible?” Sara's question is muffled by Ava's skin. “Ray can hear you and see you, I can touch you and you have a scent. You're corporeal.”

“Is Ava not a corporeal entity in your reality?” Ray asks, suddenly curious and excited like only a scientist can get about that kind of information. “Is she a magical creature or a demon or-”

“Don't be ridiculous, Ray,” Sara chastises him, finally stepping back from Ava. “She's my guardian angel. I woke up and couldn't feel our bond.”

Ava's eyebrows shoot up and she gapes a little. “Come again?”

“Wait, what do you mean in my reality?”

“Our Sara touched a portal in our reality that sent her into yours so you're in her body until she touches the portal again in your reality and you go back there while she goes to another universe,” Ray tries to explain as quickly but as clearly as possible.

Sara thinks about it for a moment, then turns to Ava.

“Is it true?”

Ava nods, still trying to process the information Sara just dropped on her. “I'm sorry, did you say guardian angel? I can't possibly have heard that right.”

Sara traces the edge of Ava's jaw with a finger, the other hand still holding Ava's, like she has to have a physical connection with her at all times.

“It feels weird, I haven't been unbound from you for years. I feel like there's too much room in my chest,” she tries to explain, “but holding your hand lessens that. Maybe I'm too used to having you too close to me.”

“We have some sort of bond, is what I'm hearing.”

“Yes. Since you've been my guardian angel, we have a bond that alerts you when I need you, but nowadays it's rare you're not already with me. Since nobody else can see you or hear you, you're almost always by my side.”

“Well, something our universes have in common,” Ray smiles brightly, but the look Ava gives him prompts him to stop smiling and shake his head. “Just kidding, you spend a normal amount of time with each other.”

“Are we-” Sara wonders out loud, looking at Ava closely.

“I'm not your guardian angel,” Ava explains. “As far as we know those don't exist here. We are, well, romantically involved.”

Sara raises an eyebrow at that.

“This is weird. I don't know how to tell you your guardian angel is your girlfriend, sorry,” Ava sighs and shrugs.

“Well, Ray says we have to wait for your Sara to fix things on her end, so it seems we have a little time to kill,” Sara says, sitting back down in the med bay chair. “Why don't you start from the beginning and tell me the story of how we met?”

Ava notices how Sara maneuvers them so she can still hold her hand, like she needs the reassurance Ava is right beside her, and she isn't leaving her now that she doesn't have the bond to assure her she'll always stay.

“Well,” Ava smiles, “it certainly is an interesting story. Let's see, I think everything began the moment you and your team broke time.”

She finds it easy to talk about this, even with Ray there adding some details here and there, she doesn't seem to be embarrassed or weird, because she figures, if she shares a bond with this Sara, there is really nothing she can say that could be marked as oversharing.

Sara smiles and laughs, interjects with a few oh's and aw's, and never lets go of Ava's hand.

  
  


It's after Sara has fallen asleep, that Ray speaks up again.

“A universe where you're Sara's guardian angel. I can't imagine there are a lot of those.”

Ava snorts softly. “Probably not.”

“Well, if we had a way of knowing all existing universes, we could pinpoint the exact one Sara's in easily. But where would we find a record of all existing Earths?”

“Gideon? Having been to the end of time, I'd say your data must be pretty... updated?”

“I believe your assumption is correct director Sharpe. I do have records of all the Earths my creator has travelled through, those are quite a lot as of now, but even more in the future. I do believe is safe to say I could gather data from the universes I already know to assemble an approximation of all the existing Earths.”

“If that's possible, then I could built some kind of communication device that allows us to reach through,” Ray interjects with enthusiasm he's been lacking for a few days now. “Once we know the universe she's in, we might be able to speak to our Sara again.”

Ava nods, “Gideon, please work on collecting all data you can, have Zari help, please. Ray, you and Nate can use what we know about the portal to build a way to patch us through. And I'll just- I guess there's nothing I can do, is there?”

This wasn't a situation where knowing how to fight or manage a secret government organization would come in hand. She knew everything she needed for her work and more, but the inventing part? That wasn't her field.

“That's not true. You've done more than enough. You've never left her side, it's been a week now, but you're still not giving up.”

“Never. I'll never give up on her.”

“Well, then,” Ray smiles. “Let me get you a way to talk to her.”

Ava smiles weakly, but nods. For the first time since this whole mess started, Sara doesn't seem so incredibly far away anymore, yet, she still feels impossible to reach.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did someone say Guardian Angel AU? Let me know what you thought!


	9. what about all the broken happy ever afters (what about all the plans that ended in disaster)

The gaping void in her chest is breathtaking for a moment. That bond she had with the guardian angel Ava might have been faint in comparison to that universe's Sara, but it was still something mystical to her. She only had it for a day, but once she's without it the longing for home she felt before pales in comparison to how much she misses Ava now.

For the first time since jumping, the pain that usually fills her senses leaves way to this empty ache inside her chest.

She stirs and looks around, frowning at the sight of her childhood living room. She must have been sitting on the couch when she passed out. She works our some kinks in her neck while she check in the reflection of her phone's screen that she's not a teen again. She isn't, thankfully.

But, as she's staring at her own reflection on the small screen, a text comes through from her father, asking if they're still meeting at the precinct so they can go for lunch in fifteen minutes. Sara can't text back, because she has no clue what this Sara's pin might be, so she picks up the home phone and calls her dad, asking where they're going to lunch and if they can meet there because she's a little late.

A part of her knows she should have cancelled, but by now she's a little tired of rushing out of everything, especially in these universes where she seems to be actually close to herself and her father and sister are still alive. So she takes the opportunity to agree to lunch and meets up with Quentin, spends the whole time listening to what's going on at the precinct and how's being a Police Captain and how well Laurel is doing in the District Attorney's office these days.

She smiles all through lunch and enjoys just listening to him, the voice she can never forget because it's the same voice in her head that encourages her to do the right thing and be brave. Her dad is a part of her, in a way, because of how similar they are.

“So, listen,” he starts after a brief pause in the last topic. “There's actually something I wanted to talk to you about.”

“Oh-oh, that is _never_ good. What did I do?”

“No, honey, you didn't do anything,” he tries to reassure her, his voice is calm and he smiles at her, but his eyes are the same he had when Sara told him she was going back to the League after he discovered she was still alive. The look that means Sara's making a mistake and he doesn't know how to help, because nothing he could ever do would make things better.

“Just say it, dad, what is it?”

He sighs. “Just- I know you don't wanna talk about it, but it's been three weeks. Maybe you should bring some stuff over, clothes at the very least, store them into your old bedroom. Just until you sort things out,” he adds quickly, raising his hand almost as if he's readying himself to defend that statement.

Quentin is talking to her like she might break at the very suggestion. Sara tries her best not to look confused at the proposal to move back home with him, because there must be some reason he's offering that Sara isn't privy to, but she can't easily explain to him why, so she scolds her features and hums, deep in thought.

“I'm not saying it's forever, but honey, sooner or later you're going to have to contemplate the thought that things might stay like this for a while.”

Sara doesn't understand at all. Was she fired? Evicted? Why does she have to move back in with her dad?

“All I'm saying is, just think about it,” he says when Sara stays silent.

“Yeah,” she nods. “Sure, daddy, I'll think about it.”

When they say their goodbyes, she goes back to her father's, regretting leaving in a hurry before, because maybe there are some clues she's missing about this whole situation. The house seem empty, which isn't surprising, and the ground floor looks like she remembers it, so she decides to look into her own room.

It doesn't look that much different from what she remembers, there are some posters still up on the walls, her stuff is all over the place, but it's all things she had when she was a kid. It doesn't seem she's been living there for three weeks, if she's honest, the room looks like nobody has moved anything since she was eighteen. She opens some drawers and everything, her clothes, her stuff, it's all old and dusty, and nothing seems like something she'd wear now.

The only thing that looks out of place is a duffle bag on the floor. Picking inside she can see some clothes that actually look recent, some weapons, which should be weird if it wasn't her stuff she was sticking her nose into, and a closed box with a lock she has no key for.

If she really lived there for three weeks, she has lived out of a single bag, ready to leave at the shortest notice.

The explanation that comes to mind, the simplest one, is that she was living with Laurel again and they got into an awful fight and she decided to move back in with her dad. That would explain why he said she should pick up some clothes, hinting she would know where to find them.

Well, she figures that if there are more clues, they would be at Laurel's apartment. And maybe she could find some cash in her stuff, or a credit card, or anything that could get her to Puerto Rico quickly, really. It's early afternoon, so she figures Laurel should be at work. That works fine for her, because she's not in the mood for a fight she has no ammo for.

It takes her twenty second to pick the lock and a full minute to realize someone is indeed inside Laurel's apartment.

“Hey, you're home early, I was- oh, Sara!” Thea smiles at her, clearly expecting Laurel, but happy to see Sara nonetheless. She doesn't look like she's upset Sara's there, or like Laurel would be if she found out. “Did you forget I live here now? Again?”

The cheeky smile Thea gives her dims quickly when she looks how confused Sara seems to be by her presence. Obviously, she can't tell her that it's because she ruined her best What-Is-Going-On theory of the day.

“I'm sorry, of course Laurel's at work, I wasn't thinking,” Sara smiles and shakes her head, opting to feign aloofness instead of plain confusion.

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah, just a weird day. If you see Laurel, can you ask her to call me, please? Something dad said threw me for a loop and I wanted to get her opinion on it.”

“Of course,” Thea smiles again, gently, but something shifts in her eyes and suddenly she's looking at her with the same look her dad had. Worry and compassion, or something close enough to that, that Sara can't quite seem to find the source of.

“Thank you,” she starts walking out, then decides to try one last thing, “oh, I almost forgot, I didn't... like, leave anything here that shouldn't be here, right?”

Thea frowns, thinking about it for a moment. “I don't think so.”

“Okay, good. Thanks again,” she waves her goodbye and walks out again.

At least she now knows the reason she's staying with her father and not Laurel is that the apartment's spare bedroom was already occupied by Thea. What she doesn't know is why she was kicked out of her own.

  
  


She gets back to her father's house and walks into her own room again. It feels really dumb doing this, but since she needs some answers or at least some money, she resort to picking her own lock to open the box inside the duffle bag.

It gives away easily, suggesting nothing precious is inside, but it's something personal instead, and the lock is mainly a call for privacy. The first thing inside it that catches her eye, is a small velvety box. She opens it, but it's empty.

Still, the first thing she does is stretch her hands out and examine her fingers with a pounding heart, while she's trying to think what else a box like that could be for. There is no engagement ring on her left hand, but there is a ring on her left ring finger and there is little to no doubt that it's a wedding band.

It's simple, silver with a classy white gold pattern.

The other thing inside the box is a stack of photographs. The first one is of a younger Sara, standing with Laurel and their parents, smiling at the camera. The second one is of what looks like her high school graduation, then there are a few with her childhood friends.

Then, the college pictures start, first one is just her and Laurel smiling, pointing at the university name above their heads on what she can only assume is Sara's first day. There's some pictures of her and Zari, a few with Ray, Amaya, Nate. Then, one of a larger group, and all the legends are there, along with Gary, Nora and Ava. She turns it over and there's a writing on the back that says “first time we were all together” and a date. It's her own calligraphy.

From then on, it's mostly pictures of her and Ava; them smiling, them studying, them cuddling, them at the beach. Then, digital must have punched printed pictures in this reality as well, because the pictures stop. She puts them back inside the folder they were in and notices there are two pictures out of it. They must be the pictures she looks at the most, because despite missing them when she opened the box, they're easily accessible and look a little more ruined. She picks them up and her heart almost stops.

The first one is just Ava smiling at the camera, an outstretched hand towards Sara – assuming she was the one taking the picture – and a radiant expression on her face. She looks stunning, and so happy.

But it's the second one that almost gives her a heart attack.

It's a photo of their wedding day. They're looking into each other's eyes with the most loving expression Sara has ever seen in her life. Ava's dress is stunning and Sara's – well, it's everything she dreamed of. It's better, actually, it's even more gorgeous than anything she's ever imagined wearing. And it's her and Ava, so of course it's perfect.

Her eyes fill with unshed tears at the raw love and happiness she sees there.

Because what she knows for now is: she is staying with her dad but refuses to move back in completely, everyone's looking at her like she's about to fall to pieces, she doesn't want to go back to her house to pick up the clothes she has there because it would mean it's really permanent.

“Hey.”

Laurel's soft voice coming from the threshold distracts her from the dark thoughts that started creeping into her brain unannounced about what could have happened to Ava.

“Hi,” she tries to blink away the tears that have pooled in her eyes.

Her sister walks to her, sitting on the bed beside her, putting a comforting hand on her back and looking down at what's in Sara's hand.

“Thea called, saying you stopped by, looking spaced out. I talked to dad and put two and two together. Are you okay?”

Sara nods, trying to swallow the lump in her throat. She doesn't know if she should ask because there's a part of her that doesn't want to know. A part of her that wants to run far, far away and change universe as quickly as possible, if Ava really is dead here. This is a reality she doesn't want to contemplate. She just wants to bury this dread she's feeling deep down within herself and pretend she never even knew a world where something this tragic happened to her.

But, at the same time, she knows if she doesn't ask, she'll always wonder.

“What happened?” the question is chocked out and she knows it won't make sense to Laurel, because Sara's supposed to be the one who knows what happened better than anyone else, and she doesn't.

Laurel sighs, then shrugs. “I don't know, honey. What always happens, I guess.”

The answer makes Sara frown and turn to her with a puzzled look in her eyes. Laurel is trying to find a way to explain, but it's not easy, it's never easy.

“You know, the night you two met, you sent me this drunk text. I don't know if you remember, I could tell you were pretty hammered. But you texted me 'I found her'. Nothing else, just that, just that you found her. I thought maybe you were meant to text one of your friends you found another friend missing from a party or something, but nope. You took one look at her and decided she was the one,” she spoke softly and calmly, then tried to make Sara smile by adding: “of course after that you proceeded to fight over everything for two months, but still.”

She rolls her eyes playfully and bumps her shoulder into Laurel's lightly.

“I'd never seen you so happy,” her sister goes on. “You weren't a grumpy kid, at all, but you were never overjoyed either. But with her, my God, you looked like the happiest person on the planet, especially then,” she points at the picture in Sara's hand, the picture of their wedding day.

Sara looks down, too, pressing the edge of her thumb lightly to the profile of Ava's dress, tracing it like maybe she could remember touching it even if it's not her memory to have.

“The first big fight you had, we all thought it was about time you two started acting more like a regular couple and less like a fairytale one. It was about a month ago, right?”

Sara nods distractedly, but she really has no idea what Laurel is talking about. But then, she does the math. First big fight that Laurel knows of, a month before; three weeks since she's been living with her dad.

“How can something like this fall apart in a week?”

“I don't know, Sara. But if what she told you is the real reason she's ending things, there's nothing you can do about it. People just fall out of love sometimes.”

It feels like having three arrows inside her chest again. Worse. It feels like the fall: the moment she knew she was about to die and there was nothing she could do to stop it, she was powerless in the hands of fate as much then as she is now.

It's the most devastating thing Sara has ever heard.

Ava's not dead, no. She's safe and sound. She's just not in love with her anymore.

This universe, from what she can tell, seems pretty normal. She didn't die or almost die, she went to college and lived an average life, an easier life from the looks of it, she found Ava and they made things work, they got married. And then. They didn't make it.

They just didn't make it.

“I know it doesn't seem possible, but things will get better. Just give it time.”

Sara nods, but isn't listening to a word Laurel's saying, her eyes are locked on the picture still in her hands. She doesn't get it. She doesn't get how two people can love each other this much and still not make it.

She takes her wedding band off, weighting it, looking at it laying flat in the palm of her hand, like it isn't the most precious thing the Sara of this universe probably owns. She knows it is, she is absolutely sure it is, of course.

Then, something catches her eyes. There's a latin sentence engraved inside the ring: Amor Vincit Omnia. It should translate to “love conquers all”.

Suddenly, not knowing just won't do anymore. People just fall out of love sometimes, isn't good enough anymore.

“I need to take a walk, clear my head.”

She puts the ring back on, closes the box again, then bolts out of the room.

  
  


It's somewhat weird to be outside Ava's house feeling this nervous, it's been a while since she used the front door instead of opening a portal directly inside it and even then, that was her house in D.C., this is a home they supposedly shared in Star City. Finding the address was easy, a couple of phone calls and as it turns out people don't see a problem with giving you your own address if you ask them to confirm they're sending the spam mail to the right place.

She knocks twice and waits. After a few seconds she knocks again. On the third time, the door finally opens. Ava is standing on the other side of it, eyes tired and hair down, wearing sweatpants and a hoodie Sara could swear is hers. She wonders why Ava's wearing it if she's not in love with her anymore.

“Sara.”

“Hi,” it draws longer than it should for a one syllable word.

“What are you doing here?” Ava leans on the frame, the door slightly closing with the movement and Sara knows she's blocking the door, maybe subconsciously, maybe not.

“I needed to see you, I need to know wh-” she sees Ava glancing back inside for a split second and she shuts her mouth instantly because maybe the door was moved on purpose, because someone is there. With Ava. In their home. She sucks her bottom lip between her teeth and suddenly there's something like rage burning in her chest and it's a feeling that she isn't quite sure belongs to her. “I- I needed... you.”

She looks up and her eyes, she's sure, are teary again. Of all the complicated realities, all the intricate ways they always managed to find each other, this doesn't seem troubling at all. Ava is right here in front of her.

Why, then, does it feel like they've never been this far apart before?

For a moment, Ava looks like she's about to ask Sara to leave or give her a flimsy excuse as to why she can't come in. But when Sara says she needs her, Ava freezes. It's something Sara doesn't really say that often, or ever, really, but now she's here pleading Ava with her eyes for something, she doesn't even know what exactly. But Ava does. Of course, Ava does.

“Come inside?” Ava moves away from the door and opens it further.

Sara walks in and scans the room immediately, ready to tackle to the ground whomever is keeping Ava company, but the only thing she sees is a bottle of whisky on the coffee table and an open photograph book beside it. Ava didn't want her to see that she'd been wallowing, apparently. She walks over, shuts the book and picks up the half empty glass, bringing it to her lips before walking slowly in Sara's direction again.

“Are you okay?”

Ava pinches the bridge of her nose and an incredulous, empty chuckle emerges from her lips. “Of course that's the first thing you ask.”

“What is _that_ supposed to mean?”

It makes her blood boil, that Ava's mad about her being worried for her wife's wellbeing. Like Ava doesn't think she deserves to be put first. Like Ava is mad Sara won't let herself be pushed away without a good reason.

“Just- be mad, Sara! Fucking yell at me, we've gotten good at that. Or are you here to finally tell me you hate me and that you've never loved me, that what we had wasn't real, that I've wasted half your life-”

There is a moment, Sara can't exactly pinpoint the word, but it's somewhere along the sentence Ava is saying, there's a moment she goes into autopilot. She's not into another reality, she's not talking to an Ava that isn't hers, she isn't looking for answers and a ticket to Puerto Rico. She's Sara Lance and Ava Sharpe is doubting their relationship being real, and that's really all she can focus on, everything else fades away instantly.

“What we have is _real_. You're the realest thing I've ever known, Ava.”

The five steps separating them seem to take Sara no time at all to cross, and suddenly she's gripping Ava's shoulders in her hands firmly but not forcefully.

“Look at me,” she pleads when Ava's hand shoot up to cover her own eyes.

She shakes her head, regretting her words, regretting giving Sara room to argue, probably. Maybe regretting letting her in in the first place. But Sara waits, until Ava looks at her and her eyes are so sad and desperate, it's a look she's seen before. Whatever drove this wedge between them, Sara doesn't believe for a second it's because Ava doesn't love her.

“I don't know what happened to us,” she whispers, her voice as confused as it is sad. It's not meant as a question, it's more of a thing Sara needs to say to herself because she can't manage to figure out how they got here.

Ava keeps looking at her, tracing a line from the edge of her right eyebrow down to her cheek and chin, then closes her eyes for a brief moment, shaking her head like she's trying to shake off something.

“I told you. It's not you, Sara, it's me. And I can't- we can't be together anymore,” she tells her, detaching herself from Sara and walking back to the coffee table slowly, she puts down her glass, then turns again, keeping her distance and crossing her arms over her chest.

“Why?”

Sara walks to her and gets ahold of her shoulders again. It's not forceful, but it's firm, and it feels like she is holding Ava together and up, instead of keeping her still, and maybe that was the point in the first place, maybe that's what she meant to be doing in the first place.

“Because I'm not-” she rushes out, then stops abruptly. Sara has heard that sentence before, she knows how it ends. _Real_. “Because I can't love you the way you deserve to be loved.”

“Bullshit,” Sara scoffs. “I don't know if this is about being a clone or about something that has to do with your work but-” she stops when she registers Ava gaping at her and realizes what she said. Her heart plummets to her stomach.

“How would you possibly know that, Rip said nobody knew but him, he said you especially could never find out.”

“Oh. Wait, _this_ is why you tried to leave me? Wow, for once the crystal actually did us a favor, didn't it?”

“What? What crystal, what are you-”

“I know you're a clone because I was with you in a factory in 2213 when you found out.”

“That's not possible, it's ridiculous, I-”

“It's the truth, it just wasn't this reality. I'm a time traveler from another universe, I touched a portal in Puerto Rico that's been sending me through different universes and I need to go there and touch it again so you can have your Sara back.”

Ava keeps staring at her for a long moment, then she shakes free from Sara's hold and grabs the bottle of whiskey, forgoing the glass altogether, and takes a long sip out of it.

“I need your help to get there, Aves. I don't even know what jobs we have, I had to trick a call center salesperson into giving me my own address. I've been going around all day with everyone looking at me all sad and I was living with my dad and didn't wanna pick up clothes from our home. Jesus Aves, from the way everyone was acting I thought you _died_.”

Her voice trembles on the last word and she has to choke out the sentence forcefully.

“The clone thing,” she goes on, “it's life altering, and I can't imagine what you've been going through in the past month, but your Sara, she won't care. I know I didn't, baby,” she smiles and steps closer to Ava. “And she'll remind you every single day you're real, for the rest of your life if you let her. But you have to _let her_. Tell her, let her decide, because believe me, she'll chose you every single time.”

“How can you be so sure?” Ava asks in a raspy, teary whisper.

Sara smiles again and walks the rest of the space between them, taking Ava's hand and bringing it up to gently trace the wedding ring Ava's wearing.

“Because love conquers all.”

Ava looks down at her own hand and considers what Sara is telling her for a long moment. She nods, eyes still downcast, and promises to help.

  
  


She sleeps through the flight, thankfully, because these are becoming the only sleep hours she's getting and she feels like she would go stir crazy even faster if she became sleep deprived. Ava has agreed to come with her because they're not sure if this universe's Sara will know where she is and how to get back, so Ava is there to take her.

It's a good plan, of course, but the closer they get to the clearing, the more anxious Ava gets.

“What's wrong?”

“Nothing,” the answer comes to quickly. Sara raises an eyebrow. “Well, I took every opportunity to pick a fight for a week and then told you I needed distance and made you move in with your dad, and I'm about to tell you I'm a clone. I'm scared. That maybe... you won't forgive me. That maybe pushing you away worked.”

“It didn't. Laurel caught me snooping into your Sara's stuff and she didn't seem the least bit surprised I was spending my afternoon staring at pictures of you, so I don't think she's over you, at all.”

“She might not be over me but that doesn't mean she'll forgive me.”

“Then make her,” Sara tells her simply. “Make her listen. Fight for her. For us. We're real, and we deserve a happy ending.”

Sara doesn't have to tell her she's starting to worry she won't be able to get hers, she doesn't have the heart to. She just basks in Ava's determined expression, then keeps making her way to the hollow tree.

“Sara?”

She turns around again.

“You fight for us, too.”

Sara smiles and nods. “I will. Always.”

She means it. She'll keep fighting until it kills her, or until it brings her back home.

  
  


//

  
  


“What happened?”

Ava almost startles. Sara's voice is rough and dry.

She helps her sit up and drink some water, slowly, until she's sure Sara isn't thirsty anymore. Then, she helps her back down again and holds her hand.

“Where am I?”

Ava starts at the beginning and explains what is happening and why Sara is there, she explains the artifact, the dimensional jumps, the consciousness swaps.

Sara is obviously shocked, coming from a world with no superheroes and time travel, but she recovers quickly and tells Ava a little bit about her universe.

Ava catches her looking at her own hands and frowning, but if there's something that doesn't feel right, she's confident Sara will talk about it on her own, without Ava pressing her.

She asks Ava to talk about herself and Ava can't seem to see the harm in telling this Sara a little more about their universe. So she tell her how they met, they work they do, what they've been through, her struggle with being a clone.

Sara seems fascinated by this adventurous life she's apparently leading here, but expresses no interest in living a similar one herself. In fact, she seems quite eager to go back home so she can see her own Ava again.

She tells Ava about how they met third year of college, got engaged two years after that, and have been married ever since. Seven years, they've been married. And they've been the happiest couple on the planet, until about a month before. Now they're on a rough patch, and despite her family and friends trying to get her to see reason, Sara is sure they can work through it. Ava saying she can't love her like she deserves is just so incredibly silly to her, because Ava loves her exactly like she needs her to.

Ava tells her about how she tried to push Sara away too, when she found out she was a clone, and even though this doesn't seem the case since they're from a universe with no time travel, Ava probably just needs time and space, and then she needs Sara to get through her defense again, in the annoyingly good way she always manages to.

Ava holds her hand even as she dozes on and off, even after Zari has come into the room to sit by their side for a while, she keeps holding Sara's hand, wishing there was something more she could do to help. But, for now, this is all she can actually help with.

  
  


 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m sorry this was so late! I was never in the right headspace to proof read it, I’ll try to update more regularly from now on!


	10. I've moved further than I thought I could (but I missed you more than I thought I would)

She wakes up in a bed, a comfortable, warm bed. There's no shrieking alarm, no voices jolting her awake, no insufferable discomfort due to pain or white light flashes. It feels like waking up on an average day, was it not for the fact that she definitely didn't fall asleep there nor is this her own apartment.

Despite that, she stirs and sits up, grabs some clothes from a drawer and after changing out of her pj's gets to the kitchen, looking around the place without much attention. There's coffee and her favorite brand of cereal, so she has some breakfast and wonders if this is actually her place.

Then, she sees a note sticking to the countertop.

_Don't forget our dinner plans._

Well, whomever that note is from is going to get pissed off soon. Hopefully, she'll be in Puerto Rico by then, so it won't matter.

“Sorry, other me. You'll have to deal with that pissed off person yourself,” she murmurs to herself as she moves around the place.

There aren't a lot of personal effects, so it must either be temporary or brand new. Either way, it seems like a nice enough apartment. Her phone, since things can never be that easy, is password protected. Which, would be fine, if not for the note currently sitting on the counter. She knows that handwriting. She knows it and she can't bare the look other her will have to endure if she doesn't show up for whatever dinner plans they have.

She's tapping her phone on her hand, trying to decide what the best course of action is, when there is a rustling at the front door and a very distressed Ava walks inside, looking worried out of her mind. Without saying a word, she walks to Sara and hugs her tightly, letting out a breath she probably didn't even realize she was holding.

“What happened?”

Sara frowns. “What do you mean what happened, I just woke up and had breakfast. I haven't even set foot out of the apartment yet, so I think it's safe to say literally nothing happened.”

Ava stares at her for a moment, then looks down at their hands, bringing up her other one so she can hold Sara's in both of hers. Her confusion only seem to grow.

“Can't you feel it? Something is happening to us, to our connection.”

Sara's first thought is “oh no, another guardian angel situation” but she quickly realizes Ava is actually holding her hand, so she's very much corporeal.

When Sara just looks at her like a deer caught in the headlight, Ava grabs the collar of her shirt and gives it a slight tug downwards. A soft gasp follows.

“Your tattoo.”

“Uhm?”

“Your- Sara, it's gone.”

“Tattoos don't just vanish, Ava.”

“Don't you think I know that,” the panic is getting more and more clear in her voice and Sara doesn't know what she's talking about or if she'll believe her, but she knows at this point the only way to calm her down is probably tell her the truth.

“Look, Aves, I'll be completely honest with you, I have no idea what you're talking about. I don't know if you'll believe me, but, the truth is... I'm from another reality. I was in Puerto Rico when I touched some sort of portal and it sent me through realities, I'm just trying to get back home. To get back your own Sara we have to go back to the portal so I can touch it again and she'll be back in a second.”

Ava keeps looking at her, alternating between her eyes and her right clavicle, then their hands. Sara squints at her because something is definitely off with this behavior.

“Wait, it doesn't make sense. My scars are gone, because the only thing that jumps is my mind, how can a tattoo be missing?”

“Because it's not just a tattoo, Sara. You mean, this universe you're from, you don't have soulmate tattoos?” Ava seems baffled by the notion. “How would you manage to find your soulmate without one?”

“Well, sheer dumb luck mostly. Wait a moment, _soulmate tattoo_?”

For a long moment, the only thing she could begin to think was “no” and nothing else. But thinking about it, was this more impossible than a guardian angel? Or this whole thing, really, being thrown into a different universes daily?

“We're born with them. It's just a name, it doesn't exactly tell you who your soulmate is and where to find them, but it'll give you a nudge, so to speak,” Ava explains, unbuttoning the cuff and tugging up the left sleeve of her shirt.

There, in her own messy handwriting, was the name _Sara_ written in black, thick letters.

“So that's why you rushed here? This... bond we have, faltered? And you thought-”

“I thought you died, or” she stops herself, but Sara picks up on the change in her demeanor immediately.

“Or?” She asks. “Ava, or?”

“Or,” she relents, “I thought maybe it just vanished.”

“Didn't we _just_ establish that tattoo don't vanish?”

“Yes. But,” she sighs. “You weren't born with yours.”

“Didn't you say- maybe you're explaining this wrong,” she challenges, because Ava has never explained anything wrong in her life, and she'd be damned if she started now.

“Your tattoo, it appeared after you- well, there's no easy way to say this, but since you're from a universe where you can jump through realities, I guess you'll have to believe this. After you died and were brought back to life.”

“So I wasn't born with one, but I got one after the Lazarus Pit?”

“You know about the Laz- uhm, basically, yes. So you...”

“Yeah, I've been resurrected, too,” she says like it's no big deal.

“Your sister and father, they weren't thrilled. You weren't exactly yourself when you came out of that pit and the name appearing, they thought it might mean there was a soulmate for how you were back then. The name wasn't even in writing, it was faded, like scar tissue. When you got your soul back, it became what it is today.”

“Okay, it seems fair. I died, so I didn't meet you in that life time, then when I was re-birthed the mark appeared.”

“You make it sound like it isn't a thing that has only happened to you in all of known humankind, Sara,” Ava smiles at the way she took all this information in stride. “Or, maybe it happened a handful of times, but nothing really heard of.”

“Mh. Well, either way. Want to come with me to Puerto Rico, see what an inter-dimensional portal looks like?”

“I won't let you go on your own, that's for sure. I'll just have to reschedule dinner,” she sighs, already fishing her phone out of her pocket.

“Oh yes, I saw the note, what's that about?”

“We had dinner with your family planned. But we can do it on the weekend, it'll be fine,” something about how Ava waves her hand tells Sara this wasn't just any dinner, but she decides not to press.

“So, tell me about how we met?”

Ava groans, sighs, but complies. Turns out, everything's pretty much the same, except maybe how things progressed a lot quicker when they realized they had each other's name. Still, they seem happy and that's the best thing she can hope for.

  
  


//

  
  


Ava and Zari are talking about possible gifts they can get Nate and Gary for handling things at the Time Bureau during this whole Sara crisis, when it happens. They see it appear before their own eyes. One moment everything is perfectly still and normal and a moment later a patch of Sara's skin on her right clavicle is turning disturbingly red. Ava moves the tank top aside, thinking that at least she can prevent the tissue from rubbing against the irritated skin, but a second later, they're looking at a name appear on Sara's skin.

It's Ava's handwriting, neat and clean, unmistakable.

Zari snorts. “She got your name tattooed in your handwriting, what kind of universe are we dealing with? The 'ya basic' universe?”

“This doesn't make sense. A tattoo shouldn't transfer with one's conscience. Gideon, can you call Ray, please?”

“Already did, director. And you are correct, what you're looking at does not appear to be an average tattoo. The ink appears to not be ink at all, but biological matter.”

Sara stirs and goes rigid for a moment, before opening her eyes. She relaxes again when she sees Ava standing close to her, but then frowns, taking in her surroundings.

“I can't feel you,” she whispers, mildly panicked. “Our-” she stops abruptly when she something catches her eyes.

Suddenly, she's sitting up, grabbing Ava's left arm and pulling up her sleeve.

“It's gone, your tattoo's gone, Ava. Can't you feel our connection fading?”

Sara is looking at her with desperate, pleading eyes, and Ava has no idea how to calm her down, she has no idea what Sara's talking about.

“Sara, you're in a different universe,” Zari starts slowly, then proceeds to explain everything that happened going into the few details they know until Ray gets there.

“So, these tattoos we have...” Ava prompts.

“Soulmate tattoos, yes. The name of our soulmate is written on our skin in their handwriting. Do you not have them in this universe?”

Ava looks at Ray and she doesn't have to say what she's thinking for him to nod.

“Can't imagine there being many universes like this, with designate soulmates,” he starts taping on the tablet he's holding, then frowns. “Well, okay, that's a lot. Let's narrow it down to the ones Ava is your soulmate and... oh, great, that's all of them, so that does not help us _at all_. Well, then let's narrow it by the ones where you have a tattoo, then where you have the name tattooed. Ah, yes, this is better,” he smiles, eyes still fixed on the screen. “Okay, can you give us some personal information that would help us pinpoint your own universe?”

“Well, I died, if that helps,” Sara shrugs.

“This helps a little, yes.”

“And the tattoo appeared after I was brought back to life.”

“Oh, now we're talking. Three of them left. Anything else?” Ray asks, and Sara seems to be thinking about it for a really long moment, but she's coming up with nothing. “Wait, do you have a pet?”

Sara shakes her head no.

“Okay, do you own a car?”

“No, but Ava does. We share.”

“You, Sara Lance, come from Earth-52161,” Ray announces with a smile. “Now, we just have to change some settings and,” the tablet makes a sound and he looks up at Ava, smile huge, handing her the tablet. “Here you go. I'll hold it for you, just put your fingertips on the screen and it'll use them to reconstruct an hologram of you into the other Sara's reality. Gideon is using the program I've created to tap into that universe's phone towers and track her location. You shouldn't be more than a few steps away. Good luck.”

Ava sighs, not sure she just understood everything that's about to happen, but pressing her hand to the tablet anyway.

  
  


//

  
  


She's pacing the living room, impatient to leave as soon as possible. Ava is on the phone with Quentin, when there's a buzz a few feet to her left, when she turns, another Ava is standing there, in a white shirt and blue Time Bureau pants she's seen a million times before.

“Ava?”

“Sara. Wait, are you, uhm, my Sara? We probably need a code or something. Have you been jumping through multiple universes?”

Sara's eyes light up. “Yes. Aves, I can't believe you found me. Wait, how did you-”

“When you jump, the other you from that universe gets transported into your body. We've been gathering data about the multiverse and let's just say, there is only one Earth where we have soulmate's tattoos of each other's names, yours appeared after resurrection, we don't have pets and share a car.”

“Bummer. Would have liked at least three or four of those,” Sara chuckles lightly. She can't believe this is actually her Ava. “I miss you so much,” she chokes out. “I'm tired and these places I've been in, they're all so different from home. I don't think I'm getting any closer, Aves.”

“Nate says the artifact is using something as a focal point. Something constant in all these universes that keeps attracting you to them like a magnet, it could be something that you want back. It could be your dad, or Laurel,” Ava suggest after a moment of hesitation. “Or it could be a place.”

“No, Laurel wasn't always there, nor was my dad, and I've been everywhere from D.C. to Star City, to Isabela. There is no constant, there's-”

Sara sees her, then, on the background. The Ava of this universe, talking to her own father on the phone and chuckling to what she has no doubt was a poorly executed dad joke. When she realizes Sara's looking at her, she points at the hologram with a quirked eyebrow and mouths “how?”, Sara just shrugs. Ava continues talking to Quentin and, when Sara turns, the hologram of her Ava is staring at the other Ava as well, frowning. It must be weird to see yourself like that, especially with all of Ava's history about clones.

“There is one constant,” Sara says softly.

Ava turns to her, an earnest, grateful expression on her face.

“In the FBI, when I was a pirate or a princess, even when I was a teenager, the only person who was always there, who always believed me, even that one time we didn't know each other and she was mad I touched her precious artifact she was researching. My guardian angel, my soulmate.”

At first, Ava is listening with rapt attention, no idea what Sara is about to say. But as she goes on, it becomes apparent who she's talking about.

“It's you. You're the focal point, Aves. Where all the light converges.”

Sara doesn't immediately understand why Ava seems crushed by the news. Isn't it super romantic and cheesy? Shouldn't she be kind of happy to be the thing Sara wants to get home to?

“I've never left your side for more than an hour or two at a time, I've been here with you for at least five days, only stepping out of the room to shower or eat. I can't be closer than this, Sara. It means, there is nothing I can do to help. If I'm your focal point, I'm already as close as I can be, it's just a process of elimination at this point. But with the number of universes-” Ava shakes her head. “Ray says you're on Earth-52161 now. That seems so far away, even if the numbers are arbitrary and don't necessarily gives us a clue of how close you are, just the sheer number of universes we're together in, according to Gideon's data-” Ava sighs. “I just want to help. And there's nothing I can do, there's nothing that Ray or Nate or Zari won't do a million times better and I'm going crazy thinking you're out there on your own.”

“You've been by my side the whole time? What about the Bureau?”

“Gary can handle it. You need me, sometimes I'm the only person who can calm you down, like when you were a pirate or with Ver-” she shuts up mid word.

“Vertigo. Yeah, that was awful,” Sara whispers. “Listen, you're already helping. Maybe not me, but all the other Sara's that pass through, and not to sound gross or anything, but the only thing that keeps me going is the thought of coming back to you. I was the one who got into this mess in the first place, Aves, there's nothing you can do to get me out. But just knowing you're there, and that you guys are trying, that's actually already helping. And at least now I know that I have to focus on you to get back, so I'll try to do that before touching the portal next time.”

Ava nods, but it's not convincing.

“I'll tell Ray what you told me and maybe we can figure out something else to actually help get you home faster.”

Sara smiles and nods, but something heavy settles inside her heart.

“I love you.”

“I love you too, Aves.”

She thinks back to the wedding ring she had been wearing just the day before, even if it now seems like a lifetime ago. She wonders if, maybe, just maybe, it's possible that it's true. If maybe love can truly conquer all. Or if there are some things, some awful, despicable things like being trapped in the multiverse, that can never be conquered at all.

“Aves, if I never make it back, I want you to-”

The hologram fizzles, then vanishes. Sara closes her eyes, cursing herself for starting a sentence like that, a sentence she might never get to finish, with those awful words that might just be the last thing she ever says to the love of her life.

  
  


//

  
  


“What happened?!” Ava asks the moment the room around her disappears again and she's standing once more in the Waverider's med bay.

“We don't know. Maybe the energy required to power the connection fried the tablet I've build,” Ray grimaces, looking down at the half burned device still in his hands.

“Is Sara okay?” Zari asks immediately.

“She is, she's safe at least for now. She told me the only constant, the thing she encounters in all these universes, it's me.”

Ray nods, humming. “Yes, we should've thought about it. Okay, I'll try to calculate the number of universes where she might be send in next.”

“I don't think you want to know that number, Doctor Palmer,” Gideon says grimly. “Rather, may I suggest you focus on a way to establish a similar connection to the one you tried today, but using the portal as a beacon? You might be successful in, shall we say, lure Captain Lance's conscience back into this universe.”

“Well, that sounds complicated. We can try!” His chipper personality gets the best of him once again, as he immediately goes off to work.

Ava sighs, sits back down next to a very confused Sara, and does the only thing she can, trying to get this Sara as comfortable here as possible, even if her time here is already running out.

  
  


//

  
  


“What were you about to say to her?” Ava asks, having overheard the last bit of conversation between Sara and the Ava hologram in her living room.

Sara sighs, then turns. “You heard her. She's been by my side the whole time I've been gone. Of course I was about to ask her to go back to living. Her world can't stop because I've made this dumb, huge mistake touching something I shouldn't have. I want her to move on.”

“How long-”

“It doesn't matter how long. Don't you see? Earth-52161. It means I might have to do this for the rest of my life, it means I might be trapped here forever. I don't want her to wait forever, hell, I don't want her to wait another day. She loves her work, she's so damn good at it. I don't want her to lose herself just because I'm lost too.”

“If you think she'll give up on you, you don't know me as well as I thought you did. She'll never stop looking for you. She'll find a way to get you back, just give her some credit.”

Sara snorts a little at that, despite her grim mood.

“Yeah, I heard how she was bossing my crew around, so that's something at least, right?”

She can only hope that, however long it takes her to go back, it won't be too late that she's ruined the lives of all the people who are still waiting for her.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, finally some plot advancement!! Yay! Thank you so much for sticking with this so long, headed towards the end soon! Let me know what you thought if you'd like!


	11. did you see them going off to fight (the children of the barricade who didn't last the night)

She's dying.

She doesn't immediately realize how or from what, but the fading edges of her consciousness leave little to no doubt about what is going on with her, she would probably know this even if she hadn't felt it before. And she had, a couple of times.

But, as she looks up and sees the clear eyes of the love of her life looking down at her, she imagines there would be worst ways to die.

Sara has led a turbulent life, a dangerous one at that. She's seen things, done things, she's not really proud of. There is so much about her existence and the lives of the people she loves that she would change if she could, so much that she would undo. She has regrets – who wouldn't in her place? – but even those terrible things that happened to her and to her loved ones, even the unspeakable guilt she carries, she thinks it was all worth it. To see everything she has seen, to do every extraordinary thing she's done, and to love this woman, this amazing, perfectly flawed woman who she carries in her heart, always. Even now. Even dying.

“Keep your eyes open, Lance. We're almost there.”

Her lips are dry and breathing hurts. And somewhere, somewhen, there is a universe made just for them, made out of happiness and light, where everything is just right.

She hopes, when she closes her eyes next, maybe she can get a glimpse of that. If the universe is kind enough, maybe she can peek into the happiness that slipped right through her fingertips in this life of hers. Oh, how happy she was. She wishes she had more time, but it's okay. She had enough, she had a taste of that forever she had always craved.

She only hopes, she hopes Ava can be okay without her.

“Don't leave me now, Lance, please.”

That voice. Well, she wouldn't mind if that's the last thing she hears in this life.

“I'll never leave you, Aves,” the amount of energy it takes to say the words should be an indicator that she's further gone than she thought. “I'll always be with you, even when I'm gone.”

Ava, who's carrying her bridal style, looks down to meet her eyes. Sara's are already slipping closed, a faint smile on her lips, and the thought that finally, finally she's going home.

  
  


When Ava falls to her knees, the sudden blow jolts Sara awake, but she keeps her eyes closed still, too drained to open them again.

“She's A.R.G.U.S.,” someone is saying.

“I'm not,” Ava protests. “Please, I won't ask to stay, I know I'm not welcome here, but I need help, I need you to save her. Please, I need you to save her,” Sara feels herself being gently laid onto the ground, then her hood slips off.

There's a gasp. Someone knows her.

“What did you do to her?!”

“Nothing! We met a month ago, we teamed up, were ambushed five miles from here, she wanted to find you, she said you would help with a plan she has. It's okay if you don't believe me, I'll leave if you just promise to save her.”

“No,” Sara chokes out. “Aves, you can't leave me.”

Nothing else matters to her but this: if she has to die, she wants to do it with Ava being the last thing she sees.

She slowly opens her eyes to see Ava's looking down at her with desperation. She watches as Ava raises her gaze again and extends her hand.

“Please. I did not do this to her.”

A moment passes, then she sees Cisco Ramon looming over them, taking Ava's hand. His eyes go vacant and a moment later he turns and nods to someone Sara can't see. He crouches down, touches Sara's shoulder next. He gasps, makes a strange sound, then recoils a moment later.

“What the hell was that?!”

“What did you Vibe?” she now recognizes Barry's voice more clearly.

“I'm... not sure. A lot of things.”

“What do you mean a lot of things?” Ava asks.

“I changed while we were fighting,” Sara knows her own voice is weak and raspy, but she's fighting to keep her eyes open and it's all she can do to actually explain. She remembers now: she was safe and sound next to her soulmate and then she was in a battlefield, blood flowing around her. “I'm from another reality. I don't know what happened, when I came to my senses those men were shooting at us and a couple of bullets hit home.”

“She was shot five times,” Ava supplies, then looks down at Sara again. “What do you mean you changed?”

“I told you, from another reality. Touched a portal, sent me to another Earth, touched it again hoping it would send me home, and again, and again. A lot of times. Here I am.”

“Wait, wait, so you're another Sara and you're not a healer? Why in _hell_ would you jump between me and those flying bullets if you're not a self-healing meta-human, Lance?! What were you thinking?”

Sara smiles, looks up at her while feeling Cisco's eyes on herself and she realizes he knows the answer from her memories.

“Couldn't let you die,” she says to Ava weakly.

“Every vision I just had, and it was a _lot_ of them in a very short time,” Cisco tries to explain, “was of you. In every reality she was with you. You're not just an AVA, you're-”

“My soulmate,” Sara thought back to the last reality she was in. “Ava Sharpe.”

It was basically what her own Ava, her hologram at least, said to her: filtering the universes where they weren't soulmates wasn't useful, because there were none. If she has to die, Sara is oh-so-glad that she gets to die knowing that.

She must look like an idiot, bleeding out on the ground with a smile on her lips, looking up into the stunned eyes of the woman she loves. But it's okay. It's okay. Ava's safe, she can let go, now. She can close her eyes, now.

  
  


The beeping from her left wakes her up and she feels something puncturing her skin somewhere near her left forearm, while something applies pressure on her whole right hand at the same time. She turns to the beeping an sees Doctor Caitlin Snow drawing blood from her arm, that explains the puncturing at least.

“Don't take too much, I've lost a lot,” Sara tries to joke, a small smile on her lips.

“I need a sample for production.”

Sara frowns, but doesn't have the strength to ask for an explanation.

“I would have worked faster, but _someone_ wouldn't leave your side,” she shoots a disapproving look on Sara's other side and she turns slowly, seeing Ava sitting next to her bed, holding her hand in both of hers. That explain the pressure, then.

“You said I couldn't leave you. And you did save my life, so I wasn't keen on disregarding your wishes,” Ava explains.

Sara wants to smile because of course, even in a place like this, Ava's still Ava.

“You risked your life, coming here. She could have died for nothing if we just shot you on sight like Mr Queen does,” Caitlin says darkly, and Sara sees her put her blood sample inside a strange machine she's never seen before.

“Shoot you on sight?” Sara chokes out, horrified.

“The AVA's are the government way of pacifying us,” Dr Snow explains. “We didn't know she was different until Cisco touched her,” her eyes move to Ava and Sara can see the concern, the worry she might have killed someone innocent on instinct if she hadn't been carrying a wounded person in her arms. “But then we saw you, and when we recognized you, we heard her plea. She doesn't sound like one of them.”

“She is,” Sara says, forcefully, proudly. “Ava's a clone, that's not a shameful thing. She's special though, because she feels things and she's free.”

“Not by birthright,” Ava says before she can stop herself. “I've fought for my freedom, it almost cost me your life. That's not a price I'm willing to pay. I've left the wrong side of this war because I wanted to save meta-humans, if you die then I've already failed.”

“How did you find me?” Sara asks, mostly to keep her mind from slipping back into chaotic pain and restlessness.

“You heal yourself, but that doesn't mean you're always healthy,” Ava says in a tone that is almost chastising her. “I found you dehydrated and starving in a small cave, hiding from A.R.G.U.S. same as I was. I had food and water and you had a plan,” she says like that's everything you could ask for in a world like this one. “You could tell how different I was and the more we talked the more you seemed to trust me, until we were ambushed. Then you put yourself between me and the soldiers and I thought it was so smart, because you'd heal. Except,” she frowns, looks down at her hands but the blood isn't there anymore; it still seems like Ava can still see it despite having washed it away, like a ghastly echo remains. “Except you didn't heal. You kept looking at me and saying my name, I dealt with those soldiers, dragged you out of there, and I- I was so sure you were gonna die, Sara. There was so much blood. I tried to stop it, brought you here.”

“And just in time,” Caitlin says, breaking Ava's story. She picks something out the machine Sara's blood was placed into and it looks like the sample was used to produce more blood. Caitlin immediately places the transfusion. “We can't save you,” she says lowly. “I patched you up but that wound could open up again the moment you walk too fast or too far, even if it stays closed we don't have any antibiotics and it already looks infected.”

“The only tissue I had was my own jacket, it was covered in sand and dirt. I'm sorry,” Ava looks worried and regretful.

“What you did saved her life,” Caitlin says. “If we could teach you how to use the powers you have fast enough... but it'd take days, weeks. Our only hope is the hollow tree Cisco saw.”

Sara nods. “She needs to be back before her body dies. How far from Puerto Rico are we?”

“Far, too far” Ava says. “I crossed the border bringing you here, to the wastelands in the East. If we had a plane we could be there in seven, eight hours. But as it is now, we have no way to cross the sea.”

“Actually,” Caitlin sighs. “Maybe we do.”

What Caitlin explains to her next, is surreal to Sara. Apparently, there was a global net that allowed people to teleport from node to node, but most of it was destroyed in the war, at least inside the border and in the US. But Cisco Ramon, Sara's current favorite engineer, has restored Jacksonville's node. If they can reach it quickly, it can take them to San Juan before A.R.G.U.S. can realize they used it. It would take them less than a hundred kilometers away from Isabela. If they can find a car once there, Sara could make it.

That's a big, huge, if. But as things are, it's their only path.

“I can't come with you, people here at the camp need my help. Cisco will take you to the node and make sure you get to San Juan, Mr Jefferson can come with you, help you if you encounter trouble, but I doubt we can spare more than one sentinel.”

“Jax's here?” Sara's eyes light up for a moment, until she gets weak again and the light dims quickly. “Wait, if he's a sentinel, then Stein...”

She doesn't have to finish the sentence. Jax and Stein walk in bickering like they used to in her world as well, and she suddenly feels a knot in her throat. After seeing Laurel, her dad, all the people she's lost. She wonders if maybe there's a place, somewhere, a reality where she has them all still with her, where they're all happy and together and safe.

They're arguing if it's prudent to trust an AVA and Sara, whom they only know through Oliver and Laurel, when Cisco walks into the room and tells them they need to leave as soon as possible.

It's only when the four of them are on the back of a truck that the discussions sparks up again, with Ava in the front, driving the truck, and out of earshot. Sara's firm voice – as firm as possible coming from a person who's pretty much about to pass out – makes them shut up again.

For the first time, she finds herself wondering if dying in this body will bring her home, revert the jump, or if it'll just kill one or both of them. Possibly both, but probably the other Sara's gonna make it just fine. It's just her. She's the one who's gonna have to die, here, so far from home.

Which, wouldn't be the worst thing in the world, if she was sure Ava was going to be okay. But there hasn't been a goodbye, there hasn't been another hologram, nothing. And she's not sure this Sara could learn how to love her. Maybe, with time, she hopes. Still, she's sure nobody could ever love her Ava as much as she does. But, it'll have to do, it'll have to be enough. Somehow.

She drifts in and out of consciousness and ends up being completely unaware of how they've been driving around town for, but eventually they make it to the node, only to find there's a patrol guarding the building. They have either to kill them or go around them, Cisco evaluates. She sees Ava tense up and immediately something feels off about the whole thing.

“Half of A.R.G.U.S. is looking for me,” she says. “The AVA who wants to be free,” the last word leaves her lips as a scoff. “Like anyone's even really free anymore.”

“Then we'll have to sneak in. I'll distract them, you bring them in,” Cisco says to Jax and Stein.

They say something, maybe argue more, Sara isn't sure. She drifts off again and when she forces her eyes open Ava is carrying her in her arms again. Her eyes don't stay open for long, but she can hear Ava and Jax argue.

“It'd be faster if you just let me carry her.”

“I got her,” Ava insist.

A pause.

“You barely know her, why are you risking getting caught for her, anyway?”

“Because of the way you look at me. Or Mr Ramon looks at me, or anyone really. Because Sara never even thought about shooting me on sight, even before I offered her water and food and nursed her back to health in a stupid tiny humid cave in the middle of nowhere.”

Another pause.

“She'll never feel this way about you, you know? _Our_ Sara.”

Maybe it's the way he says _our_ , maybe it's how Ava's body goes rigid, maybe it's just that she's so tired, so bone deep tired. She doesn't know exactly what it is, but suddenly the world feels colder, and she feels too far gone to make it through.

“I know, Mr Jefferson. It doesn't matter if she never cares for me the way I care for her. I'm glad I could get the chance to feel this feeling, to walk this path. The fact that it was lonely doesn't make it any less meaningful, or beautiful. I'll always be grateful I had my chance to be human, I wouldn't trade it for anything else.”

Sara turns her head to bury her face against Ava's shoulder. She doesn't want to listen to this anymore, because there's too much she wants to say but doesn't have the strength to explain, there's too much left to say. And there is so little time left for her.

  
  


When she wakes up again, she's in the back of a car.

“We're almost there, hang on,” Ava's voice sounds so worried, but it feels so distant.

She's been napping with her head on Ava's shoulder in the back seat. Jax and Stein are in the front seats of the car, but they're not bickering anymore.

“Aves, if I don't make it-”

“You will, Sara. You have to.”

“If I don't make it, my Ava will probably look for me. There's something you have to tell her for me, please. I didn't get the chance to, last time we spoke, and I need her to know.”

“You'll tell her yourself, because I'm not letting you die.”

“Ava, please. Just- just in case.”

Ava hesitates, but nods. She knows the two men are listening, but if she can't have privacy, she'll have to make do with this because she can't go with her heart this heavy: it's going to anchor her down to Earth forever if she doesn't lift this weight somehow.

“I want you to tell her... she made me the happiest I've ever been. She gave me peace during war more times than I can count, she made every place we've been to look happier even when we were fighting battles we weren't sure we'd win. I didn't think I would ever get a love like ours, someone who would love me with no fear, or terms, or obligations. Someone I would love so stupidly much. I want you to tell her- I _need_ you to tell her, it wasn't worth less because she was a clone, if anything it was worth more; she defied her own designing for this love of ours and nothing could ever make me love her more than I do. I don't love her despite the fact that she's a clone, I love her partly because of it. Because of how strong and how special she is. Tell her it was worth it. Every day, every fight, everything we've been through. Tell her I wish I could have a thousand more adventures with her, but the ones we had were still the best part of my life. She was the best part of my life.”

When Sara looks up, a few tears have fallen from Ava's eyes and are trailing down her cheeks. If she had the strength to lift her arm, she would wipe them away. But she barely have the strength to say the last thing she has to say.

“And you... you're like her, you know? You're strong and special and you're worth it, Ava. You gave the other me peace during war.”

Her eyes are too heavy to stay open much longer, but she's said pretty much everything she had to, so she can sleep some more, before they get there. She hopes she can make it to the tree again, because she meant what she just said. She wants to have a thousand more adventures with Ava, she's not ready for this to be the end yet.

She has to make it. She has to.

  
  


“And if Cisco and Felicity shut down the conditioning program A.R.G.U.S. is using, all AVA's will just shut down? No more pacificators around to chase down metas?” Jax's voice is the first thing Sara hears when she regains consciousness.

“Exactly,” Ava confirms.

“Why can't we tell her, again?”

“She won't let you go through with it if you do,” Ava explains.

“Why not?”

“Really Jackson?” Stein sighs.

“Because of me,” Ava says. “Because once you reprogram every AVA to fight A.R.G.U.S., you'll reprogram me as well, and who knows if I'll still be free to be me, or if I'll become just another mindless clone. Maybe whatever defect's making me... well, _me_ , maybe it'll be wiped out, formatted away like for every other AVA.”

“Not a defect,” Sara murmurs. “A miracle. My m- my miracle.”

For a second, in her blood loss induced haze, she thinks maybe this is good. Maybe she can die here, in a reality where Ava's erased, so that Sara and her Ava can still have each other, so that neither of them will ever truly feel that devastating loss.

Then she process what it means. Ava is going to be erased. If she doesn't do something, right now, Ava is going to be erased.

“Promise me you won't,” she chokes out.

“We have to,” Ava says softly, moving some damp hair away from Sara's forehead. “I have to. It'll save you, it'll save so many people.”

“It might kill you,” Sara manages to make her words have some bite. Not a lot, but some. “Worse. It might erase you.”

“Then it'll erase me. I have to try.”

“Why?”

“You know why,” Ava whispers. Her words are choked and her voice trembles a little. “You know why,” she says, firmer.

She does. Sara knows why. Everyone knows why except maybe this world's Sara.

“Your reason for doing this, it's exactly why you shouldn't. What makes us human if not the ability to feel? You are. You're human.”

“Maybe so. But what kind of human am I if I don't sacrifice myself to save countless others?” Ava asks.

And Sara knows she's won. She knows there is no counter-argument there. She knows she would do the same thing. It still doesn't make it easier, or fairer.

  
  


They're not far now. She knows they're not, because they've ditched the car. They're not excessively close either, because they've stopped to hide away from some soldiers tracking them.

She's been left hidden between a rock wall and some trees while Firestorm and Ava got rid of the soldiers, but she must've slipped in and out of consciousness a few times, because the loud noises of them fighting seem gone all of a sudden, and she feels like time has stopped.

She's dying.

She knows she is.

That is why she isn't all that surprised there is an angel trying to lead her away.

She's met an angel before, and just like it happened then, when Sara tries to touch her, her hand goes right through the woman.

“Aves.”

Sara wants to plead, wants to demand she keeps looking at her. Because it's this. It's here and now. And as she's thought and said a few times before, this is how it should end. With Ava's eyes being the last thing she sees.

“I tried... my best. I love you.”

“I love you, too, Sara. That's why you have to keep fighting. Don't you remember? When did a Legend ever go quietly?”

 _Oh_. It's not an angel. It's a hologram. That makes much more sense.

“You have to keep fighting just a little bit longer, my love. You're so close to the hollow tree according to Ray's triangulation and I can see Firestorm flying to you right now. He'll take you there, you'll be okay before you know it. But you have to keep fighting, Sara.”

“I'm... so tired.”

“I know, I know. But you have to fight anyway. You have to fight a little bit longer so I can fight for you for as long as it takes.”

“Aves?”

“I'm here, my love.”

“Aves, I need you to know. If I don't-”

Her speech is long, and she has so much to say. So much. But she can sense it, the edge of her vision's going dark and she's just about gone. There's no more time. She has too much to say, but she just has to hope Ava will know anyway, because, as things are, she can say very little to none of it.

She hopes, maybe, somehow, Ava will still know. How much Sara loves her, how much she meant to her, how perfect it has been to her, the time they've had. And if there is a universe where everything's just perfect, she hopes she gets to see a glimpse of it when she closes her eyes one last time.

“Sara,” Ava's trembling voice brings her back for a moment longer. “What do you need me to know?”

Sara smiles a little. Nothing helpful, nothing that can save her now. But this thing she needs Ava to know, it might just be the most important thing they've yet got to learn.

“Love conquers all.”

  
  


Why is she still in pain?

Isn't that supposed to go away after dying?

She considers the possibility the pain actually stays, but quickly remembers it didn't the first time around, so why should it now?

“Wake up. We're here.”

She's in Ava's arms again. She's limping, her left leg is massively bleeding, but she's still carried Sara to the hollow tree. Her cheek is red and her right eye is closed by blood or a wound, Sara isn't sure.

“Firestorm is holding them off, I needed to bring you here before you-” she stops. Swallows. “I needed to bring you here. I need you to stand, now.”

Before Sara can beg her not to, Ava has put her down on her feet, although she's still holding most of her weight with her own body.

“I need to let you go. Ava- your Ava, she said we don't know what might happen if I'm touching you when you touch the portal. We can't risk it, so I need you to touch it when I let you go, okay?”

She helps Sara as close as possible, she stretches her arm for her, and prepares to catch her as soon as she'll fall.

“I'm going to let go on three, okay?”

“Don't leave me,” Sara begs pitifully.

“I have to.”

“You don't. Find another way.”

“I can't touch you while you're jumping, Sara. I can't-”

“ _No_ ,” Sara says as loudly, as strongly as she can. “Don't erase yourself. I need you, she needs you, Aves. I can't imagine any life without you, I don't think she can either. Tell her. Please, tell her you're in love with her.”

“I... can't.”

“You _have to_.”

“No, I _can't_ , Sara. Felicity, Cisco and Caitlin are rebooting A.R.G.U.S.'s servers right now. I won't see her again. I'll never get to see her again. I have a few seconds, and I need to save her before I go, okay? So please, please, when I let you go on three, touch the portal.”

Sara almost wants to argue, to fight.

“If you don't, we'll both die. Just let it be me, Sara. It has to be just me. Just because my love for her was temporary, doesn't mean it wasn't real, so don't make it count less. Don't make it _not_ matter. If I could've, I'd have loved her forever, but I can't. This is how we save the world, this is how we save meta-humans. This is how I save _you_.”

Sara shakes her head, because it's not fair. It's not fair.

“So, on three. One. Two.”

They never get to the three. Ava lets her go and Sara never hears the end of that countdown. Ava never says it. She's just standing there, eyes empty, like she's been shut off. It's barely half a second, Sara sees her as she's about to jump away and her hand touches the portal a millisecond later. But she knows, she knows it's an image she'll never be able to forget for as long as she lives.

She'll never be able to forget the Ava who didn't get to say goodbye.

  
  


//

  
  


“When you'll go back,” Ava explains, “there won't be a war anymore.”

“What do you mean?”

“The meta-humans will have won. When I was there, Ava – the AVA you met – explained what was going on while they were going to the portal to change you back. They hacked into A.R.G.U.S.'s systems and reprogrammed all the AVAs clones to fight on the side of the meta's. They'll turn against the few A.R.G.U.S.'s operatives in charge, whom they were meant to protect. They'll be killed by their own bodyguards.”

“No, they can't do that. Ava, the Ava I know, she's not just a clone. You're not just a clone. What will happen if- if they're all reprogrammed?”

Ava looks down. “There is a chance that the only AVA with a consciousness, a freedom of sorts, will be erased. That was deemed an acceptable sacrifice.”

“By whom?!”

“By her. She was the one who came up with the idea and explained how to execute it to Felicity and Cisco. She wanted to do this, Sara.”

“Why?” the desperation in her voice was almost too much.

“You know why.”

Sara shakes her head. “No.”

“You know why,” Ava says again, softer, calmer.

When she holds Sara's shoulder to calm her down, when Sara looks up into her eyes looking for answers, Ava can see she's right. Sara knows. Maybe she even has for a while. Maybe she didn't want to believe it to be possible.

“I need to talk to her. I need to stop this.”

“You can't, Sara. She won't be the same when you're back there. She's gone.”

She, of course, isn't really gone. Not forever. Not in the way all the other people in Sara's life have gone. But she'll be just another AVA. She'll be there, but not really, because she won't be the person who saved her life. The person who has been by her side these last few weeks, making her life seem easy for the first time since she's been on the run. Making life seem worth living even in that hellscape they call home.

“I need her to know. I need her to know I loved her back. She can't go without knowing I loved her back.”

Ava has never seen Sara this scared. The thought truly is terrifying to her.

She has talked to her counterpart, briefly, while Sara was unconscious and she was carrying her, she walked beside them until the connection between their universes faltered and faded, and Ava has told her enough to know she believed Sara would never love her back.

She knows, and not even subconsciously, but plainly knows, that the words that are about to come out of her mouth are a lie. She says them anyways.

“She knew. She saw it, and even though you didn't get to say it, she knew.”

Ava can't give this Sara her Ava back. She can't save her, she can't do anything. But if she can give her this small peace of mind, as false as it is, then she has to do so, no hesitation.

“She knew,” Ava lies. “She had to know,” she nods, as if to point out to Sara how absurd it is the thought that she might've not known.

Sara nods back. She seems calmer. Set. Like she knows what she has to do, now. Her fight, Ava knows, isn't over. The war might be ending but there is still a lot to do. And there is nothing else they can do to help them from this universe. So she just has to let her go.

She tries not to think too much about the Sara she sent off with a lie.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was my favorite chapter to write I think, or at least it was up there, I hope you enjoyed it and if you feel so inclined I'd love to hear what you thought! :)


	12. there's something lonesome about you (something so wholesome about you)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some of you asked for a Western AU, and this is not really an in-depth dive into that specifically, but I wanted this setting because it was fun to write and I hope it'll be fun to read. Also, plot progression, yay! 
> 
> If you feel so inclined, let me know your thoughts.

She expects to feel better than a moment before, because she's not dying anymore. She doesn't really feel that much more alive. Her head is pounding and her stomach feels like someone shuffled her insides.

Opening her eyes is a struggle and she barely manages to sit up before having to pause again.

“Oh, I'm gonna puke. Or die.”

“Ah, a whole bottle of cheap whiskey and fist fighting six men might have something to do with it,” someone says less than helpfully.

Sara presses a hand to her temple and tries to slowly look around. She's in an old and rusty holding cell. And, judging by the clothes she's wearing, she's nowhere close to home.

“Nate?”

“That's Deputy Sheriff Heywood to you.”

Nate is wearing a vest over a shirt and old pants, a cowboy hat and a holster on his belt to complete the look and Sara feels like this is going to be somehow even more complicated than the last few realities she's been into. She's in a holding cell in the Old West with no way to get to where she needs to go, at least no way that is fast enough.

“How long am I in for?”

She gets up, not easily but she manages, and steps toward the bars, looking Nate with a quirked eyebrow.

“Not long,” he says. And for a moment Sara's mind wanders off, thinking about where she's going to find a horse and a map, how she's going to get south fast. “Sheriff will be here soon, your transportation is already arranged.”

“Transportation?”

“Are you still drunk? You're going East. Sheriff wanted to deal with you first hand, but you're wanted somewhere else a lot more than here. Safer jails, so we've been told.”

“Ah, yes. East.”

So maybe she could take the ride, after all. She'd still be closer and whatever her transportation was going to be it was probably a hell of a lot faster than walking. She just had to escape once they were near the place she was going to be taken.

“So, this Sheriff. Is he old and rusty like his prison?”

Nate laughs and shakes his head at her.

“You _are_ still drunk. Don't get me in the middle of this feud you have, just because you're the one losing it.”

Sara frowns, but doesn't press further. Mainly, because she doesn't have to. It's not long before the door swings open and she walks in, and everything about her, every last detail about her, would be so, so perfect in every other scenario Sara's mind can fathom but this. Her worn out pants, her white shirt hidden under a black vest, the dusty coat she's wearing, the way her hands grip the belt of her holster, her hat. Everything is right out of a fantasy.

“Ava,” she murmurs softly.

“Sheriff Sharpe,” Nate touches his hat in greeting. “Your prisoner's awake, so we won't have to drag her outside.”

Ava's smile is made of pure satisfaction and victory, and Sara would find it sexier if those sentiments didn't come from her defeat, but it's still hot as hell.

“Well, well, well. Lance, finally right where I want you.”

Sara is so caught up in staring at Ava that she barely hears Nate saying “Were you saving that line because she was passed out when you locked her in yesterday?”

Ava was standing there, confident, calm, everything Sara remembered her to be the first time she tried to arrest her.

“Sharpe,” Sara can't help but smile a little. “Couldn't wait to see me?”

“Can't wait for you to be behind bars you can't escape. Handcuff her,” she orders to Nate as she steps sideways and moves out of the way. “Time to go, little bird.”

She frowns, but doesn't ask. She lets Nate handcuff her and lets herself be escorted outside and on a carriage. To her surprise, there's another prisoner traveling with her. There's a name on the tip of her tongue, but she doesn't dare utter it, in case they've never met in this reality. Nora is there, handcuffed, and Ray is helping her get settled in.

“Av- Sheriff Sharpe is going to keep an eye on you two, I'll manage the horses for the first day. Do as she says and you'll be okay,” he says the last part softly to Nora before jumping off the back.

There are a few seconds of silence, then something happens outside, because Ava's voice comes through, harsh and unsettled. Whatever her protests might have been, they don't seem to work: a moment later two men are jumping on the back of the carriage. Rip and Bennet are dressed neatly, their hands gloved, but they're not wearing the same golden star Ava had on her coat. And by the way she had been arguing with them not to come along, she doubts they're her deputies like Nate and Ray.

Whatever Ava had been planning for the two of them, this puts a wrench in her plans. Sara doesn't know if she's relieved or worried. Rip looks at her intently before sitting down, Bennet assesses both her and Nora with great attention as well. Sara isn't sure she likes a world were Rip and Bennet might want to actually save her and set her free.

A few moments later, Ava jumps in and they take off, miles of desert and dust ahead of them.

  
  


The ride is silent, but not pleasant. Ava is sitting on the edge of the bench on one side of the carriage, Sara on her right and Nora at the other end of it. In front of them, Rip and Bennet sit quietly, their eyes ever so often darting to Sara and Nora again.

Ava's hat is low on her eyes, Sara even thinks maybe she's fast asleep, which, knowing her, it would be absurd.

“So, Mister...?” Sara breaks the silence when she decides she can't take anymore of it.

“Bennet. Of Bennet's Savings. This is my associate, Mister Hunter.”

Sara smiles at them, nodding to Rip. “Nice to meet you. What brings you here?”

“We have to travel East, got some business to deal with down in Oklahoma, reckoned since you're going through Kansas you could drop us at the border. Sheriff wasn't happy to have two gentlemen traveling with criminals, but my horse has fallen hill and I couldn't find a quick replacement,” Bennet explains.

“I offered mine, of course,” Ava mutters, setting her hat a little higher so she can look at him. “But the brave man he is, he had no qualms traveling with _criminals_ ,” she repeats the word he said stressing it out.

“Miss... Darhk, is it? Are we truly expected to believe you dwell in the dark arts? We're men of science, we understand you're innocent,” Rip explains. “Scape goat, 'cause of what happened with your old man. Nasty business, he got into.”

Nora's polite smile and nod tell an entirely different story to Sara, but she doesn't know enough to argue with Rip about this.

“And you, Miss Lance,” he goes on, “well, all poor men know you only steal from who has too much and return everything to who has so little, keeping almost none of it to yourself.”

Nice, she's the Old West own Robin Hood. Really cool. But why, then, two well dressed men like them want to free her? To help her?

“What is it they call you?” Bennet asks, rhetorically. “The Canary?”

“Oh, yes, I reckon this little bird just can't be kept in a cage,” Ava shuffles forward until she's sitting on the edge of her seat. “And you know what they do, the canaries. They smell the danger before anyone else. One whistle from them has men running for their lives,” her voice is low and somewhat threatening. “Not you, of course,” Ava shuffles back again, a smile hiding the menacing words she just uttered.

“No, of course. But miners,” Bennet says. “Lesser men.”

“Wiser men,” Ava mutters quietly, the hat going back down to cover her eyes again.

  
  


They come to a stop when the sun starts coming down on the horizon and Sara and Nora are encouraged by Ava to proceed outside. They set up a fire, eat some dinner, then Ava gets up again on the pretense of stretching her legs, and starts talking to Ray in hushed words, while Bennet and Rip do the same on the opposite side of the fire.

“I can read you the future,” Nora offers when she sees Sara frowning in Ava's direction.

“Pardon me?”

“In the card, if you want,” she takes out her tarot cards. “I can read your future for you.”

That catches both Ava's and Rip's attention, the four of them turning to the conversation. Sara sees Ava subtly shaking her head to advise her not to accept.

“Sure,” she says with a smile, just to annoy Ava a little bit.

Nora shuffles the cards, has Sara cut the deck, then starts turning the first one.

“Let's see,” the first card is Death and Sara starts to regret her decision immediately. “There is a lot of death in your past. Loved ones, a parent, a sibling perhaps. But, it would seem, even your own. This isn't always literal, mind you,” she adds, noticing the impossibility of it.

But Sara knows, in her case, it is quite literal. Death of her father, sister, her own, are all in her past. She wonders if Nora truly does have magic in this universe, too. If these tarots are her own and not this universe's Sara. That sounds too absurd even in her own mind.

“Your present, not surprisingly, revolves around being trapped. A prison of sorts is holding you, it has been for a while. Something larger than metal bars is trapping you and you aren't sure you can escape.”

Okay, so maybe Nora _did_ have magic.

“And your future, your longing for the home you've lost,” the last tarot turns and Nora gasps. She covers the cards quickly, shuffling away the deck. “You _will_ get to where you're going. As long as you don't give up, as long as you keep fighting.”

“But?” Sara presses. That look in her eyes, that gasp. Sara knows she's seen something.

Nora shakes her head, her eyes darting to Bennet quickly before she looks at Sara again.

“We should settle for the night,” Ava says. “I'll take first watch, Ray. You and our guests sleep in the cart, we settle out here, in the open. So we're sure our prisoners won't set off with our horses,” she explains, looking at Bennet and Rip with a polite smile.

“Oh, please let us keep watch,” Rip offers immediately. “After all you've done-”

“You're not a Deputy, Mister Hunter.”

“But I do work security for Mister Bennet. We can look after them, so you can rest,” he tries again. “And if something were to happen-”

“No need to do my job for me,” Ava declines politely. She moves the edge of her coat and Sara clearly sees her gun coming into view. “I'm quite sure I can protect the three of us. The back of the cart, gentlemen. Now.”

For a moment, Sara wonders if maybe Ava has no intention of getting them to the prison Nate has told her about. But Ava would never do that, execute them like that. Certainly not with witnesses. And Ray – sweet, naive Ray – would never stand for that. But whatever her reasons are for wanting to keep watch, Sara knows she just said goodbye to her chance of escaping for the night, so she might as well at least get some sleep out of it.

Ava helps setting two large rags over the ground, so she and Nora can lay safely close to the fire, not close enough to get burned. Ava sits down, near Sara's head. She hears Nora thank her quietly but fondly before settling down in her own makeshift bed.

Sara closes her eyes, suddenly tired out of her mind. “Night, Aves,” she murmurs before she can stop herself.

It's only a few moments later, when Sara is almost asleep – she could swear she imagines it, really – that Ava pushes a few strands of hair away from her face and whispers back: “Goodnight, little bird.”

  
  


The morning comes and Ava wakes her gently, as she does with Nora. They put everything away and then get inside the cart again, this time Ray in the back and Ava driving them. They go faster, even if a little bumpier. By midday, they're at the boarder and Bennet and Rip are invited off.

“You know, actually we might have some business in the-”

“Mister Bennet, I think this is when you reckon your plan has failed.”

“What plan, I don't-”

“Mister Bennet,” Ava says again, harsher. “Leave and I won't look into the Jiwe's gold. A fair compromise, yes?”

He falls silent, glances at Sara one last time. “If I ever see her again-”

Ava laughs bitterly at him, stepping closer. “I know you're not threatening her. Because if you were I'd have to investigate you, Mister Bennet. And your bank. Step away, and consider sending an affiliate of yours to deal with your businesses in my town from now on. Good day, sir.”

Bennet seems enraged, but he eventually nods. Ava turns, closing the tent on the back of the cart, leaving Nora and Sara alone with Ray this time. They take off again, fast. It's only after another hour of travel that they stop again.

“Wait here,” Ray says, before stepping down.

There are voices outside, not arguing but discussing. After a few moments, Ava gets on the back of the carriage again. She walks slowly, stops right in front of Sara. Ray get on right after her. Something is happening, Sara doesn't know what but something's about to happen.

Ava moves her coat aside, much like she did to threaten Bennet the night before. Her colt comes into view and Sara is going to be so pissed off if this is why she doesn't get to go home.

“Ava-”

Her hand skips over the colt, Sara's blood running cold. She grabs something from her belt sitting just behind the gun, however. A moment later, Ava's on her knee in front of her, her keys rattling together as she unfastens Sara's handcuffs and throws the keys to Ray so he can deal with Nora's.

“My apologies. It was supposed to be just until we left town. We had no idea Bennet would try that. It was so stupid, Sara! Stealing from him for Amaya's orphanage.”

“He stole it first,” Nora said. “You know the gold came from dirty business in the first place, that is why he backed off when you said you'd look into it.”

“It still got the two of you arrested,” Ray countered. “But it's no use to argue now. We've made up our minds. Haven't we, Sheriff?”

Ava nods. “Why don't you stay in the front for a while? Nora, you can seat with him, I know you don't like dark spaces.”

She smiles at Ava, squeezing her hand as she passes her by on her way out. Ava has such a soft spot for her best friend, Sara loves her all the more for it.

Soon, they start up again and Ava takes two steps away so she can feel one of the wood boards and lift it up. There's a sachet hidden there, on the bottom of the carriage, apparently. She accesses it easily enough and puts the board back in its place.

“Some of your accessories, and your gun,” she throws it to Sara. “I don't want to argue about this again, please.”

“What are we arguing about?”

“Us running away.”

“ _What_?”

“There is no prison. This is the plan, Ray's plan. It was now or never. We're going East and then South. We can live somewhere nobody will ever find us. I don't care about being Sheriff if it's of an unjust system I cannot change. Nate has promised me he'll do his best with the city, but you and I need to start over somewhere your face isn't on a hundred wanted posters.”

“Aves-”

“Don't you know I want this, too? I want us to be together in a place we can be ourselves,” she whispered, moving towards Sara again.

How could Sara ever say no to that?

“There is just one thing I need to do first.”

  
  


They say their goodbyes to Ray and Nora; it's easier if they go through borders alone. They have plans to meet again in a place by the sea once Sara has done this thing she has to do. When the time comes they have to part, Nora takes her aside.

“You will make it home. But before you do, you'll have to face an impossible choice, and suffer a terrible loss. If you can make it through the worst of it, you'll get to the best of it.”

Sara frowns, but nods.

“So she is telling the truth,” Ava comments, a few feet behind her. “About this coming from another reality nonsense.”

Nora looks at her, then back at Sara. “Ah, yes. That makes sense, that explains it. Well, may you travel safe. And may you make it through.”

She nods to her, then hugs Ava quickly. They set off with the cart, leaving one of the horses behind for Sara and Ava.

Ava gets up first, helping her get on the saddle, behind her. Sara hugs Ava's waist without giving it much thought as they set off. After a while, she gets used to the lulling movement, she rests her head on Ava's shoulder and closes her eyes, letting the sun soak her skin, wondering if Nora was referring to the last universe she was into, where she lost Ava, where she got erased.

But it couldn't be, could it? She said the loss had yet to happen. Sara isn't even sure she can take any more loss than she already has.

  
  


She must have dozed off because when she wakes up they're approaching what she deems to be a dock. Ava helps her dismount, then trades the horse for a boat, with the promise to reverse the trade in a few days when they cross back.

Ava, to her utter surprise, knows how to handle a boat. It's tiny and rocky and Sara hates every minute of it, so she explains to Ava exactly why her skin is so green whenever she's near the water, just so the time will pass faster.

She sleeps, then manages to keep the small boat going while Ava does the same. She doesn't wake her, she knows she hasn't closed her eyes since before they set off, with Bennet so close the night before and riding all through the second night, so she lets her sleep.

When Ava wakes, Sara asks her to tell her how they met. How she became friends with a fugitive. Ava smiles the secret smile Sara knows like the back of her hand.

“I tried to catch her. So I had to investigate. And learn what she was doing and why. It didn't seem fair to arrest her after I knew that the feared Canary was feeding the poor and the homeless.”

“So you let the little bird fly free?” Sara smirks.

But Ava smirks right back, boldly. “I caught her in a different way, perhaps. One that lets her keep flying.”

Sara almost swoons. Between the look and the confidence she's quickly growing fond of this Ava, despite knowing they're almost where they're headed.

  
  


The distances might be shorter in this universe, or perhaps they travelled quicker, because they get to Isabela the very next day, marching to the hollow tree side by side.

“Aves? Thank you. For everything you've done for me, and for your Sara.”

Ava nods, smiles. “Travel safe. I hope you find what you're looking for,” she touches her hat and her eyes are have a familiar softness in them.

“Hopefully soon,” Sara sighs. “Bye, Aves.”

She kisses her cheek, then jumps away.

  
  


//

  
  


“We're monitoring her jump right now,” Ray informs her. “We're isolating the wavelength signature of the artifact and based on the last jumps she made from universes we detected, me and Zari were able to discern a pattern. We need a few more data, but eventually we think we could reconstruct the wavelength of our own universe artificially.”

“That's good news?” Ava asks, a little confused.

“Oh, it's very good news! If we're able to recreate it we could manipulate the artifact, insert our own wavelength.”

“Are you saying what I think you're saying?”

“We could help Sara, bring her back home. But this is all hypothetical, of course. But we'll get right on it and try to see if there's something we can do.”

Ava nods enthusiastically.

“Let me know if I can somehow help.”

Finally, after days, weeks of being able to do nothing but wait, nothing but hope, finally some long awaited good news.

 


	13. I'm happy, nothing's going to stop me (I'm making my way home)

_There is a universe – Sara doesn't know for sure, but there has to be, somewhere, somewhen, a world where they're together, safe and sound. Where they wake up everyday wrapped up in each other and they never go to sleep mad. Where life's easy and they're happy. She can feel it sometimes, deep in her chest, in those moments Ava hugs her tight and soft and she can finally breathe, that there's a universe where she never has to hold her breath._

This one? This just so happens to be it.

  
  


When she opens her eyes, Sara does so with dread for what she might be faced with next. By this point, she actually expects the worst. She isn't sure what's next, probably she's some kind of wicked witch of the multiverse or maybe she's ended up in a reality where Ava is trying to straight up murder her.

But instead, when she wakes, the room is quiet and dimly lit, the only source of light is coming from the fireplace they've dozed off in front of. She's lying on a makeshift bed made out of blankets, a sofa cushion is her pillow and another blanket is laid on top of them.

Ava is snoring softly next to her, or rather, she's doing that thing she does when she's so fast asleep her breathing gets heavier than usual and she forgets her self imposed rule of taking up the least possible space in a room so she actually makes sounds that aren't solely aimed at communication. Sara calls it snoring just to annoy her, but she cherishes that Ava gets so comfortable around her she acts like Sara isn't even there, or actually, she acts like Sara is supposed to be there, like she's welcome there.

Her heart rate picks up because no, this isn't her Ava. But for a moment, she isn't on another Earth, so far from home. For a moment, Sara's just Sara, Ava's just Ava and the fireplace is the furthest thing to exist. It's just the two of them, just them.

So Sara rolls over, snuggles up into Ava's arms, and falls asleep with her head on Ava's chest like she's done so many times before, listening to the familiar pattern of Ava's heartbeat.

  
  


The fire must expire at some point, because it's slightly colder when she wakes up. But the cold isn't what makes her stir. Ava has shifted from under her, she has moved away the blankets and is gently picking Sara up into her arms.

Sara snuggles closer, tries to hang onto her as best as she can in her half asleep state.

“Aves?”

“Go back to sleep, love. We fell asleep in front of the fireplace, I'm getting you to bed. Your back will thank me tomorrow.”

There's a kiss on her forehead, gentle and sweet, and then she's on a bed. Definitely softer than the floor. A weight settles beside her and suddenly there are arms around her. Sara knows this isn't her Ava, but the sleep and tiredness win over and she falls asleep smiling for the first time in what seems like a very long time.

  
  


The sun warms her skin, there's a pleasant feeling all over her body, like warmness and happiness is engulfing her completely. She opens her eyes slowly, calmly. There is no headache, no pain, no ache, she's not dying or almost dead.

She stirs slowly, deliberately, and when she turns over she find herself half on top of Ava. Strong arms are immediately around her and she's half tempted to go right back to sleep.

This is when it hits her.

It's not her Ava. This isn't her life. This isn't home.

She tries to roll over again, away from the warm body beside hers this time, but Ava grumbles in her sleep.

“It's Saturday, let's just sleep in.”

Hands in hers, gentle but quick, bring her back down. Sara looks at their fingers intwined together and sees the matching golden bands on their left hands. So she gives in, lays down again.

Ava plays with her hair, keeps her close to her chest as she does. Sara can feel her heartbeat, so loud, so alive.

There is nothing she has ever wanted more than she wants to be home in this moment. Because the second she tells Ava the truth, she'll have to move. Get up. Get out. Do this all over again, but somewhere else where they hate each other or miss each other or one of them is dying. And this is so warm, it's just a pity she can't stay.

“Aves, there's something-”

The door cracks open and there are quiet voices and Sara barely has time to lift her head from Ava's shoulder before two small kids are sliding beneath the blanket.

“You two are up early,” Ava chuckles. “Sam, your knee's on my belly,” she scoops up the smallest one, and lays her back down between the two of them.

Sara thinks she's probably barely three. The other girl is bigger, Sara's guess is eleven or twelve, she immediately settles between them on her own and cuddles up to Sara, closing her eyes again.

“Morning,” she mumbles.

“Good morning, light of my life,” Ava teases her, then kisses her head.

“Amy woke me up,” the smallest kid complains.

“Did she?” Ava sighs. “And why, prey tell, did you wake your sister up?”

“Because it's Saturday and when we're all up mama makes pancakes and I want pancakes so I woke us all up.”

“Machiavellian,” Ava dryly comments. “Get some more sleep. Me and mama will start on the pancakes.”

Sara nods, swallowing trickily. Sounds like a good idea. Whatever gets her away from the kids currently referring to her as “mama” sounds like the best idea, if she's honest. So she gets up, and follows Ava to the kitchen.

As Ava starts to get out everything they need for pancakes, Sara starts distractedly meshing the ingredients together, still thinking about everything else going on. Once the mixture is ready they leave it to rest in the fridge and Sara hops on the counter, sitting on it.

Ava chuckles, walking to her.

“You know, sometimes I feel like I have four kids,” she teases, one eyebrow going up.

“You don't seem overly mad about that.”

“How could I, when you make me so happy?”

Sara sighs, circling Ava's shoulders with her arms as Ava sneaks between her knees, circling her waist with her arms and drawing Sara closer to the edge of the counter and to herself.

“Hey, let's play a game,” Sara starts, not sure where she's going with it. Ava raises one eyebrow and smirks. “Not _that_ kind of game,” she scolds. “Describe our lives to me. Pretend I'm like... pretend I'm someone who just moved next door and you have to introduce yourself.”

Ava laughs. Sara shoves her shoulder lightly, then drags her close to her again.

“Okay, okay. I'll play your weird game. Hi, I'm Ava, I'm a lawyer. I... don't keep loud music so you won't have to listen to that? And, uhm, I don't know, I would probably bring snickerdoodles over, if I went to introduce myself.”

“Of course you would,” Sara chuckles. “Now me,” she requests.

“Oh, and this is Sara, my gorgeous, beautiful, weirdo wife who makes me do weird, confusing role-plays?” Ava teases her. “But it's fine because she's a doctor, so she saves a lot of lives and that makes up for the craziness.”

Sara swats her arm. “And how did you meet your gorgeous wife?”

“I was in law school with her sister, we became really close friends and her little annoying sister started hitting on me whenever she saw me and we started dating when she started college and wasn't a brat anymore.”

“Hey!” Sara swats her arm again.

“Stop hitting me,” Ava chuckles, hugging Sara closer and bending down to kiss her shoulder. “And then we fell _madly_ in love, got married when she graduated and when she started her residency on the best hospital in the country she told me she'd understand if I broke up with her, that she almost gave it all up to be with me but that if we were meant to be we would make long distance work without her having to give up her dream.”

“Sounds smart, too, that gorgeous wife of yours.”

“Wanna guess what I did?”

“You found a job in the city she was moving to.”

“I found a job in the city she was moving to, and I worked my ass off. When she finished her residency I was making too much money in corporation law and I felt like I sold my soul to the devil so we moved back home where she saves lives and I work as a public defendant attorney for underprivileged kids.”

Sara doesn't know how she knows this, but suddenly she is certain the two girls upstairs have been adopted out of the system. She's as certain of this as she is of her own name.

“We have three kids,” she whispers.

“Yes, adopted in the last two years. One of them had the good instinct of locking his room, or his sister would have woke him up too.”

Sara knows the kid's name is Remi and he's sixteen and that's why he's the only one with key privileges – only when he's alone. She knows Amy's twelve and Sam is three. Suddenly, she feels like she remembers this, almost, if she tries hard enough. She can almost fathom the sound of Remi laughing and Sam screeching and Amy debating at the same time while she's driving a car to their school. It's all weird and faded, and she knows why.

These memories aren't her own.

She lets her head fall on Ava's shoulder, tears suddenly forming in her eyes.

“ _How I wish I could stay_ ,” she finds herself thinking. “ _Just so I could rest for a while_.”

“Hey,” Ava sounds suddenly worried, she makes her look up, a finger under her chin. “What's wrong, baby?”

Sara shakes her head. “You're gonna think I've gone crazy. You won't believe me.”

“Sara, I'll always believe you. Especially when you tell me something that almost makes you cry. What is going on?” Ava's voice is gentle, not demanding, just like Sara remembers it to have always been.

So she says it all. She tells Ava she's from another universe, she's a time traveler, she touched an artifact that brought her in a world where she and Ava weren't together, then in one where they were pirates, then princesses, then one where they didn't know each other; in a universe they couldn't even touch, in another they had yet to meet and Sara was at her lowest, in one Sara was an outlaw and she felt like maybe she ruined Ava's life. And then there was the one were Ava was taken away from her before she could even really be hers. Where she got erased out of existence and Sara was powerless to stop it, to save her.

Ava holds her, hugs her tightly as Sara cries and tells her everything. She takes her face gently in her hands once Sara's done, drying her tears.

Sara looks up with pleading eyes and she doesn't know exactly what she's asking for, what she wants, but Ava does: she's pleading with Ava to say or do something that will make her feel better, something that will fix things.

So Ava does.

“How old's Remi?”

“Sixteen,” Sara answers without thinking.

“What's a TAA?”

“Thoracic Aortic Aneurism.”

“If a sweating woman comes to you saying she feels tired what do you do first thing?”

“I rule out a cardiac ischemia first, it can have an uncommon presentation in women. I'd ask her if she's feeling pain in her limbs or her abdomen and run an ECG.”

“When's Amy's birthday?”

“March 31st,” Sara frowns. “What does this have to do with any- _oh_.”

Ava smiles at her, moving her hair from her forehead and kissing it, then looking into Sara's eyes again.

“I'm so sorry you had this terrible nightmare, my love. But I promise you, you're safe and sound at home. You're home.”

Ava sounds so sure, but no, it can't be. Because Sara remembers the Waverider, she remembers fighting immortal gods, speedsters and assassins, she remembers turning into Beebo to fight a time demon.

Thinking about it, it all sounds pretty impossible.

And if she was from this other reality, if she really was from a world with magic and time travel and artifacts that bring you to other dimensions... than surely her friends would have found a way to bring her back by now. But they haven't.

She's sitting on a kitchen island, hugged to the love of her life. Her head doesn't hurt, she doesn't feel the longing and sadness she remembers feeling in those... dreams?

“If you really believe it would bring you peace of mind, Sara, we can go to this... this place you visited, to this hollow tree. But nothing will happen, my love. Nothing will ever come between us, okay?”

Sara lets go of a breath she hadn't even realized she was holding.

Her hands grasp Ava's shirt and she looks into her eyes, she's still lost for a moment.

She remembers holding Sam in her arms for the first time three days before Christmas, calling her the best birthday present she's ever got.

She frowns.

“I'm... home?”

Ava smiles softly, Sara's face still in her hands, she leans her forehead on Sara's.

Sara remembers saying their vows with Laurel and Nora as their witnesses. She remembers Ray officiating. Her father walking her towards Ava.

Of course, it must have been a dream. A horrible, awful dream. Just a terrible night in her otherwise perfect life.

“I'm home.”

  
  


//

  
  


Ava stared at the tablet in her hands.

“So I just have to press it?”

“Yes,” Ray nods, beaming. “We wanted you to do it.”

“Once it's turned on, it'll lock into the artifact,” Zari explained, “it will transmit our universe's wavelength constantly, so as soon as Sara touches it again...”

“...she'll be drawn here,” Ava finishes.

She looks up, a slow smile starts spreading on her lips.

“One more jump and she'll be home. She's coming home.”

It sounds so surreal, so impossible. But she pushes the button and everything seems to be in place, nothing goes wrong.

Ava smiles so brightly, so excitedly, and even hugs both Ray and Zari, happy out of her mind to finally know Sara's going to come back to her.

According to the Sara they have, the Earth she's in is pretty normal, equipped with planes and cars, so she should be home soon. So, so soon.

Could be just a few days. Or maybe even hours. She could be home in hours!

Ava can barely believe it, she almost feels herself burst with happiness at the thought of hugging Sara again, of having her safe and sound into her arms.

She keeps smiling all through the way back to the med bay, completely unaware of what is happening on the Earth her Sara is currently on.

“Very, very soon,” she tells Sara. “Very soon she'll touch the artifact and you'll be back in your universe and she'll be back in mine,” she smiles brightly.

“Soon?” Sara smiles, eager to see her wife and her kids again.

Ava smiles even more brightly. “Any moment, now.”

  
  


 


	14. and in this other lifetime, when you tell yourself be brave, you won't cave (that's the one thing I truly crave)

Dressing a three year old is a challenge, Sara has enough confidence in her own skillset to admit that. She chuckles to herself, thinking those assassin's skills she dreamt of having would come in handy right about now.

“Okay, Sam, is your backpack ready?”

“Yes!”

“Do you have your lunch?”

“Yes!”

“Well, aren't you enthusiastic to get to school this Monday morning,” Sara chuckles a little, picking up the little girl and bringing her downstairs quickly.

Ava is putting documents into her briefcase and chugging coffee, shouting for the kids to get in the car, threatening if they're not seated in the next five minutes they'll have to walk to school.

Four minutes and fifty-nine seconds later, not one second to spare, they're in the car and Ava drives them away from the driveway and into the street. They drop the kids off a school, then Ava drives Sara to her dad's.

“Enjoy your day off, my love.”

“Don't overwork yourself. I asked Laurel to make sure you eat proper lunch.”

“I asked Quentin to make sure you don't eat too much sugar, so I'd say we're even.”

“Hey!”

Ava smiles and leans over the middle console, kissing Sara's cheek.

There's the weird feeling inside her stomach that she's been having for the past three days, that feeling telling her this isn't right, but she ignores it and smiles wider. She's been skittish with physical affection and Ava's been very mindful of it, she sees the apology in Ava's eyes before she can even utter it. She won't let Ava apologize for a routine goodbye she didn't think through, so Sara leans over and kisses her cheek in return.

“I'll see you when you get off work.”

“If you get home before me remember the laundry, please.”

“Will do!”

She gets off the car and walks to her dad's front door.

Suddenly, something different is in front of her eyes. A hospital bed. She's crying, Laurel's holding her – except, it isn't her Laurel, somehow. No. No! This isn't real. Her dad's alive, Laurel's alive. It was just a terrible nightmare! And it's over now.

She's home.

  
  


//

  
  


Ava has been pacing the room for God only knows how long and, frankly, is starting to stress Zari out.

“Hey, wanna sit down for a bit?”

“It's been three days.”

“Yeah, I know.”

“ _Three days_.”

“I was right here with you.”

“Seventy-two hours!”

“Yes, that's generally how long three days last.”

“This isn't a joke, Zari!” Ava snaps, then sighs.

“Didn't think it was,” she mutters. “Look, maybe... planes are slower in this other universe. Sara, how long would you say a trip from Star City to Puerto Rico takes on your Earth?”

Sara looks worried, not as much as Ava, but worried. She shrugs. “Twelve hours? Even if it was double that, she'd be forty-eight hours late.”

Ava looks at Zari with an I-told-you-so look on her face that makes her roll her eyes.

“Maybe she got held up,” Ray offers. “Maybe, since they don't have magic or time travel in that world, she doesn't want you to think she's crazy so she's biding her time until she can come up with a reason to leave.”

Ava sighs, frowns, then resumes her pacing.

“Can you and Gideon try to find out which Earth she's on? Maybe we can reach out to her, we did it before,” she ponders out loud.

“We can try,” Ray nods. “But that Earth is pretty average, probably there are a lot similar ones, it might take a while. Sara could help.”

Sara nods promptly. “Yeah, I'll do whatever you need me to.”

Ava can see this is taking a toll on her as well, being away from her family. But she's managing well and she seems so excited to learn about time travel, about the Waverider, or superheroes, or meta-humans. She doesn't seem to mind being stuck there for a few days more than necessary. Ava hopes she won't have to be much longer.

  
  


//

  
  


Sara's tea is getting cold, but she keeps staring at it instead of drinking it. It's starting to worry Quentin a little, he's rarely seen his younger daughter so pensive.

“How're things with Ava?”

“Perfect, as always.”

He narrows his eyes at her a little. Normally, she would go on and on about her wife and kids and how happy she is, she'd tell him all about the wonderful drawings Sam makes or Amy's passion for science or how she thinks Remi is so talented he'll get into an art school for sure.

But none of it comes out this time.

“Everything okay at work?”

“Yeah, all good.”

No tale of how she saved someone's life, of how one of her patients made her laugh with a joke, or how one of them brought her homemade pie and she ate half of it before even bringing it home because she knew the kids would tear into it.

“Are you sure you're okay, sweetheart?”

“Yeah, dad, I'm okay,” she smiles, but a moment later she's back to staring at the cup of tea in her hands. “Dad, did we use to have another mug like this one?”

He frowns. Is the mug literally what she's been staring at?

“No, just the one.”

“You sure? You remember that time Laurel and I got into that fight, halfway through my first year of college, because she was dating this boy I liked first and she got all mad because I still liked him even though she was dating him? I could swear she was washing the dishes and turned too fast and this mug was drying off on the side of the sink. Fell to the floor. Shattered into a million pieces. You wouldn't let us walk in the house in our socks for a month, I remember it because wearing shoes in was awful.”

She looks up and Quentin is looking at her like she's completely out of her mind.

“You were dating Ava like a month after you started college. Never liked anyone else since Laurel introduced her to us as her study buddy when you were seventeen. You had a crush on her for so long we were sure she was literally the only one who didn't know, and Laurel was never mad about you wanting to date her. She thought she was quite good for you, actually. Half the reason you did so well in med school, I'm telling ya, is because that woman kept your head on straight.”

It's Sara's time to frown.

“Right. That's right, I must've gotten confused. Maybe it was before, then?”

Quentin shakes his head. “You never had that fight. Never broke that mug. It's in your hands right now.”

He puts his hands around Sara's, pressing them to the mug so she feels it against her skin, solid and warm, the familiar pattern of animals she recognized scratchy under her fingers.

The cup was real. There was no doubt that it was in her hands right then. That memory couldn't exist if the cup did, and the cup did.

“I had this awful dream, a few nights ago. It felt so vivid, my head must still be all messed up. But no, now I'm remembering it. I was doing math homework here in the kitchen and complaining about it all the way through, when they walked in. Ava was wearing her hair up in a bun, she had a white button up on.”

“That's right,” Quentin laughs. “God your face got so red when Laurel said you were her baby sister and Ava smiled at you.”

Sara chuckles. “Can you believe how far we've come?”

“Ah, 'course I can. You two were always gonna make it,” he dismisses with a smile.

“Don't I know it. She's my soulmate.”

Soulmate.

That says something to her. Why does that say something to her?

“So, Amy's finishing middle school in two weeks, uh? You ready for the summer holidays and having three kids in the house for the first time?”

Sara is immediately brought back to the present, a jokingly worried expression already on her face as she goes on to answer her father's question.

  
  


//

  
  


Ray walks in and sits beside her. “We think we found it. If we're wrong, you might give an average Sara a really good scare, but other than that it shouldn't mess with the universe too much.”

“How sure are you it's the right universe?”

Ray scoffs. “Pretty sure! Say, ninety-five percent sure. Maybe ninety-three. Eighty-seven at worst, for sure. Possibly thought eighty-four actually.”

“Stop dropping please,” Ava pats his shoulder. “If you're reasonably sure-”

“I'm eighty percent positive the universe is the right one,” he confirms.

“ _Stop_. Dropping. Give me the tablet, please.”

“I was just rounding up,” he explains. “Let's say it's between seventy and eighty percent.”

“Just-” Ava takes the tablet from him and gets ready to project into the other universe. “You know why I've asked you to do this, don't you?”

Ray nods. “Disaster scenario.”

“Don't you mean worst case scenario?” Ava chuckles a little.

“Worst case is Sara not being able to get away from her family without making them suspicious. What you're thinking of – something bad happening to her – that's the disaster scenario.”

“Right. True. So I should do this, right? I should hologram her.”

“Just to be safe,” Ray confirmed. “Not because something bad happened, but just to give us peace of mind.”

“I'm sorry I've been driving you and Zari crazy.”

“You haven't.” Ava gives him a disbelieving look. “Okay, maybe one tiny bit, but we get it. We miss her, too. We've had gone way more crazy without you around, and it's what friends do.”

Ava smiles at him, patting his hand. “Thank you. Okay, here we go,” she holds up the tablet and clears her voice, thinking about what she's going to say.

  
  


//

  
  


When Ava gets home, the laundry has already been folded and Sara is getting started on dinner. She looks pensive, but not sad or worried.

“Hey, babe,” she greets.

“You're home early. The kids are still doing homework.”

Ava hums and walks to her. “How are you feeling?”

“Why does everyone keep asking me that?”

Ava chuckles and kisses the top of her head as she passes by on her way to the sink. She grabs a glass and pour herself some water.

“Because we love you?”

“Well, it's annoying. Love me less.”

Ava gasps, faking outrage. “How dare you, I'll only love you more and more everyday for the rest of my life!”

Sara laughs out loud and turns to look at her, grasping one of her hands and tugging her forward. Ava must miscalculate the resistance she's putting up, because she tumbles forward and catches the handle of the pan Sara was using, the glass slipping from her hand at the same time.

Sara is quick: she grasps the glass with one hand, the pan handle with the other, turning it and rotating it to catch the few vegetables that almost fell out. All in the fraction of a second.

Ava stares at her for a long moment.

“ _How_?”

Sara frowns. There's this memory she has, of a masked assassin training her to not spill water from full glasses as she walks on rope, then turning the glasses into knives and the rope into the edge of a building for the next phase of her training.

But that cannot be right: assassins don't exist. And even if they did, she surely never met one before, let alone being trained by one.

She slams the glass down on the counter and steps away from it like it's hurting her even being near it. She stares at it like she doesn't understand it.

“Aves,” she whispers, her voice breaks. She turns to Ava, tears in her eyes. “Something is very, very wrong with me. My head, my memories – it's all scrambled up.”

There's a part of her brain she's trying not to listen to that tells her if you touch a magical artifact one too many times eventually there's a chance your memories might turn out to be all sorts of messed up.

“Sara.”

“What is happening to me?”

Her lip quivers and Ava hugs her close to her chest, whispering to her that everything's going to be okay, that they'll sort this out, that whatever it is they'll find a way to fix it. Sara nods along, murmurs something about a neurologist, or a psychiatrist, she knows plenty of both.

Then, there's a noise to Sara's right.

They turn, Sara's eyes still teary, her cheeks stained, and Ava worried out of her mind. And there she is, some sort of projected image – a hologram! – of her wife.

“Hi,” the hologram says in a quiet breath. “I don't really know how to ask this. Are you, uhm... are you _my_ Sara?”

Her hands touch her hair just right as she ducks her head and then looks back up. The golden button of her blazer, the thick black watch on her left wrist, the way her hair curls at the bottom in a way _none_ of the other Ava's did.

They're all versions of her.

They're all so close to being her.

But none of them is actually her Ava.

“Aves,” it comes out in a rushed, quiet breath. “It was real, wasn't it? All of it, was real. The Waverider, the Lazarus Pit, the Isabela artifact,” she turns again and can see Ava staring at the hologram as well. “You see her too!”

“I do,” Ava frowns. “How can this be possible?”

“Sara, we found a way,” Ava hurries out the words. “We found a wa-”

It fizzles. And it fades.

“No! No!” Sara cries out, reaching out, grasping air. She falls to her knees. “No! I can't do this again, I can't!”

She sobs into her hands and a moment later Ava is there, hugging her, holding her, apologizing for not believing her immediately, for not bringing her home right away. She kisses her head and Sara sinks into her, grasping her shirt like a lifeline. And she realizes, suddenly, violently, it doesn't change anything that it's true, that it's real.

She doesn't wanna go.

She doesn't want to keep fading, to keep losing memories, getting confused. She's so scared she'll forget again in a reality where she's dying or can't be with Ava. She can't keep doing this, losing herself, losing version after version of the love of her life.

Ava holds her, and Sara, somehow, despite knowing the truth, still feels home.

  
  


//

  
  


“I couldn't tell her, the connection got cut. Ray, she doesn't know.”

“I'll try to fix it, but maybe we should just wait. I mean, she seemed fine, right? I'm sure she'll come home as soon as she can.”

Ava thinks about Sara's tear stained cheeks, about her asking if it was all real.

“Yeah,” she lies. “I'm sure she will.”

  
  


//

  
  


She puts each of the kid to sleep that night, kissing their heads like she's done for the past three nights.

She tells each one of them she loves them and tries not to think about Sam loosing her first tooth and how she snuck into her room to change the tooth with cash and tell her the story of the tooth fairy. She tries not to think about the 3D heart model she helped Amy build for a project, or about Remi painting her and Ava for the first time in a portrait called “My family” and how hard it made them cry.

“You don't have to go,” Ava says, leaning on the doorframe. “I can see you don't want to.”

There are dark circles under Sara's eyes.

“I have to. I have to keep fighting. For you. To get back to you. And to get you your own Sara back, to get the kids their mother back.”

Ava stares at her, an answer ready on the tip of her tongue that never makes it past her lips.

“It's killing you,” it's what she says instead.

“It is,” she doesn't have the strength to deny it. “But this was perfect. I could finally catch my breath, we weren't in danger, everything was good. It was perfect. But-”

“But not yours.”

“Maybe it'll kill me, yes, maybe I'll lose my mind. But I have to keep trying until it does because nothing under perfection will ever compare. My Ava is to me what your Sara is to you.”

Ava nods. “I hope you make it home, my love.”

Sara smiles, weak and tired. “I hope I make it home, too.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A brief epilogue coming up in a few days! If you feel so inclined, let me know what you thought!


	15. when I grow older I will be there at your side to remind you (how I still love you)

Sara stares at the hollow tree and the artifact stares back at her.

“Don't let it be one where she isn't by my side,” she whispers despite the fact that she's alone. “I can't do this without her.”

She closes her eyes, and thinks of her Ava. Her eyes, her smile, the way she touches her hair, the way she holds her hands behind her back and how cute she is when she tilts her head to the side when Sara makes her laugh with a dumb joke.

Her fingertips touch the artifact again, and everything goes white.

  
  


There's a beeping sound that doesn't belong in a forest, so she's not in Puerto Rico anymore.

Someone is talking in hushed whispers and then a door open and closes. She feels okay, not perfect, but not in pain. When her eyes flutter open, a familiar ceiling is staring back at her.

She gets into a sitting position quickly, a hand tightening around hers. She turns.

And there she is.

For as good as she looked as a commodore, or as a princess, or as a sheriff, this is the version of Ava she likes the most.

“Hi. Ray and Zari found a way to trick the artifact so it would take you back home. The hologram connection was cut off before-”

Sara rushes upright. Ava startles a little, getting up from her own chair, a worried look immediately on her face, followed by fear.

“No. Please don't tell me it didn't work, please tell me you're my Sara.”

“The dumbass who touched an ancient artifact in Isabela?”

“My dumbass, yes.”

Sara crashes into her arms, two fistfuls of Ava's blazer the only thing keeping her upright. She takes a breath so deep it fills her lungs to their limit. It's Ava's smell that engulfs her. Every other time it wasn't just quite as right. But this time it is.

She leans back and then up and crashes their lips together, holding Ava's face in her hands.

“You brought me back.”

“Ray brought you-”

“No. No, you were my focal point. You were my soulmate, my guardian angel. Ava, I don't want to freak you out, but I think we might be destined to be together.”

Ava holds her closer, smiles down at her.

“You had to go through fourteen realities to learn that? I could've _told you that_ without you having to go on a six weeks inter-dimensional journey of self-discovery.”

Sara swats her arm. “You're the love of my life. And if I had to go through all that to get back to you, then it was worth it. If everything I've gone through was leading me back to you, then all of that was worth it. You're the love of all the lives I've ever lived.”

“You're the love of all the lives I've ever lived as well, or so the other yous have told me,” Ava smiles, bright and happy and carefree, and then she kisses her again.

And again. And again.

  
  


The first thing she does is sleep for eight straight hours. She gets up briefly to say hi to each legend, then gets back to sleep. Ava never leaves her side for more than five minutes at a time, Sara is pretty sure she even stays to watch her sleep. Eventually, she gets up and eats everything she's missed in the weeks she was gone. Ava, for some reason, keeps bringing her glass of water after glass of water, maybe just to do something, just to feel useful. Sara lets her.

They find themselves in the Captain's office, Sara is sitting at the desk with her feet up on it. Ava is on the chair, checking something on the tablet.

Sara gets lost in her own thoughts, one in particular that seem preponderant over the others. But she can't ask that question out loud, not right off the bat. So she starts off around it.

“Hey Gideon?”

“Yes, Captain?”

“Do you have the numbers of all the Earths I've been on?”

“Using Doctor Palmer and Miss Tomaz's recognition pattern device I was able to identify the Earths you've traveled to, yes.”

Sara hums, taps her fingers on the glass she's holding.

“And you can monitor those Earths?”

“If needed, yes.”

Sara hums again, but she's still not sure she wants an answer to the question floating in her mind, so she decides to ask a different one.

“What happened to FBI's Ava?”

That catches Ava's attention. She looks up from the tablet and raises an eyebrow.

“First realities I got to,” Sara explains. “They were really helpful, explained to me what was happening and all. But, the me from that universe, she wasn't the best version of me. Cold and distant, I guess, and it broke my heart a little.”

“Sara and Ava weren't close. At least, Sara said so,” Ava adds. “She was with Rip.”

“Ava was in love with her,” she says, sounding disappointed. “I couldn't understand... that Sara had everything so close to her, but she never even knew she was missing it. Gideon?”

“I believe upon returning to her Earth, Sara Lance had a long chat with her own Miss Tomaz and has moved on from her relationship with Rip. According to my calculation she should be starting a relationship with Miss Sharpe quite soon.”

Ava raises an eyebrow at that. “You are your own best wingman, Lance.”

Sara chuckles. “What about pirate Sara?”

“She is Capitan of the Waverider along with Miss Jiwe. Former Commodore Sharpe is sailing with them under a black flag. They are quite happy.”

“Princesses us?”

“There are no princesses, anymore.” Sara feels her heart sink. “They are now Queens of their kingdoms, and have brought peace in their lands.”

“And Indiana Jones Ava?”

“If you mean archeologist Ava Sharpe, she and Doctor Heywood have taken Sara under their guidance and together they've lived quite a few spectacular adventures.”

Ava snorts at that. “Sounds like us.”

“Does indeed. And kids us?”

“They will attend Yale together in the fall, still quite fond of one another, and officially in a relationship now that they both are out. Quite cute, if I may.”

Sara chuckles at that. “And the me who worked in a coffee shop?”

“Doing really well for herself. Quite fond of Miss Sharpe, as well.”

“I bet she is, I set her up too. Maybe I really am my own best wing-woman. And the me who was having some addiction problems?”

“I reckon her future is quite bright, quite similar to your own eventually.”

That is good to hear. Sara was worried about her for a while.

“Then there was... Guardian Angel Ava,” Sara whispers.

“When you w- when Sara woke up,” Ava amends, “and she could touch me, she hugged me so tight I thought maybe she was trying to kill me. Turned out I was her guardian angel. And it didn't matter she came from a world of angels, she looked at me like she saw a miracle, just because she could touch my hand.”

Sara smiles at that, soft and warm.

“Ah, yes. They decide to try and date for a while, despite the physical part of their relationship being nonexistent. Eventually, the High Council will grant Ava a corporeal form,” Gideon tells them. “She will proceed to save Sara's life on the field multiple times even without her powers, not dissimilarly to how they operated before.”

Sara has to laugh at that. “I don't doubt soulmates us make it, but what about married us?”

“Ah, yes, soulmate you are doing great. Married you patched things up rather quickly, they are attending therapy to learn how to better communicate, but Sara has moved back in.”

“Good, that's good to hear,” Sara says, but her expression changes to sad. She avoids the question a little longer. “What about sheriff Ava and criminal Sara?”

“I believe now they are both wanted in the West. But they are faring quite well in the East, they manage a small farm along with Ray and Nora and are well liked by the people of the nearest village. They all say the Sharpe's sell the best cabbages in the State.”

Ava laughs out loud. “That's not a bad thing to be known for, at least.”

Sara chuckles, too. She's glad things worked out. They both sober up when they realize there's only two realities missing now.

“I tried to stop you. Her, I mean. I tried to stop that stupid plan of erasing herself.”

“It wasn't stupid, Sara. It won them a war. What's more human than that? Sacrificing herself so others could live?”

Sara shakes her head. “Selfishness is more human. But you were never just average, you were always extraordinary. She was, too. She died knowing Sara would never love her back, and I think if maybe she hadn't been so sure, she would have waited, she would have-”

“Sara did,” Ava corrects her. “Sara did love her back. She was too late, but I convinced her Ava knew. I knew she didn't, but I couldn't bare the look on her face when she thought her Ava died without knowing she loved her back.”

They fall silent for a long moment.

“If I may interrupt,” Gideon says, “I believe the reboot did not erase Ava's consciousness. She was never just a clone, after all. After a while, she shed her programming again and regained her memories. That Earth is peaceful now and Sara and Ava are helping rebuild.”

Sara wants to ask if Gideon is just telling them to give them peace, but then she realizes there is no point in asking, she has to trust the AI not to lie. She is thankful, so thankful, because it was the hardest reality of them all. With maybe just one exception.

“Did Amy win the science fair?” Sara breaths out.

“She did, the 3D Heart model was quite the hit.”

“And Remi, he got into art school?”

“He did, getting a partial scholarship, too.”

“And Sam? Is she doing okay?”

“She's very happy and healthy.”

Sara nods. Her hand covers her eyes and she tries not to dig into those lasting memories too deep or too much.

“Ava and Sara?”

“Both very happy, happier than ever.”

“God, _happier_?” Sara scoffs. “How?! It was worrying how happy they were. And soft and mushy and- Jesus, I bet they're driving everyone around them crazy. Someone is going to kill them in the middle of the night very soon, I tell ya,” Sara jokes, tries not to think about it, about the normal life they were leading there.

“According to my records, they die very peacefully in their sleep at the age of 98 and 95 respectively, not twenty-four hours apart. Sam will mention, during the eulogy, how they couldn't possibly manage to stay apart more than a day. Amy will joke they did it for the joined funeral. In reality, it appears to be natural causes in both cases.”

Sara laughs and laughs, tears streaming down her face.

Those two had a long run, together since Sara was 17 up until she was 95. Sara can picture them, with children and grandchildren and great-grandchildren around them, still only having eyes for each other.

“So they're all going to be happy?”

“It appears so,” Gideon confirms.

“And the other Earths? The one I didn't visit?”

“There are infinites possibilities, Captain Lance. I cannot possibly examine them all. But from the datas I've gathered, you and Director Sharpe seem to have quite good odds in every reality.”

Sara smiles at that.

“Yeah,” she says quietly, looking at Ava with soft eyes and seeing Ava smiling back at her the same way. “Like I've said before, she's the love of all my lives.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is it kids, end of this story! If you feel so inclined please let me know what you thought about it!

**Author's Note:**

> I have a few chapters already planned out and I hope I can manage to update weekly. Let me know what you think!
> 
> If you want to suggest realities to me, talk to me about this story or just yell at me about avalance, you can find me on [Tumblr](https://thetruthaboutlovecomesat3am.tumblr.com/)


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